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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

What is this if not grooming.

119 replies

Angryresister · 18/06/2019 11:16

pride.gift/30e24

This is really worrying on so many levels

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 19/06/2019 00:33

Tbh I think this is just a bear / cub joke

I'm yo daddy now

Nothing to do with kids at all

barelove · 19/06/2019 00:26

Sounds like a paedophile Papa Lazarou

LassOfFyvie · 19/06/2019 00:23

Are these items which have been hanging around and not selling? Hence the "last day to order"?

I see they are offering Samsung phone cases for Samsung Galaxy 3 to 8. Galaxy 6 came out in 2014/2015. Galaxy 4 was a couple of years before that. Current Galaxy phone range is 10.

wheelywheelynice · 19/06/2019 00:17

Ew, creepy as hell.

AlwaysComingHome · 19/06/2019 00:08

I think this was meant to convey 'if you aren't accepted, you can always have someone' approach.

Brother or sister, I could accept. That’s the language you’d expect in a trade union, sports teams, combat units, whatever. ‘Daddy’ sounds like Ray Winston in Scum.

2BthatUnnoticed · 18/06/2019 23:43

Disliking the shirt does not mean people are equating being gay with pedophilia.

For all we know the “Daddy” is a straight man - a lot of straight men are very invested in the LBTQ community.

KatvonHostileExtremist · 18/06/2019 22:55

www.freemomhugs.org/
Found this the other day after seeing that advert on Facebook.

I appreciate that people want to give love and support to LGBT kids, but it just all should come back to safeguarding.

I remember once a 8 year old in my class came to be at lunch, sobbing. Her dad had just died. I gave her this half hug, arm round the shoulder, all the time thinking I hope this is enough, and also I hope this is okay! Safeguarding was taught to us as key, you don't physically touch kids.

I remember there was a bit of a random thing going on in my town where women would offer free hugs to strangers. One of the photos they put up was of a guy who'd bloody sexually harassed me at work!! He was a proper creep and a pest. Bet he annoyed the free hug.

It's all so depressing we have to think like this. But we absolutely do.

AhhhHereItGoes · 18/06/2019 22:49

To be fair there are mom/auntie ones exactly the same as this.
I think this was meant to convey 'if you aren't accepted, you can always have someone' approach.
Of course that can lead into trouble with young vulnerable individuals. But I feel the sentiment is intended genuinely.

HerFemaleness · 18/06/2019 22:42

This needs to be considered very carefully when sending messages of support to vulnerable young people, because once kids believe it’s ok for adults to behave in this way predators WILL step in. However good your intentions may be, this is the shit we need to think about.

So much this.

An LGBT kid who has been rejected by his or her parents is extremely vulnerable. Perpetrators go for vulnerable kids.

I'm horrified that grown adults see nothing wrong with creating a climate where adults can solicit for close personal contact with vulnerable young people. Can't you see that you are creating opportunities for sexual predators to gain access to vulnerable people?

SomeDyke · 18/06/2019 22:07

As regards bears and cubs, we have older gay men of the heavy and hairy variety into leather, and younger men being the cubs. I think there is also otters. Gay men into denim, gay men into corduoroy and cigars, all sorts. Which is why I find it excessively odd that someone who supposedly knows the gay community would think bear and cub and I'm your dad now was a good idea.

There are also gay men into uncles and nephews. So again I'm your dad is just wrong.

Orchidoptic · 18/06/2019 21:43

There are a million reasons why that tee-shirt is wrong. I do find it ridiculous to suggest that anyone against the message is saying that all gay men are after our kids. Dangerous men are after our children, irrespective of their sexual preferences.

NotBadConsidering · 18/06/2019 21:36

For me it’s the imperative that is the issue. Not “we are here for you” not “you have my/our support” not even “you’re not alone”. It’s “I’m your dad now”. It implies “you’re mine”. Creepy. As. Fuck.

Lumene · 18/06/2019 17:14

It is possible to feel parental and protective to a younger person, even if you share the same sexuality, without any sexual motives behind it.

Of course it is - but that doesn’t translate into wearing a t-shirt telling any unknown rejected children you are now their parent.

Deliriumoftheendless · 18/06/2019 16:40

I work with vulnerable young people. We listen when they tell us they have been rejected by parents. We do not say “I’ll be your mum now.”

We do work with them about appropriate relationships and try to protect them from those who groom them by arming them with information.

I have seen enough kids groomed into CSE to know what predators use to trap minors and it begins with “they don’t understand you, but I do.”

This needs to be considered very carefully when sending messages of support to vulnerable young people, because once kids believe it’s ok for adults to behave in this way predators WILL step in. However good your intentions may be, this is the shit we need to think about.

DpWm · 18/06/2019 16:38

Gingerkitty you can obviously see how quickly a meme like "free mom hugs* escalates to "I'm your Dad now, because your parents hate you".
They're very different memes.

Everyone Let's not forget our recent NSPCC favourite, filming himself pissing and wanking off in there work toilets, referred to himself as a "cub".
There are links between "furries" (people who have a fetish for having an animal persona) and pedophilia. It has been documented. They have jumped into the "gender identity" bandwagon claiming "furry" as a gender etc... Bit of a digression there but it's really really wise to be cautious on behalf of vulnerable children. How can you not be?

Gingerkittykat · 18/06/2019 16:23

www.pride.gift/campaigns/-/-/tags/LGBTQ%20Rights/21e37a?retailProductCode=6D9BD0AE22E0B6-E5FE430AFA6F-GS0-TC0-BLK

Free mom hugs, are these also predatory?

I took the bear hug to mean the free hugs given out to people ostracised by their parents for being gay. I had no idea about bears and cubs, exactly what does that entail?

It is possible to feel parental and protective to a younger person, even if you share the same sexuality, without any sexual motives behind it.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/06/2019 15:45

I've complained. Didn't take long. I asked them to think about how vulnerable gender questioning children are, and how often they have other problems that make them vulnerable to abuse, and how this could be abused by predators, given it's a classic abuse tactic to try to isolate the victim from friends and family.

There is a massive difference between me, as an adult woman, choosing to hug a comparative stranger I've just spent time with, and a child being hugged by a complete stranger who is proclaiming that he is now that child's dad because their family don't love the child any more. Anyone who can't see the difference is either not too strong on reasoning ability or wilfully blind.

LinoleumBlownapart · 18/06/2019 15:28

The problem I have with this is that you're putting two things in one place. Sexuality and sexual preference and a parent/child relationship. Those two things don't belong together.

This t-shirt that says the wearer wants to be both a lover and a parent to a younger person. If anyone thinks it has some other meaning, please enlighten me.

DpWm · 18/06/2019 15:03

What, how can I defend a picture of bears?
Good greif. If you can't understand a visual metaphor it's probably a good job to leave the thread.

youkiddingme · 18/06/2019 14:46

I might offer someone who is upset a hug. But not from behind and not whilst offering to be their parent. They key thing being, in both body and verbal language, that it is an offer that can be refused and boundaries are respected.

OrchidInTheSun · 18/06/2019 14:18

Audacity - if a child confessed to a teacher that they're having issues st home, would you think it was appropriate for that teacher to tell the child that they were their parent now?

Like with the rubber guy at the nspcc, we have to hold the gay community to exactly the same standards as the straight community. Boundary crossing does not help vulnerable children; it harms them.

TheInebriati · 18/06/2019 14:14

Rule one of safeguarding; no one is above suspicion.
Safe behaviour is something you just do.

If you don't know how to behave safely around children because you are naive or stupid, you are a safeguarding risk even if your intentions were 'well meaning''.

Justhadathought · 18/06/2019 14:06

You know what, I'm out. You all want this to be sinister very badly and aren't open to anyone suggesting the possibility that it might, just might, not be what you're thinking

Most of us are mothers, and many of us work or have worked in professions involving children and/or mental health. Also many of us have experiences and awareness of gay male culture/Pride etc

Personally, I also had some experience, in early 1980's, around the PIE, and I know how they operate.

AlwaysComingHome · 18/06/2019 14:04

Um, a logo on a t-shirt is not evidence.

If I see a t-shirt with ‘MUFC’ and a picture of a Red Devil on it I’m going to make assumptions about the wearer. If I see ‘Pink Flloyd’ emblazoned on a t-shirt I am going to make assumptions.

A t-shirt is the clothing equivalent of a billboard.

AlwaysComingHome · 18/06/2019 13:58

I'm not mad keen to so quickly equate gay with paedophile that's all

Maybe not, but there is clearly a market within the gay community who do.