Feminism making me look at everything in a different way

I was thinking about women's strength watching Gentleman Jack.

Ann Lister was portrayed as being really something unusual for being tough and forthright, (quite apart from the lesbianism) but I know so many women like that and they have existed through history, and achieved a lot too. They have just been forgotten or men have taken their achievements.

I've just seen Rutherford & Son at the theatre - written by a woman in 1912, who has fallen into obscurity and originally presented, like JK Rowling as GK Sowerby to hide the fact she was a woman:

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Githa_Sowerby

It was an excellent play.

We all know that most women are stronger than most men. Why do you think they’re all so invested in the patriarchy? They need it to be that way because they know they probably wouldn’t stand a chance if things were truly on an equal standing.

Being 4’11 is surprisingly useful for playing patriarchy chicken.

I have to look up at pretty much everyone anyway so I don’t really give a fuck how much bigger they are.

This is very true - when everyone's so much bigger, what difference does a few more inches make :)

I tell you what, it's really made empathy with the kids easier for me than for DP too - I understand why a 3 year old finds the medium sized dog scary, it's because to him it's like coming eye to eye with a bull! DP just doesn't see it, because he's forgotten what it's like being a kid, and moves through the world as one of the biggest humans in it.

I was brought up by my mum, grandma and aunt as my father left us. They always told me that women are stronger than men.
I don't let a man put me down either at work or socially but I had to learn to be more subtle as being very open about this earns you a "bossy" attitude. Sad but true.

I am raising my daughter to be the same x

I think it’s almost worse to bring girls up to think they can be empowered

Yes. What shall I tell my young teenage dd when she wants to go out in a skirt that barely covers her bum?

I think it’s almost worse to bring girls up to think they can be empowered

Difficult isn’t it? I was brought up to believe women were approaching equality and the gradual realisation that we were actually going backwards has been really shit. That upbringing also led to complacency.

That said, now for the first time in my life, I think I’ve properly accepted who I am and am optimistic for the future.

The 'patriarchy chicken' is a good one to do, though, if you're up for it! It has certainly increased my own confidence.
You just decide to stop moving out of the way for men.

It just came over as men trying to ridicule women, and control women's behaviour.

Hithere12:

I remember reading reports in the tabloid press, roughly two or three years ago, sorry can't give you any references, but about men on social media, targeting, photographing, and ridiculing women, specifically, for eating food in public.

As soon as they got off the tube, the woman got out a sandwich to eat, she obviously didn’t feel comfortable to eat in front of the men

Hmmm idk about this one. I wouldn’t eat a sandwich if anyone (man or woman) sat next to me on a train, as I’d find it a bit rank if someone ate a sandwich right next to me. I know that might sound odd but isn’t it kind of inconsiderate? What if the sandwich smells of egg or something? I thought this was just being polite.

Well I’m glad that works for you.

Gosh Nink that's a really sad viewpoint.

On another thread today, someone was talking about how much for the better things were since the 60s, when you couldn't get contraception outside marriage or could be fired if you got married etc. That's within the life experience of many posters in here, so things are getting better.

And I'd rather say that yes women and girls can make a difference than say that change had to come from men!

No, there isn’t any fun in that for me. I used up all my hope and optimism on bringing up my daughters.

I think it’s almost worse to bring girls up to think they can be empowered and we can ‘be the change we need’ and all that stuff, which puts the onus on women to fix a male problem. If any meaningful change is to happen it will need to come from, be driven by, and put into action by men. And as we all know, there’s really not much incentive for men to change things. Even the good, decent men can’t actually do much.

Nothing will really change.

But isn't there fun to be had too in putting your feminist foot forward? As a teacher I point out misogyny when I see it and girls are usually pleased to rise to the challenge.( primary).

Last week I had a group for guided reading with a book about space travel. Now do you want to be a Space boy? it asked.... We had a great discussion and decided to write to the publisher.

I feel this way too. While battling with the huge issues that women are confronted with, day to day stuff includes:

Films, books I enjoyed have been ruined.

Men at my work are excused from being late to meetings etc.

Don't start me on the children's clothing aisles, birthday cards and toys!

It's everywhere!!!

Me too. I notice it everywhere now.

Even in places where I really, really don't expect to see it.

I'm a member of a group that does voluntary work in the community. The nature of our work is such that we have to be 'active listeners', think carefully about the words we use, be aware of body language and examine our own prejudices and biases. Basically self awareness, sensitivity and empathy with others are essential requirements. Every member has gone through considerable training.

A while ago we had a 'leaving do' for our chair, an extremely able and highly qualified professional woman in her mid 60s with a very high level career. Her time as chair was particularly testing and she had to deal with and steer us through some complicated issues.The farewell speech was given by a middle-aged male committee member, probably some 10 years her junior. He opened his remarks by referring to her as a girl. He later found it necessary to describe her as an 'intelligent woman' in a tone that suggested this was remarkable in some way.

I felt such outrage on her behalf. Whilst purporting to thank and congratulate her on her leadership of the group, this supposedly thoughtful and empathetic man was patronising and dismissive.

Would he have called an outgoing chairman a boy or remarked on him as an 'intelligent man'? Of course not.

but men when it comes to housework and childcare

If you both have to ( & want to) work full time then all of the other domestic stuff can be a real mine field; and most of us still fall into gendered roles.

If you stay at home as a Mum and are financially dependent, then the situation is different, of course. And some of that will depend on the nature and personality of your partner., and how generous & flexible, or controlling & dominating they are.

Personally, I have always expected to be boss when it comes to the house; and also to the children, if I'm honest. I think many mothers anticipate child care and domestic issues in a way that many men don't - and so expecting your partner to 'do as you would' can be futile and counter-productive.

Always relevant

Did you notice that all pre natal, post natal parenting books describe a baby as a he? Nearly all.

I had some books that used 'she'. One book commented on this in the introduction, and deliberately alternated chapters between he and she. That really took some getting used to.

Did you notice that all pre natal, post natal parenting books describe a baby as a he? Nearly all.

I unfortunately work with the middle age white men only who's wives did/do everything for them (kids, house, school duties) so they don't understand equality at all.

Worst of all, many of the NCT friends, do everything (house, kids) and work. Many don't get their husbands to pick or drop off as they "have important jobs". Completely weird if you ask me. Many speak of equality but at home they do everything?!?

but men when it comes to housework and childcare

Both.