Are you abducting these children madam?

It’s not a feminist issue it’s an issue of parents who don’t have the same last name as children they are traveling with. To me, the obvious and simple solution would be to include the names of the parents or guardians on minors’ passports. Other adults accompanying children without their parents should be required to carry documentation showing parental consent.

I do have the same surname as my DCs and was challenged several times as to why I was travelling alone with children and did I have their father's permission. (XH has different name but that was never questioned!)

I had sole care and control as it was called in Scotland then - no legal need for permission. Much easier to carry a letter from XH with his contact details and his "permission". No issues in Europe but was interviewed in Canada - that was scary.

Travelling to the US, one homeland security worker said to DD aged about 5 " You're too cute to be away from your pa. Why is he not with you?" I felt that would have been very inappropriate if the other parent had died recently rather than buggered off with a colleague

US and Canada very hot on abductions - and it's often the absent parent so can see why they are so diligent.

DH same surname as our children faced questioning on why he would be taking children anywhere on his own without their mother. Same coin, different side??

The problem is the kid having a different name

If they had your name it would be fine - or a double barrelled name with yours in it, also fine

Your children should have both your names

DD's best friend here in the US has a white dad and a mum whose family background in Vietnamese and Philippino. Her friend is darker skinned than her dad with long luscious dark hair. They share the same last name and he was still detained at the American border coming back from Canada, separated from his dd and questioned for some time. She was under 10 at the time so I think that was a factor.

* In Canada you are expected to travel with documentation from the other parent OKing the trip, which I think is actually sensible.*

I can see the logic behind this, except it would cause problems for those of us with disengaged, or even worse, abusive ex partners (which is quite a lot of us!). I don't know what the legal position is for those of us with mid-teens before the rules about parental responsibility and birth certs changed, as I am the only parent who has this.

Also that in our society most mothers do have the same surname as their children.

I'm really not sure that's the case any more.

I travel a lot with my kids, one has my surname, one has their dad's. I've never had a problem except going into Ireland, where the dude on passport control said that I should bring a photo of DS's birth certificate to prove that he's mine.

The ridiculous thing is how easy it is to change your name in the UK or Ireland - it's literally print off a deed poll and sign/witness it and you can get a passport in a new name. If you were organised enough to want to run away with a child, it would be no problem at all to have the same name as them.

My own kids have my surname but I'm aware this makes me the exception and I have never particularly 'identified' as feminist

I have my name but my son, to my regret, has my husband's name. I don't identify as a feminist- I just always thought my name was my name.

My regret is I didn't think of it at the time and my surname is far more unusual and nicer than my husband's dreadfully mundane one.

I had this when travelling in Eurostar from Paris. I offered for them to keep my tantruming 3 year old if they wanted. It didn't go well!!

My son and I have flown twice, we were stopped on each occasion the answer the following “Where is his mother?” Well he doesn’t have one, but I had no paper proof on me, secondly they wanted to know why he was travelling on a British passport and I wasn’t. We have driven to France twice and we haven’t been questioned.

We have the same surname and we’re the same ethnicity.

This year we’re off to Spain, I now have a British passport so I’m curious as to whether or not we will be stopped.

But I also feel very irritated by the assumption that I would change my birth surname to a male partner’s surname, or keep my ex partner’s surname.

I’m offended you’re ignoring the majority of cases- women like me who didn’t change their name on marriage but whose children have their husbands name as that’s not a hill I choose to die on. (If we weren’t married pigs would fly before our children had his name)

I think it's a good thing that there is extra security for children crossing borders. I'd rather be stopped and checked every time than have to fight to get DD returned to me from abroad.

I think children's last names should include their mother's. Either on its own or like Spanish last names. DD has mine and I wouldnt have registered her without my last name.

I've only been questioned once, but the name issue is a red herring. Even if you share a surname with a child you could still be abdicating them- I suspect most children abducted across borders share a surname with the parent taking them. In Canada you are expected to travel with documentation from the other parent OKing the trip, which I think is actually sensible.

My friend always has issues taking her kids through airports as she has a different surname to them. By coincidence I have the same surname as the children (not related at all). So when we went on a group holiday to make life easier for her my dh and her booked their flights together and I booked on with her dh and the kids and we all sailed through the airport with no issues at all! Probably not advised but worked a dream

@Skyejuly are you Kerry katona?!

EverardDigby what do you think under 18’s who are being trafficked are told to say? Lots of uncles, aunts, mum’s friends out there.

But this could be an argument for stopping every child, not just ones with a different name. The main pointlessness about it though was that I was bringing them back to the UK!

I guess if she'd queued behind you as a solo traveller it'd have looked less suspicious and been clearer she was travelling if her own free will!

That's what we concluded for next time!

I can see a few others have now said what i came to say - that the feminist issue is actually that most children are automatically given their father’s surname.

It's a matter of choice, though.

I expected to feel that my son should have my name, but when it came to it, having carried him for 9 months and given birth to him, he felt so indissolubly flesh of my flesh that giving him his father's name seemed like the most trivial thing in comparison with what I had.

Plus I'm not that fond of my (Dad's) name anyway. He has my name as a second middle.

There are countries that don’t allow for a mother to cross borders alone with the kids but allow fathers to do it.

If you find the airport check annoying... I have had to carry evidence that I have custody of my son after divorce to go though multiple road checks, even when DS shares part of my surname.

I agree that it's important for checks to be made to try to prevent abductions and trafficking.

On the other issue raised by previous posters, it is absolutely a feminist issue that children are often given their father's name rather than their mother's.

CassianAndor the surname is a red herring. It's nothing to do with having different surnames, it's just when only one parent travels with the kids.

I wasn't questioned when I had a different surname and a different nationality on my passport to the surname and nationality my kids had on theirs, only times I was questioned was after we all had the same surname and nationality on our passports.

Not sure this is a feminist issue. DS(14) was taken to one side and questioned a couple of years ago. DH and I were travelling with him and we all have the same surnames and nationality.

It’s far more likely to affect women because whilst women very often don’t take their husband’s surname on marriage, nearly always the children of the marriage will have their father’s surname.

So I think man can take their whataboutery and shove it up their jumper.

EverardDigby that's a bit mad, I flew to Malaysia by myself to visit a school friend when I was 16... On the way back the Kuala Lumpur to Amsterdam flight was very delayed and the last Amsterdam to Manchester flight had left so I slept in Amsterdam airport on standby waiting for the next available seat on a flight...

I guess if she'd queued behind you as a solo traveller it'd have looked less suspicious and been clearer she was travelling if her own free will!