make up and 6yo DD - what to do?

You can wear it ... (as) body art. But how many people (women) really do?

Children do it all the time.

And if your boys had liked make up?

I can see you are trying to 'position' me in some way - but you're on the wrong track altogether.

As it happens, one of my sons is bisexual; used to love Ricky Martin, and would pose bare chested with a big, gold chain around his neck, while DJ'ing and grooving at imaginary decks.

But, you know, this is FWR not AIBU. I thought women here would understand the issues with makeup, even if they choose to wear it every day themselves. It's pretty basic feminism - isn't it?

Well, you know the 'women's rights' board is the only one I visit - I can't be bothered with the rest. I found my way to Mumsnet, primarily, for discussion of the trans issue; and I would class myself as radical not liberal feminist.

Have to say surprised to see a thread about make-up here in the first place. But I responded in good faith - on the basis of having grown up children and a granddaughter.We all understand the issues with make-up - but some of us think you are getting too het-up about it. That's all.

My daughter has been putting make up on since she was 3. She puts it on me and we both end up looking like Bowie in the 70s, if the make up artist had been shit faced. Blue lips, silver foreheads, four extra eyebrows. Nothing like “grown up” make up.

Before that she painted herself with paint, so I prefer this.

One of her little friends goes to parties with very well done make up. I’m not a fan of that but if you let her mess with it she’ll just end up looking like something from 90s Aussie tv show The Tribe. If she’s not watching you put it on day in day out it’s just dress up.

You don't have to wear make up to cover up perceived flaws. You can wear it in the same way that you wear jewellery or clothes or any other kind of body art.

You don't have to wear make up to cover up perceived flaws. But people (women usually) do.
You can wear it ... (as) body art. But how many people (women) really do?

The fact that things can be done or are occasionally done doesn't really create a strong argument.

This is deeply sexist whether you realise it or not. Men do not do this. They do not feel like they're wearing jogging bottoms if they turn up to a wedding without a painted face. It's deeply disturbing to me that women like you think like this, and feel it's OK. It goes beyond a playful art form if you cannot be without it without feeling negative about yourself. I don't want my daughter falling into this trap.

Many men feel like they're under-dressed or not at their 'best' without hair products. Some won't leave the house without them either.

They were making a statement.

That make up is art? You don't have to wear make up to cover up perceived flaws. You can wear it in the same way that you wear jewellery or clothes or any other kind of body art.

You have a far bigger feminism issue than make up to be honest. You think it’s damaging and have very strong opinions on it and yet you’ll let it be handed to your 6 year old so as not to cause offence? What’s that teaching her?

If someone handed my son a golliwog or grand theft auto or I don’t know what else I’d say thanks but no thanks.

For what it’s worth I think there’s far bigger feminist issues to tackle than 6 year olds playing with make up sets targeted at dress up.

I wear a small amount of make up but there's no way I think it's appropriate for children. I'd give it a couple of weeks and hope she loses interest.

From your last post OP it seems that you're determined to try to shield your DD from anything typically feminine. Why shouldn't she have her face painted as a princess? Why can't a princess be strong and powerful?

I feel you're potentially a type of feminist who I'd describe as anti-pink and wants to actively push anything that isn't typical femininity. You might benefit from adopting a more open minded approach in my opinion.

Sure, but it's an art form based on deeply ideas that are deeply entrenched in our sexist society about women being decorative and our worth being related to our beauty.

David Bowie, Prince, Goths, Adam Ant, Punks, Duran Duran.

You don't have to accept sexist stereotypes. Make up can just be make up.

I'm a feminist and I wear make up every day. Not because I care what other people think, it makes me look better and I feel more confident. I also enjoy the process of applying it, it makes me feel ready for the day. Yo me, being a feminist is about being able to wear what I want to wear, including make up.

A six year old doesn't 'need' make up, but it's something that's fun to do and part of playing at being a grown up. I would say to her that she play with it indoors, but can't wear it outside the house, as its not good for her skin to have it on too often or wear it for too long.

OP, I share a lot of your views and in this case would tell her she's too young and depending on how hard-core I felt it would be put away for hallowe'en, or for when she's playing dress-up (though my dd played a lot of dress-up and I wouldn't want to have been cleaning the crap off her face every time she played dress-up), on balance probably for hallowe'en. And then it might go missing. Or its expiry date might be reached.

My 7 year old daughter is also interested in make up at present.

I’ve given her a few bits of colourful stuff (lipstick and eyeshadow, rather than concealers/foundations/‘flaw correction’ stuff) and have encouraged her to draw on my face (and her 18 year old big brother!) with it.

I replenished the paint/craft box at the same time, hoping that she will get the message that make up can be experimental art, rather than gendered conformity.

It’s not perfect, but outright refusal can make things more interesting (I have a chocolate obsessed friend who was raised in a total no-sugar household).

It's for dressing up not going out in at that age, easy distinction. If she wants "make up" for going out in a lip balm suffices!

Do you honestly believe that not allowing her to play with a bit of make up will mean that she won't want to wear it when she's older? She'll be inundated with images of over made up,surgically enhanced half naked woman soon enough and there won't be a thing you can do about it. Let her play with her toy.

OP I get your concerns, totally
but there are 2 things going on with this thread-

1. Can/should feminists wear make up?
2. What boundaries should I set as a parent, sp. a feminist parent.

I think it's best to consider these seperately and your main concern is with 2. From a parenting perspective, I think the banning of anything makes it desirable and will lead to all kinds of grief. Obviously some things require an outright ban (eg alcohol) but it strikes me this isn't one of them. I think to rebrand this make up as 'face paint' is a good option- she gets to play with her present, while also being creative and avoiding the whole 'girls must work hard to be pretty" narrative. Help her to draw butterflies on her legs or whatever. Maybe buy some extra stuff to extend the colour range.

Remember, actions speak louder than words and you are your DDs first teacher. She already KNOWS women don't have to wear make up. Presumably you don't have women's magazines in the house. If I was you I'd be looking for examples of ridiculous adverts and encourage her to critically analyse them ...it's not hard!!

I'm a feminist, and I love make up, because I think of it as a method of self expression, as a way to express my creativity and mood, and I think there's a risk we devalue female creativity if we automatically assume make up, fashion etc should be rejected

This nails my thoughts. I have super short (shaved) hair and pretty much never wear makeup. I am NOT pretty and I dgaf. I have a daughter slightly older than yours OP and had a similar dilemma. In the end i reasoned that feminism was about choice, and she should be free to choose. I reinforced the notion tha makeup is facepainting, and we do it for fun, not conform in some way.

To dismiss Make-up is to devalue it. I spent my childhood aggressively rejecting feminine stereotypes and I do think for me that did come from a chunk of internalised misogyny. So I’m aiming to teach dd to sift through the stereotypes and select the bits she likes. And to try very hard not to project my own prejudices on to her.

I can only speak for myself in this though.

Would you disagree with her getting her face painted? We're on holiday and my dd has had her face painted twice a day every day, is very specific about colours, patterns etc, usually wants them to match her outfit . Make up is the same thing. To me it's a form of art and expression. Perhaps if you have never been drawn to it, don't know how to use it then you don't appreciate it. I wear make up everyday. I love it. I don't do it for anyone other than myself. Am I confident without it? yes. I'm a professional woman with several degrees etc and do public speaking. To me not wearing make up is like going to a wedding in a pair of joggers as opposed to a dress which I would feel amazing in. Making a big deal out of it may backfire in the future.

I'd be more worried that your DD has a phone at age 6!

As others have said, let her play with it, be creative and store it with the dressing up things.

Don't make a big deal and she'll probably be bored of it very soon. Up to her if she chooses to wear make up when she's older.

Can we all take a breath she is 6 if her mum thinks she is too young for make up that is up to her.

that isnt the message OP is putting across. she is against makeup as a whole (or that is the message she is sending.)