Just had a terrible shouty argument with a relative

thenightsky

How many men have killed how many women since 1965? It makes me want to weep.

Those with weak arguments can’t resist whatabouttery.

An average of 137 women across the world are killed by a partner or family member every day, according to new data released by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime www.bbc.com/news/world-46292919

Read “family members” as mostly being men: fathers, brothers - “honour” killings and the like.

Two women are killed each week by a current or former partner in England and Wales
Office for National Statistics (2016) Compendium – Homicide (average taken over 10 years)

Two women a week? In only one small part of the world? But what about what happened that time 50 years ago?

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly

your brother obviously believes strongly in the 10th rule of misogyny:

The worst thing about male violence is that it males men look bad

In fact it is so common if ought to be bumped from 10th to 1st!

try to not let the full time contrarians on this thread wind you up too much

YY.

Why the hell do men always come out with the old Myra Hindley did it too thing? Her last murder (if she did it even) was over 50 years ago FFS. How many men have killed how many women since 1965? It makes me want to weep.

your brother obviously believes strongly in the 10th rule of misogyny:

The worst thing about male violence is that it males men look bad

try to not let the full time contrarians on this thread wind you up too much

Poor kids. Heck, poor neighbours! You both need anger management. If current affairs bother you so immensely then go into Politics

Does anyone else ever get the feeling that some posters only post to hear themselves talk?

Maybe focus on how we can have this discussion without it descending into men v women NAMALT etc rather than how awful I am for having a loud shouty argument (there was no swearing or personal insults) in front of my kids.

But you are changing it slightly now - in your OP you said that you were both shouting and you lost it - that's what I was basing my comments on.

From what you've said, I don't think that you can have these types of discussion with your brother. You say you argue about lots of topics so it isn't just feminist topics is it?

Why not just agree to keep things cordial and reserve discussing topics like this with people that you know it won't descend into slanging matches with?

Obviously arguing in front of teens isn't ideal, but I'm of the opinion that just shutting up because a man started being aggressive would have set a far more damaging example to your DD.

And maybe a better example would be showing the DD how to debate respectfully or to know when to be the bigger person and walk away? I don't think it's a great example to teach a teen to go toe to toe with someone, telling and screaming as a way to get your point across, regardless of who started it.

What does your mum think about it all, OP?

Christ what a numb nut 🤦‍♀️

Exactly failingatlife”. All of MN is not a “debate forum”. I sure hope that even posters like Decomposing* don’t see members reaching out for support when struggling with PPD, or with an abusive partner, as a post wanting of “debate”. Like you said AIBU is a good opportunity for debate, but sometimes people just want support and if one can’t offer it then there is no requirement for them to post at all.

Discussion and sharing of different opinions can be held in a respectful way instead of repeatedly telling an OP they are “wrong” while ignoring everything they are actually saying about what happened. You are curiously insistent on placing “equal blame” when OP is clear her DB wandered into a conversation he was not part of, became shouty first, and to the point OPs DD thought he was going to become physically violent. But sure, “equal blame” as OP stood her ground against his asshole behaviour.

X post FeministCat

The first rule of misogyny is that women are responsible for everything that men do.

Isn't it just.

Don't feel bad about it. It's taught your DD a very valuable lesson.

Agreed. Obviously arguing in front of teens isn't ideal, but I'm of the opinion that just shutting up because a man started being aggressive would have set a far more damaging example to your DD.

Sometimes things are worth shouting about.

OP:

I have a relative who is like that. As in he will jump into conversations not involving him at all to throw his opinions (which we must obey!) around. Specifically around issues involving abortion, surrogacy, and women’s reproductive rights as a whole. Twist: he is a gay male who has never had to concern himself with being pregnant or with getting a woman pregnant.

While he has calmed down over the years generally I also know him in the past to have a truly frightening temper (also which he would be physical with me when we were young) which back then drew me to stay silent. Now I am too old for that and don’t give a fuck. I won’t deliberately start such conversations with him but if he jumps in to one he was not part of I will stand my ground unapologetically.

While not the way you wanted it to go, clearly your daughter saw it and I bet most others there did too. Don’t apologize for standing your ground against your brother jumping into a conversation that was not about him to make it about him.

I think the person who wades in to correct other people’s point of view is responsible for causing the argument. Now it maybe certain arguments are justifiable but in a group setting people are hard wired to fight their corner and not give an inch.

There are certain people I love a robust exchange of ideas with, but there is always the element of respect and whilst things may get spirited it’s never reduced to shouting at someone. People I feel I’d be in danger of that with I just ignore and move on to other people.

This is not a debate forum.

What is it then? Surely the whole site is for people to discuss opinions? Where does it say that this is only for people who agree with everything posted?

DecomposingComposers

Not just on this thread.

I don't agree with the opinions posted - why is that a problem?

At this rate it seems you don’t agree with any opinions posted on FWR which raises the question as to why you post here at all except to be confrontational and goady. This is not a debate forum.

The first rule of misogyny is that women are responsible for everything that men do.

Don't feel bad about it. It's taught your DD a very valuable lesson.

Said man should have stayed out of a conversation that neither involved him nor was about him, and he certainly shouldn't have made the sexual intimidation of young girls something that he was the victim in!

Ffs. People wonder why feminism is needed? Shit like this is why.

Not just on this thread.

I don't agree with the opinions posted - why is that a problem?

Totally agree rufus. If he’s too much of a delicate flower to handle the conversation, he should go elsewhere. He doesn’t get to dictate what the women talk about or how they do it.

Decomposing, what is your issue? You seem to be very busy trying to pick a fight

Not just on this thread.