Encouraging "girliness" to discourage certain future problems

30 replies

FlutterShite · 04/06/2019 09:45

I'm wrestling with this and wondered what your thoughts were. My young daughter in primary school is quite robust and active - she loves the kind of activities that could potentially mark her out as "really a boy" at some point in the future, is remarked upon for climbing trees (yes, seriously!) and enjoying getting muddy and scruffed up.

Recently she'd leaned towards toys like dolls and the more princessy-type Playmobil, and has started to show an interest in more obviously feminine clothes and accessories.

Nothing wrong with that, but I understand the social and commercial influences that are steering her towards these things. However, contrary to how I would have responded a few years ago, I'm thinking I should let her go full-on "girly" to reduce the risk of her being advised at a later date that she is probably trans because she has supposedly male traits.

I'd really appreciate a feminist viewpoint on this. I don't know many women IRL who would get what I'm even on about, especially those who've waxed their girls' eyebrows and let them wear make-up since they were tiny. Am I being odd just thinking about this? Or would I be letting the side down by reinforcing the message that yes, girls should fit into these boxes?

OP posts:

Michelleoftheresistance · 04/06/2019 10:09

I understand your fears. However we need to arm girls now, and trans lobbyists, with the clear knowledge that 'female' doesn't mean 'performs currently fashionable stereotypes' (as those constantly evolve and change) and that females can wear pink and high heels and fix their own cars and have short hair and play rugby, females are free to do whatever they want. The only thing they have in common is their biology. Same for arming boys and trans lobbyists with the knowledge that boys can equally do whatever they want without it meaning they are not male.

Otherwise it's just conforming to a lot of stereotypes for no reason in which nobody is happy and nobody wins, and females especially lose.

Beamur · 04/06/2019 10:09

I just told my daughter there's no such thing as boys toys/games or girls equivalents. They are all just toys/games/clothes - wear what you want, play how stimulates you.
She used to have long hair, wear dresses, climb trees, play in the mud etc. She's since had her hair cut and now prefers leggings and t-shirts.
If she wants to shave her legs and wear makeup I'm fine with that, if she doesn't, that's good too.

RosaWaiting · 04/06/2019 10:03

there's a middle way - I mean you don't have to say or show that girls "should" do anything. Let her find her own way.

then think what you'd do without the problems that are currently facing us. If she wanted her nails done, would you say yes or no? At the risk of being flamed, I'd say "no, maybe when you are older".

it's okay to say there's a time for princess dresses if that's what you feel like, and there's a time for climbing trees and they might occur in the same hour!

Original poster

FlutterShite · 04/06/2019 09:56

Thanks, Tinyteatime.

OP posts:

Tinyteatime · 04/06/2019 09:54

I wouldn’t make too much of it. Children go through phases. Trying to discourage a young child from doing ‘girls’ things or ‘boys’ things might be more confusing and lead to more problems IMO. As she gets older you can have more in depth conversations about Male and female socialisation. I’d like to let mine just be kids and do what they like for as long as possible. My dd is 4 and hasn’t really shown that she even understands what a boy/girl is and certainly doesn’t seem to realise that there are ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ toys. Long may it last.

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