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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Tools for recognising manipulative abuse

26 replies

PickledGulag · 31/05/2019 14:26

I had to learn normal after years of extreme abuse.

One of the best tools I use to stop second guessing myself against manipulation is to extract and categorise the relevant statements so that I can fully recognise them for what they are. A way of unmuddying the waters.

The following categories work for most scenarios I have had to deal with and by taking a comment or statement and putting it under one of these headings I am then able to understand it for the manipulation it is. This stops me being harmed by it and allows me to stay centred.

SHAME / DISGUST

BELITTLING / MOCKING

PATRONISING / RE-EDUCATING

MINIMISING

GASLIGHTING / IRRELEVANT

When I can't sleep I can use this process to help my brain understand what I have heard or read. I did this yesterday for a discussion on the removal of single sex toilets that I found increasingly frustrating. I took 12 hours and categorised, I feel the results shared might help others?

OP posts:
PickledGulag · 31/05/2019 14:28

SHAME / DISGUST

bloody women where I work bloody hover and spray piss all over the seat!

what ‘spills’ do you need to mop up in the sink area?

been in some women only toilets that are pretty rank

washing moon cups in a hand basin. How fucking revolting.

women's toilets were absolutely disgusting

because they cry in them? Ffs. Or they need them because they have miscarriages? Well undoubtedly this happens to some but it's hardly a daily occurrence. And as for having to wash blood off their hands in front of a man.

recently found blood on the loo seat from some woman with a period sooo gross!

some sort of internalised misogyny, that nice ladies are not supposed to shit and piss and make smelly emissions, and we're supposed to pretend to men that we only ever nip off the to the "washroom" to powder our noses

Amazed at the concept that only men pee on the seats

How messy are you at changing a tampon if you end up with blood on your hands

rather share with men than "hoverers" any day

odd internalised shame about the processes of our bodies. Why should we feel shame or discomfort at letting men know we fart and shit and (shock horror!) menstruate

Can't imagine what 'spills' you get

women even put penis’s in their mouths

rather not share with anyone! Especially the ones who don’t get changed in a cubicle and do it at the sinks, wash sanitary products in them and stand gossiping for ages when I’m in there trying to pee. And women’s toilets are often disgusting

women's toilets in the last office I worked in were disgusting

have to touch blood stained toilet flushes and door handles because some women apparently get blood soaked hands when changing sanitary devices

making it totally commonplace to (gasp!) hear someone changing their tampon can only be a good thing for removing the shame surrounding menstruation

there are some pretty disgusting women

clean your moon cup in the toilet cubicle and not splatter the contents around the communal basin

gross washing a mooncup in the communal sink or being so messy your hands are covered in period blood (very unhygienic)

sanitary towels poking out the bin that is our messy problem

cleaner than the women's toilets.. Spraying hoverers who don't wipe up

wipe ones hand with toilet paper if they’re bloody

No way would I trot out in front of anyone. And I'm not precious about periods

seen absolutely vile messes left in the ladies

worst kind of feminist? The one who decides she’s more of a feminist than one of her sisters. You don’t speak for all women

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