Boundaries and Allies

There is a huge thing to draw between nice trans and nasty trans?

What is they, fucking five?

Fascinating btw that HQ has managed to nip in here and delete anything that's women not being nice enough to male born people stomping all over their rights, but the creepy as fuck post from the incel male who was enjoying themselves one handed all over several threads has been left to stand, despite reporting.

Who draws it?

That is the thing that gets my goat the most. The utter entitlement that DH will make the decisions and then inform women. It comes up again and again. DH doesn't identify as as woman, DH doesn't see DH's self as anything so inferior.

Debbie if toilets and female only space was just politics and no biggie then why do you insist on using them against women's consent? If it's no big deal and just a joke use the mens.

I wonder why you will never get an answer to that question?

Debbie if toilets and female only space was just politics and no biggie then why do you insist on using them against women's consent? If it's no big deal and just a joke use the mens.

Debbie, you "get" that your intrusion into women's loos causes problems for women. I hope you'd acknowledge that it does the same for girls. So why do you continue to do it? You know that you're not a woman. You know that the facilities are sex segregated for good reason. So why?

And how would you react if you were frogmarched out of the women's loos by a none-too-happy woman?

TinselAngel

You are a one woman saviour. Your compassion on that thread is only matched by your steely determination to adhere to reality.

I don't think it's an easy combination. To have tremendous empathy, depth, sympathy and humanity, whilst saying it like it is, unvarnished, but without fear or without producing fear.

It's a handhold of the highest order. Tremendous stuff.

Previously mumsnet have made the distinction between criminals and law abiding citizens. So I guess Cathy falls under dodgy enough.

I did at the time ask what level of criminality would make speaking the truth acceptable.

Actually that's not right, I don't generally post a link, I say "come over to the trans widow thread on FWR" and let them use their own initiative to find it.

My strategy generally if I see somebody on another forum or social media who I think would benefit from joining the thread, I DM them.

If it's MN then I just post a link.

I read the transwidow thread Tinsel I've quietly cheered when another woman finds the strength to move on with their life and continue to be desperately sad for EmilyHowardsWife I wish she would LTB.

I think the thread is really important and once read you can't ever see a TW with a wife or ex-wife in the wings as someone to be celebrated in any feminist group

I read it quite regularly Tinsel. It's heartbreaking at times but a sobering reminder of the real women and children who are left to pick up the pieces when men transition.

Agnieska's face from that little BBC short haunts me

Exactly pachyderm.

The other thing is, I defy anyone to read that thread and not get it in a heartbeat. I mean Really. Get. It.

I seem to have overstepped by calling a man a man,... I obviously need re-education

Same here. And yet no one seems to mind that I misgendered 'Cathy' in the Julie Bindel thread. Is there a list somewhere of individuals who are entitled to have their preferred pronouns enforced on this board?

Got it tinsel.

If people start being sceptical about the entire issue of AGP, I direct them to your thread.

I wouldn't generally direct a TRA there, although I would probably mention it's existence. I certainly wouldn't put it on Twitter, not that I could!

Tinselangel just to let you know I read the Transwidows thread and it has profoundly influenced my view on the "brave and stunning" middle aged straight brigade. I can't ever read of a married father's "journey into womanhood" without thinking of those whose lives he has upended. We don't celebrate the 50 year old who dumps his wife for his secretary but it's supposedly wonderful when he starts wearing her tights, calling himself Barbara and making a lie of their marriage and family.

Certainly people who have already found FWR shouldn't feel it's so private that they can't read them.

Well, there's no need to start proclaiming the threads existence from the rooftops to hostile ears, but on the other hand it doesn't have to be a state secret- we need people who will benefit from our support to find us.

The odd dichotomy with this entire issue is that everyone needs to know, but no one wants to draw fire.

This, all the time.

I'm glad to have had my mind changed about the transwidows threads. I had stayed away because I saw them as support groups and I've avoided publicly drawing attention to them lest those women get shut down and lose that support.

I have to say I am really impressed that this thread is still live.

I seem to have overstepped by calling a man a man,... I obviously need re-education.

Transwidows threads are extraordinarily powerful. Once I read those experiences it was impossible not to have cognitive dissonance over married males who identify as a transwoman.

At this rate we'll end up with the only people reading the threads being us, and those of our ex's that monitor them

Haven't - but will be!

TinselAngel

I'm glad you said all this, about people reading it.

The odd dichotomy with this entire issue is that everyone needs to know, but no one wants to draw fire.

Personally, I think it's an incredibly powerful thread. It serves the dual purpose of supporting women on it, and informing women who read it.

The experiences are undeniable and the causes of them, indefensible.

It's a very important thread.

I wasn't particularly asking for other people to post on the trans widows thread, what I meant was if nobody reads it it will fail in its secondary purpose of raising awareness of our experiences.