Retard means to hold back, so backwards thinking. But it’s associated with unpleasant notions about people with intellectual disabilities, so distasteful.
On the other hand, “beyond the pale” has nothing to do with skin colour. Pale in this context means fence.
“Pale in this idiom comes from Latin pālus 'stake'; it means a fencepost, and by ordinary extension it also means the fence itselt, and the area it contains or delimits. So beyond the pale just means "outside the boundaries".
Having satisfied my inner-pedant, for the record:
In the real world human biological sex is binary.
Only female humans can get pregnant. Only female humans can have abortions.
Human males do not get pregnant nor have abortions.
People’s beliefs and feelings do not deconstruct material reality. In the case of specific biological imperatives, such as human reproduction, recognition of reality must take precedence over delusions of gender.
That’s not out of prejudice or phobia, but because medical ethics must dictate recognition of the kind of body needing care, in order to deliver care.
If I had to choose between some amphormous coddling of ambiguous pronouns or proper consideration of the needs of my biology, I am rational enough to choose the latter.
If you think the former is more important, then it might be that your mental health needs some help.