Feminism making me look at everything in a different way

Or the ones who claim to believe in equality when it comes to who splits the cost on a date but suddenly forget all about it later on when it comes to splitting childcare. You see them claim to believe in equality on the threads about dating and who should pay but the same usernames are never seen on this board. Or not on this board anywhere near as often. Funny that!

I'm a little confused? Are you talking about women or men here?

Or the ones who claim to believe in equality when it comes to who splits the cost on a date but suddenly forget all about it later on when it comes to splitting childcare. You see them claim to believe in equality on the threads about dating and who should pay but the same usernames are never seen on this board. Or not on this board anywhere near as often. Funny that!

RosaWaiting - most of my friends wouldn’t describe themselves as feminists and seem to be happy living quite gendered roles

On the surface, I, too, live with some fairly gendered roles in my life - but they are of my own choosing, and even if I get fed up now & then about all of the food shopping, food preparation & cooking I do, I realise that I actually like being busy, and serving food, at the same time.

I think in a marriage and family situation we make all sorts of 'arrangements' and compromises - just out of practicality. They do need to be fairly reciprocal too, though.

However, what matters more than any specific role I adopt in my everyday life, is who I am as a person, and how confident I feel to name my own experience and be myself.

Being 4’11 is surprisingly useful for playing patriarchy chicken.

I have to look up at pretty much everyone anyway so I don’t really give a fuck how much bigger they are.

I also blame MN I'm seeing it everywhere!!
I've been playing Patriarchy chicken now that I've realised that I automatically move out of the way for men. So far I've not budged, one or two have not been happy but I've not banged into anyone yet

It is an interesting exercise to hold & meet the male gaze too. Not subject yourself to it.

On the issue of moving out of a male path: most men are just human, of course, and aim to accommodate ( certainly when alone, they do); but you do come across some men who you just know & sense are violent bullies in their personal life, and they don't like it one bit if you keep to your path, and don't budge for them. It takes nerve, and a good sense of judgment, so as not to endanger yourself unnecessarily, but interesting and empowering nonetheless.

OP "I really need to act more feminine and just simper when men make these “jokes” but I just can’t...."

no, you don't need to simper. Why would you need to do that?

a stony silence or raised eyebrow will ensure you don't need to listen to the idiocy again.

I am reading the excellent ‘Invisible Women’ by Caroline Criado Perez.

It is not helping the affliction you describe.

I also blame MN I'm seeing it everywhere!!
I've been playing Patriarchy chicken now that I've realised that I automatically move out of the way for men. So far I've not budged, one or two have not been happy but I've not banged into anyone yet.

I think that once you have centred your own experiences as a woman; owned your own voice; your own feelings; your own perspective as a woman on things - you do change. But you also become more empowered as a person.

It's not all anger and resentment. It is positive. You can own your own space; inhabit fully your own body; not automatically make of yourself an object for the male gaze ( which women do unconsciously and habitually Speak with confidence your own words.

Feminism is about becoming a fuller, more rounded, more authentic human being.

One of my bugbears is when in my job I receive correspondence from someone named only as, for example, J Smith or A Brown. I'd put money on it that these are men who expect me to reply to them as Mr Smith or Brown because that is the default, so I take pleasure as addressing them as Ms [Surname].

He won't Clown my DS is 3 also and I'm bricking it for when he goes to school and is exposed to older kids and god knows what but my wise friend said that Me and DH are his biggest influencers and I felt very reassured by this. Even when he is a gruff teenager I'm determined to have a good relationship with him. I will talk to him about consent and respect. He's already my little ecowarrior and it won't be long before I add feminist to that too!

You're his hero, keep him close and he will be fine xx

DS is 3 and I became more interested in feminism once he was born. It coincided with an increased interest in politics too, as he was born abouta month before the Brexit referendum and I don’t think the rage has left me since then.

Unfortunately for me, this ‘enlightment’ coupled with incidents that occurred while I was growing involving men, has just led me to the point where I openly admit that I dislike men. As unhelpful as that is to feminism, I don’t like them, don’t trust them and am incredibly scared that, despite my best efforts, DS will grow up to be complicit in rape culture etc because that seems to be inevitable.

Lana
That's exactly it, the They Live analogy.

Once you see it, you realise it's everywhere, it's supported and endorsed by people you love and admire, it's eroding the quality of life of women and girls. And then you get disparaged for being an angry feminist.

If we're not furious, we're not paying attention.

And what’s saddest is pretty much everything on this thread so far is on the very mild end of the spectrum.

The lack of respect afforded to women as human beings daily, in every level of society, is just frightening.

Like Reese Witherspoon said, the amount of films where women say ‘what do we do??’ - how many times IRL do women not know exactly what to do in any given crisis. Seriously.

Oh god the policing of toys.

My DS was once told he couldn't have a pram cos it's "for girls"....my answer was "why..do men not have babies too"?? With this face

And I'm so grateful to FWR for helping me see it.

Films give me the fucking rage.....cute girls and older men, women being helpless bystanders.

Men on public transport taking up room or leering at teens, being talked over when the woman knows more....

that's interesting OP, I would have thought if you wouldn't tell one child off, then you wouldn't tell any child off IYSWIM.

I do tend to mix with a small group and they are mostly feminists. One had comments from some of her family because her son played with toy cookers and so on.

I also posted on here once when we took her DC to a bookshop and the girl came back saying "I want this book but it's for boys" with a downcast face.

funny thing about not having kids - you never think you'll end up explaining this stuff to kids, but you do

also reported on here when I heard a woman telling her DD not to play on a big car in a store "because that's for boys". I butted in. I'm not sorry!

You know that film "They Live"?
Where the guy puts on those glasses and can suddenly see the ads for what they really are?
Thats exactly how feminism has been for me!

All of a sudden it's like the world has become a dystopian nightmare and I'm one of the few who see it.

It makes everything have a completely different tone.

I've had to back off friendships....so many friends are actually fucking sexist pigs (this is in the lefty punk world)

A few years ago I went to see Caitlin Moran speak. She decribed this as wearing feminist glasses. As soon as you put them on, the world as you see it changes. Everything is the same but different. And once you see it, you can't unsee it.

"As soon as they got off the tube, the woman got out a sandwich to eat, she obviously didn’t feel comfortable to eat in front of the men."

yes, there was a stage of men photographing women eating on public transport and uploading the pictures.

tbh I would say what's happened is you've had a reality check, sorry. I've lived in London all my life and I always find this kind of behaviour worrying on the Tube, and women do have to protect themselves.

I learned early that I should check any football times because getting stuck in a carriage with them means so much "chatting up", sometimes the easiest thing to do is go along with it. Smile so you don't get abused.

I came to feminism early on in my adulthood so most of my life has been lived with the searing knowledge of just how horrendously unjust things are and how deep and entrenched the poison is.

It’s a heavy price to pay for my intellectual awakening. Ignorance really is bliss. You can see why many people prefer to remain blinkered to the reality of things.

It’s utterly shit.

I know exactly what you mean. Part of me wishes I could go back to being oblivious and having learnt to keep the part of me that felt angry or that something wasn't fair to one side and carry on.

But now I see it everywhere in everything and it can never be unseen.