Beauty regime burdens

"and it can't be the same thing so often that it's recognisable"

Many of us have pointed out that in our own lives we've never seen thing thing of women not being supposed to wear the same thing twice. Even for women with public profiles, I think it works better for them if they DO wear the same or similar things all the time as it helps recognition. My MP wears more or less the same thing all the time.

"How many men have received rape threats for having a beard."

I don't know, but I imagine many would not get certain jobs if they didn't shave their faces, at least when beards are not in fashion.
How many women get threats for not shaving their legs? It's not the norm, is it? I can assure you that if I went out with hairy legs, nobody would even notice let alone threaten me.

Whether the feelings have a basis in reality is, in many ways, neither here nor there.

This is of course true, but at that same time it can be worth pointing out that some things people feel are necessary, aren't.

Sometimes it can be a very welcome revelation to find out that really, no one cares if you wear boy shorts rather than some high cut leg bikini thing at the beach, and quite a few people do so but you just never noticed.

Just posted this on another thread and its made me think ..........

"An ex of mine was quite hairy (a redhead) and it didnt bother me one iota. Ditto he wasnt bothered whether i waxed my legs or not
We had an amazing sexual chemistry and couldnt stay away from each other.
Body hair just didnt come into it."

It does make me wonder if the people whose preferences are that strong have ever felt true sexual chemistry.

Ex and i were so into each other we didnt care about body hair.

The level of our want for each other was that strong.

"Yes, but many men shave their face every day, or every weekday, regardless of season or what they're wearing. I think men have more of a chore when it comes to shaving"

How many men have received rape threats for having a beard.

People have mentioned the different expectations that exist for women and for men as far as clothing is concerned, and it's really interesting to see how there are restrictions for everyone, but not the same ones. So a man can wear (in fact must wear) what amounts to a uniform to any formal occasion, and it's fine so long as he wears it properly. A woman has lots of choice, but she has to make the right choice, and it can't be the same thing so often that it's recognisable. A lot of the time, the women can be in light dresses with sandals, and the men have to be in full suits with heavy shoes regardless of the weather. But then, as some people have been saying, summer clothing for women comes with the assumption that body hair will not be seen, regardless of how informal the occasion is. At least if a man does have the opportunity to get some of his kit off, nobody expects him to be hairless. (Not entirely true for young fellows these days, so we hear.)

And men do have facial hair which requires some attention, if not daily shaving. But then, there are women whose physical nature makes facial hair want to grow for them too, and isn't that the Ultimate Horror? I've heard women say that dealing with persistent beard and moustache growth is a miserable job, and at least the world allows for some degree of unshaven-ness in the case of male faces. So it's not clear who's in the worst position.

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2301773183179160&id=172523236104176&ref=m_notif&notif_t=feedback_reaction_generic

Nothing has shocked me more than this advert for a printer that prints make up onto a thin film to cover any disfigurements like freckles and save hours of applying makeup.

Yeh I have very dark thick hair on pale skin too barelove. Good advice on the tights though, thanks :)

Does anyone know someone in real life who does that?

Yes. Sadly several of the young women in my office do because they’ve seen their idols doing it.

By I had the same dress dilemma and wore a pair of lacey footless tights which meant I could still wear my nice sandles and not shave. I had hairy ankles but thought that was ok as at least I’d made the effort.

How crap that it’s come to this: that we feel it’d be drawing attention to ourselves at someone else’s event to wear a dress with hairy legs.

I’m talking a thick covering of dark hairs on pale skin, not just wispy blond things before anyone says no one would probably even notice. Believe me, they notice.

Tbh, even if women aren't actually expected by anyone to do these things, it's pretty clear that an awful lot of us feel like we are. I get all the "who's forcing you to wear a bikini?", "why can't you wear a suit/ recycle your dress?" comments, and they may be correct that no one actually gives a shit, but if women feel like they have to or they'll face judgement then the effect is the same. Whether the feelings have a basis in reality is, in many ways, neither here nor there.

the inequality of swimwear. It always irritates me that on holiday men can lounge around the pool and swim etc in comfy looking shorts that are long enough to cover everything. Yet women and girls are expected to wear skimpy items that necessitate shaving and even if that's not a problem put us at constant risk of showing more than we want to if we dare to actually move about.

This is my hell atm. I'm no longer shaving anywhere as a political statement and because I don't care and can't be fucked and as a result I can only go swimming if I'm happy to have all my pubic hair on display because all swimsuits/ bikinis are high legged and pushup bras etc. I just want swimming trunks like men get. Comfy, sensible swimming trunks that don't ride up your arse. My options on that front seem to be either spend ££££ on some board shorts or buy trunks from the teenage boy section!

the thing is you have to be mindful that the event is for those people, not yourself; you have a duty to them to appear appropriately

That's it, I'm having a grump atm because I've got a dress for my friends wedding but I don't want to shave my legs but I don't want to draw any attention to myself at someone else's event. My mum and partner suggested I go in a nice suit which I'd fucking love to do, but I don't think someone elses wedding is the right place to make a stand on this stuff. I just want to be as invisible as possible, but I don't want to shave my sodding legs. It's taken me a year to get passed the scratchy phase to the comfy phase and I'm not starting over!

"So I did a cursory look for a swim set that had shorts, and the only thing on figleaves with shorts was bloody £96."

I have a swimming leg suit that was a normal price. It is more appropriate for the pool than for sunbathing. For sunbathing, I might wear bikini top and shorts.
I know lots of female politicians who rotate the same clothes all the time. I think you're really exaggerating the need for different outfits for formal events.

"Waist training. A bullshit phrase for modern day tight lacing/corsetry. I thought that shit had gone out with the 16th century but apparently not. "

Does anyone know someone in real life who does that?

"I worked out I have spent 156 hours of my life yes, nearly an entire week just shaving under my arms.

I dread to think what the figure would be if I included shaving my legs as well.

That's astonishing put in this way."

Yes, but many men shave their face every day, or every weekday, regardless of season or what they're wearing. I think men have more of a chore when it comes to shaving.

Great post PackingSoap

To put a figure on it, I totted up how much time it has taken me in my life thus far to shave my arm pits. Presuming two minutes three times a week for 30 years, I worked out I have spent 156 hours of my life yes, nearly an entire week just shaving under my arms.

I dread to think what the figure would be if I included shaving my legs as well.

That's astonishing put in this way.

Just leaving this here:

www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jun/05/high-heels-at-work-are-necessary-says-japan-labour-minister

In response to Japanese women who have protested against this.

Yet women and girls are expected to wear skimpy items that necessitate shaving and even if that's not a problem put us at constant risk of showing more than we want to if we dare to actually move about

There are plenty of options which are not skimpy. I have a tank top with a built in bra worn with "boy's shorts" style bottoms and a skirted suit which covers a lot. Neither have ever resulted in any accidents, nor any shaving.

Who is "expecting" you to wear skimpy swimwear? I doubt anyone at the beach or pool gives tuppence about what others are wearing.

A man can wear a black lounge suit for an afternoon tea, a dinner, a civic day event, an awards ceremony, an evening performance, Remembrance Sunday, a Christmas party, a church service, a funeral, pretty much anything that's formal

But women can't, as a rule

There is absolutely no reason why formal outfits can't be worn to more than one event. You could attend all the events you mention, except a full on black- tie event, in the same tailored dress or suit.

Packing "I can't wear what I would wear to our Remembrance Sunday ceremonies to a charity afternoon tea with our local dementia groups"

oh. I have to say, I would just have one suit for all. Is it really that big a deal for the people benefitting or is it the people who run these things who would be judgey?

I literally haven't worn a skirt or dress for about 20 years. I do work the odd charity event but I'm not important, IYSWIM

I am not someone who would be photographed for the local paper etc. But quite honestly I am at a loss to see how a nice suit for both those occasions would be a problem, unless it's the criticism of snobby types that you are dealing with.

sorry to digress, but I talked a lot with my late father about charity work options and some of the ones he was involved with seemed to be so stuffy, I rejected them I'm afraid!

I am always amazed when someone suggests some kind of beauty treatment as pampering. Apart from not enjoying it, I feel it's upholding something I don't wish to participate in, and also not something I would spend money on.

TheHodge- is not just the expectation that we should do all this, but the absolute con that we should ENJOY it as well.

Exactly. Having our hair, nails, legs etc beautified is somehow supposed to be relaxing and indulgent 'me' time. Not to mention shopping for clothes, shoes, makup etc which we all know is every woman's favourite hobby. So all the extra time we spend conforming to social expectations, not to mention trying to work out what is appropriate for any given occasion and find one that fits us, is actually a treat for us. And when we inevitably take longer shopping/at the hairdressers etc and need more shoes/clothes than men they make jokes about it, as if we do this because we just get carried away with the FUN of it all.

I distinctly remember when my DC1 was small, I was breastfeeding and had very little sleep for weeks. My MIL made me an appointment for a manicure and said she was taking me there and then shopping for a few hours so I could have a break. I know she thought she was doing something nice but I just wanted to scream that it would just be more shit to do and the opposite of a break.

Rosa

It's the type of event as well that's an issue.

A man can wear a black lounge suit for an afternoon tea, a dinner, a civic day event, an awards ceremony, an evening performance, Remembrance Sunday, a Christmas party, a church service, a funeral, pretty much anything that's formal.

But women can't, as a rule. I can't wear what I would wear to our Remembrance Sunday ceremonies to a charity afternoon tea with our local dementia groups. And the thing is you have to be mindful that the event is for those people, not yourself; you have a duty to them to appear appropriately, particularly if those people have gone to a lot of effort themselves. Otherwise, people can get very offended (and upset, particularly if they are elderly).

A very famous example would be the annual furor over poppy-wearing on TV and politicians that do not wear appropriate clothing at The Cenotaph on Whitehall. It is best just to avoid all of that by doing the socially and culturally appropriate thing.

But therein is the bind! The socially and culturally appropriate thing is far more work for women than men.

green I'm in an outer London burb ....thinking about it, the ones here have no web presence or anything, so maybe ask around if anyone knows one.

also if you have a not-posh men's barber, ask them if they will do a dry cut for a reasonable price.

@RosaWaiting- I'm not in London I'm afraid, but a rather small semi rural town. I am am crap at styling my hair so wouldn't dare risk cutting it myself so as I have not yet managed to befriend a hairdresser I'm stuck with paying £££ and spending hours attempting to make small talk and feeling embarrassed to answer questions about my haircair 'routine'just for a trim or having hair like cousin it.

@PackingSoap- ah yes, the inequality of swimwear. It always irritates me that on holiday men can lounge around the pool and swim etc in comfy looking shorts that are long enough to cover everything. Yet women and girls are expected to wear skimpy items that necessitate shaving and even if that's not a problem put us at constant risk of showing more than we want to if we dare to actually move about. In recent years I have discovered the 'swimdress'- which at least covers a bit more of the groin/bum area so I can walk around without being paranoid that I may have my pants up my bum or worse. But I have recently lost quite a lot of weight (for health reasons) and now it seems this item is only for the larger women. I did mention this to DH and he pointed out that speedo swimming trunks for men are just as skimpy as bikinis. Then I asked him how often he has seen anyone wearing them on a family holiday and whether he would like to stroll around the pool in them this year. I think he got the point.

Another thought about all this, what truly annoys me about the beauty regime (after being annoyed about the time, thought, money and double standards involved), is not just the expectation that we should do all this, but the absolute con that we should ENJOY it as well.
I hate the way getting manis and pedis is sold (to an increasingly young audience) as something to actually enjoy. That it's somehow quality, enjoyable "me time". ARGHHHHHH

Packing have you considered doing the tux jacket thing? You will still look fine for the role I hope?

If you are not a trousers person, then what about the same dress for all the events? I can't see why anyone would be offended or annoyed or whatever. You will get some people who want to be critical but just say "DH wears the same thing every time".