Pregnancy, Parturition, and the Patriarchy: how do we best serve women?

My thoughts are similar. It needs more money pouring in so women are supported.

My first was a c-section and I was very scared at the second. It was a fantastic vbac - mainly because I had a doula and so was supported throughout.

My local hospital doesn't have a good name, I was scared and I could afford it.
But what about all those women who can't afford or don't even think they may need additional support?

I think women should have the right to only be looked after by female staff during birth if that is what they feel they need.

Having said that, I had two emergency cs and the first one was particularly traumatic. The male consultant who made the decision that it was necessary, then carried out the surgery, was incredibly kind and reassuring unlike the female midwife who had been with me for around twelve hours of labour and didn't introduce herself or talk to me. In fact, if she'd shown any interest in actually delivering a baby rather than sitting with her back to me writing notes and staring at monitor, maybe no cs would have been needed. I found midwives to be incredibly lacking in humanity, compared with doctors who were without exception very understanding. And the post natal period was even worse. Doctors were very willing to write prescriptions for pain relief then the midwives cheerily dismissed me with 'oh, you don't need it, everyone here has had a baby you know, you need to just get on with it'. I'm terrified of midwives to be honest.

Have just read the other thread... had absolutely no intention of posting my experience to be dismissed and sneered at on there!

The thing that was lacking in my birth experience was very simple but fundamental - it was kindness. The nurse (midwife? Her role was never clarified to me) and the midwife who took over my care after DS was born both displayed a distinct lack of kindness and empathy. I was left labouring alone all night (I was induced, although that was the only intervention I had) and then mocked for ‘walking funny’ (I’d suffered from PGP and was still hobbling a bit directly after the birth).

What I needed was someone to call DH in for me before - I was in a side room so no one else would have been affected - and a bit of reassurance that the PGP would clear up afterwards. But I didn’t get it. On the plus side, the midwife who handled my actual delivery was great, so that is at least something. However, I won’t be having any more children - not totally because of that experience because there are lots of reasons. But it’s a factor.

It is distressing that some medical professionals appear to lose their empathy for pregnant and labouring women. Or perhaps never have it? I would like to see much more emphasis on this. I understand that midwives and doctors see labour all the time, and that a reasonably straightforward labour like mine is no big deal to them, but it was my first time and although I’d tried to prepare for it, I really had no idea what I was going into and I did get upset, and I did get scared. It was a very, very long night in the dark - I couldn’t lie down in any position at all due to my PGP and couldn’t even work out the tv so I just knelt on the bed in the dark, all night. I feel ashamed of how I felt now - so stupid to be upset by it.

What this would take, I suspect, is money. Money for better staff to patient ratios so staff aren’t racing from woman to woman. Investment in facilities that are comfortable and relaxing. More training, perhaps even paid sabbaticals so that staff don’t burn out. And placing the woman’s experience at the centre of the whole process - actually centring it, rather than paying lip service to it as at present (which is cheaper, but not terribly effective).

Those are my thoughts, based on my experience, anyway.