Supporting our lesbian sisters THREAD EDITED BY MNHQ AT OP'S REQUEST

The thread is about how straight women can support lesbians, so not unreasonable to find straight women posting here

Actually it starts off with 'I want to create a new thread to invite our lesbian sisters to tell non lesbian women how we can help support them...' which kind of implies that the OP was hoping that more than 4 or 5 lesbians (at a quick glance) might be contributing. Given that this forum has a reputation for being one of the main places where supposed problems regarding trans people are discussed you'd think lesbians would be flocking here in their hundreds and thousands to take part in the debate. If I was a lesbian feeling I was being erased I'd make damn sure I was on the main forum fighting for my rights. As I've said before, maybe the majority don't agree with you though.

heterosexual women giving their 'expertise' on supposed issues between trans women and lesbians

This heterosexual woman understands that a woman in a relationship with a male is not in a lesbian relationship

Am I an expert now?

Estimates are around 5-7% of the population are gay, so unless a forum is specifically for lesbians, they’re never going to ‘dominate’ it. I think a greater proportion of posters here are lesbians than in the general population, although it’s just a guess because not everyone talks about their sexuality

The thread is about how straight women can support lesbians, so not unreasonable to find straight women posting here

And the expert opinion thing Teflon?

I’m totally hoping to learn that I’m an expert-don’t leave me hanging!

Anyway, what was your point again?

How about just going back and finding how many have contributed compared to heterosexual women giving their 'expertise' on supposed issues between trans women and lesbians.

OK - hands up who's a lesbian on this thread?

I am.

Eh? How do you know who’s a lesbian and who isn’t?

I'm not Sherlock Holmes but the regular occurrence of phrases such as 'I'm not a lesbian but...' might be described as clues.

forum, is dominated by heterosexual women giving their 'expert' opinions on lesbians that's a bit rich

Eh? How do you know who’s a lesbian and who isn’t?

Totally did not get the expert opinion thing either (unless understanding that lesbians are women who are same sex attracted makes me an expert, in which case go me!)

Oh dear teflon... policing lesbians’ behaviour on the (checks thread title) lesbian support thread?

Seeing as the thread, and indeed the forum, is dominated by heterosexual women giving their 'expert' opinions on lesbians that's a bit rich.

Oh dear teflon... policing lesbians’ behaviour on the (checks thread title) lesbian support thread?

Vicky I agree with you and will always defend lesbians’ right to their sexuality and their word. Incredible that this even needs saying in 2019!

I’ve seen formerly hetero couples “come out” as lesbians when the (former) husband transitions (transbian/cisbian) and even two transwomen (ie both male) declare themselves lesbians... then decree that female homosexuals are not real lesbians! WTAF!

In a world of gay, pansexual, bisexual and “queer”, surely homogenderals can find a word that works for them without appropriating from another group.

I stand with lesbians although sorry, this post was a bit ranty rather than supportive 😬 I need to donate again to an org mentioned upthread 💚

Are you a lesbian, "a biological women who is same sex attracted" as per the OP teflontania?

If so, please feel free "to tell non lesbian women how we can help support them and be allies to them through the current struggle and abuse from within their own community." as per the OP.

If not, what are you doing here, as it is obviously not to offer support?

Oh! You are trolling, aren't you! You do know that trolls get banned, don't you?

Au contraire, there are loads of us here!

Just not engaging with a thread in which they're specifically asked for advice though.

Au contraire, there are loads of us here!

You wish teflontania!

This thread designed to allow lesbians to say how members here can help them seems to be dominated by heterosexual women saying how nasty trans people are to lesbians... with only a handful of lesbians actually contributing. Perhaps this forum isn't quite as in tune with lesbians as it would like to think.

‘I’m a gold star lesbian’ is an interesting preface to bollocking lesbians for not liking bollocks, I’ll give you that.

As indicated in my previous post, I cannot claim 'gold star' status as I have had relationships with men. After 20 years exclusively with a woman, however, I am confident and proud to state: a lesbian can only ever be a woman. An XX woman with female genitals.

To say otherwise is to debase and render entirely meaningless the word 'lesbian'.

My partner and I are both in our early 60s - we've been together for 20 years, both having left marriages with men to be together. We were both in high profile education jobs and found being 'out' difficult. Moving to a local authority which was very positive about gay rights helped us enormously, though we still found people would occasionally respond to us outing ourselves to them with variations n "That's fine..." - as if we needed their approval.

More recently, we've found ourselves actually frightened by what's happening - and retreating back into the closet again, for fear of what we perceive as increasing prejudice against lesbians who believe you need to be a woman to be lesbian.

What can allies do? What most/all of you are already doing - standing up for the right of lesbians to exclude men, because men cannot be bleedin' lesbians!

Been meaning to post on this thread for a while. Any upcoming events on the US East Coast where a straight woman could help out?

I’m a fan of Amy D, what on earth is Linda on about ?? Solidarity to Amy.

This is a sad snip from an article I saw on R (K? Not sure if the letter) Kelly’s daughter who announced to the world that she was male at the tender age of 14:

“Now 18 years old, Jaah, who writes music, has come forward revealing that she was a lesbian that had struggled with internalized homophobia as a kid. She was taught that the only way she could like another girl, was if she was a boy.

In a recent interview with Paper magazine, Jaah says, “When I posted that video, I was so scared. When I was younger, I always felt like I had to make a choice. I knew that I was a girl who liked other girls. But because of what I was taught, I felt like the only way you could like another girl is if you were a boy.”

I'm lucky that the lesbians around me are a fierce lot - and not just the younger generation.

I think the world cup will have done some good - photos of the US team members kissing their other halves after their win is something I marvel at - you just wouldn't have seen this not that long ago. Even if you did see two women hugging or being close they would be described as 'good friends'.

I really never thought we would have gone backwards on womans /lesbian rights though.

I am a lesbian. Anyone who needs to tell you they're a gold star lesbian probably isn't a lesbian.

What can our straight sisters do to support us? Remember that even though we now have the same rights as you, many of us are still aware of subtle moments that are possibly invisible to you. Remember that still for many people the default is straight, so we are forever forced to come out to people who assume we're straight and then sometimes we have to deal with the 'you can be what you want to be, dear, but I wish you wouldn't keep going on about it' number. Every time we do it we take the risk of rejection, insult or that second of silence when we see people digesting the fact that we are 'other'.

It can get quite exhausting and as I think recent events have shown, while on the surface it would appear we've come a long way in terms of rights and acceptance, even the organisations that are supposed to represent and support us (Stonewall, looking at you) don't give a shit about us. We are the bottom of the minorities pile and when LGB organisations are seen throwing us under a bus many of us are wondering whether ordinary civil society will follow suit. We need you to stand with us.

So, please feel free to pick up on any off-handed banterish comments about hairy barren lesbians (just an example) and take the offender to task for us. Please feel free, when receiving LGBT or equalities training to come back time and time again to lesbian rights, have lesbians been consulted, what about lesbians? Because the actual lesbians in the room may be feeling too nervous for various reasons to speak out. Go to Pride in Lesbian Ally/ proud supporters of lesbian women t-shirts. Speak up when lesbians are being othered. I attended the Women's Place meeting in Cardiff when a woman, a bastion of the left and generally all-round admirable person stood up and said something along the lines of 'I've never had much time for lesbians before but I feel really sorry for them at the moment.' As if we'd always been an irritating problem that she had no time for. Speak up, stand up, champion us. No need to say 'I'm not a lesbian but...' or 'Some of my best friends are lesbians.' Stand up for us as fellow women. I'll take support wherever I can find it and if any gold star lesbians start trying to take you down for it, refer them to me.

Telling lesbians to 'get over their genital fetish' would until very recently have rightly been lambasted as homophobia. In fact, however, that's the least of what it is. Using coercive tactics to force them into intimacy with a partner not of their choice is something altogether more sinister. It's also something with which women since time immemorial have been far too familiar.

Recently it felt that we were making progress.

Lesbian ally here too.

I will donate too. Great idea to celebrate lesbians and I hope you get a good turnout.

Gay men won’t. I’ve been told by a few that they don’t like lesbians because lesbians don’t like them. No it makes no sense but hey.

I will donate something to that rally. I am heterosexual, but very aware of what is happening to lesbians.
Gay men also need to stand up and support lesbian women now. Some are, but most are not. Lesbians helped gay men in the AIDS crisis, gay men need to look at what is happening to lesbians now and act. I am shocked at how many gay men seem behind the Transactivist movement.