AIBU to think it's ridiculous to spend money on facial fillers?

I read somewhere recently that there was to be some kind of legislation passed whereby cosmetic surgeons will be expected to, first of all, explore the emotional and psychological reasons for wanting surgery - especially in the case of those that have repeated, or varied, procedures.

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I think the problem is that perfectly normal, even lovely, looking people are feeling that they are not good enough just as they are and are having unnecessary surgery and making themselves look completely different. The new look ruins anything individual about their faces and gives them this weird identikit 'look'. Saw photos of Lauren Goodger yesterday and was shocked by how unrecognisable she is. See also Courtney Cox. I remember Jennifer Grey messed about with her nose and tanked her own career because she just didn't look like herself anymore. It's sad that people feel the need to do this
I think it's different from using fillers to correct deep lines or a feature that makes people feel self conscious.
Cosmetic surgeons shouldn't be allowed to do procedures solely on the grounds that the patient can afford to pay for it and wants it.

I'm autistic and really don't notice this pressure much of the time. ...... I see no reason why I should give a fuck what people like that think

Ha! It's a very common theme among autistic people - not feeling strong external or internal pressure to conform to various beauty or fashion standards / trends. :) I find it utterly fascinating to see the differences between autistic and neurotypical women.

I'm sure there are autistic women who love cosmetics and clothing as a special interest and will spend a lot of time on it. But as a rule of thumb most don't.

I think it's a combo of sensory issues, not picking up on the socialisation of conformity as well as the sheer amount of mental energy needed for these daily routines. I'm in awe of how much energy neurotypical women have for these things, usually every single day. I'm exhausted just trying to keep a full time job.

Somewhat stretching the topic, but I saw a few young women that had so much lip filler and other stuff done that they literally looked liked blow up sex dolls. I was really surprised to find that this is a thing, an actual look that some women aim for, and saw a young woman on facebook saying her BF really liked her 'sex doll' look.
Whilst I'm generally all for women looking how they want that certainly pushes some buttons for me.

If it's all about choice why is it overwhelmingly women doing it? Is it their 'lady brains'?

I have lip filler because my top lip is non existent without it. My face is not ruined, I look in more proportion if anything.

I like it, my husband likes it(although he objected at first as he didnt want his wife to have duck lips - which they're not, they look natural)

I do as I want, it's my body and my face.

Dont like, dont look

Personally I find judging other women in this negative way and being insulting about them crosses my line.

I guess we all have different lines. I'd rather use facial fillers than be a bitch about other women.

But you do you op.

Also I should maybe point out..I don't find it sad when women chose to get stuff like this. I was on about those who feel they have to do it, rather than that they want to, because of societys standards and policing of everything to do with women.

I do find it a bit sad that so many women seem to feel the need to do this. And IMO its a massive waste of money..especially as the results often look..odd. However, I spend my money on stuff others would think was stupid, so who am I to judge really

YANBU in the sense you are entitled to spend or not spend your money on whatever you want or don’t want. If you think it would be ridiculous to spend your money on cosmetic treatments, then of course that is your prerogative.

And I will spend mine on what I want. I get a bit of Botox or Dysport and a small amount of fillers to reduce and soften my 11’s (so I don’t look angry, when I am not) and my parantheses lines (which can leave me looking tired, when I am not). My dermatologist is very conservative and the look is very natural - I look like me but looking a little more refreshed as together the Botox and filler relax and soften the harsher more “aggressive” lines that crept up on me despite my lifelong liberal use of sunblock .

I don’t wear much if any makeup, and don’t want to, so those little cosmetic treatments help do what I don’t use makeup to do.

I don’t feel “insecure”. It’s hard to explain, but I feel it helps me match more externally how I feel internally, but I still look natural for my age - I can still move my face, have facial expressions, and all that good stuff. People are surprised if I tell them I have had anything done l. Because I still look like me, and am a very expressive person which has not changed.

I think it is worth every penny. I don’t do it to impress men on the general sense as I don’t give a fuck about them (and my husband, who I do give a fuck about, doesn’t care and loves and likes me grey hairs, mastectomy scars and all) but I feel good - confident, refreshed, and I think it gives me a mental boost to deal with the numerous people I deal with everyday in my work life and so on.

It’s certainly not permanent or even semi-permanent (which I would think would mean at least a few years!). Botox only lasts 3-4 months, fillers a few months to a little over a year depending on type, location, etc.

I have not figured out what “Botox lips” are except something that someone who definitely does not know difference between Botox and fillers would say?

onewasblue those are fillers not a paralysis agent surely. . Or do people do that in their lips now?

I don't dye the grey in my hair, I don't wear makeup, I rarely shave my body hair, I don't wear jewellery. I have had a facial chemical peel because I wanted one - horses for courses and bugger anyone who wants to tell me what's acceptable that I choose to do or not do in relation to my appearance.

Crumbscrumbs I think botox lips means the big lips which seems to be the fashion at the moment the women and who have them aren't trying to hide that they've had them done. It seems very socially accepted. I suppose because of kardishians and insta influencers. I do think it puts a lot of pressure on girls and women though and I don't think that is a good thing.

Wtf are botox lips?
Nobody can tell ive had facial fillers. But people say 'ooh you look nice' when ive just had them done.As a PP has said, people nearly fall out of their chair when they find out I have had procedures. Nobody knows I have botox either (I'm a model for students so it's very cheap). It makes me look better and feel more confident. As for pleasing men, I'm a lesbian. I like to look my best, it doesn't cost much, It's easy and it works. If its crossing a line for some, fair enough. To me the line is a bit higher up (id never have cosmetic surgery for example but if people want to have it i dont judge them).

I think all women should be allowed to spend their money as they please, including on how they look.
However I think all advertising should be banned which isn't 100% truthful and realistic, and people should not be shown with treatments, beyond basic hygiene, to sell anything other than the treatment they are advertising.
Yes a boob job job will make your boobs bigger, but that's all, so ditch anything in the advert that implies it will make you generally more beautiful, happier, or succesful.

Like those perfume ads which imply you will be transported to a Mediterranean villa and meet a tall dark man who will whisk you off your feet, or be able to drive a motorbike turning heads wherever you go. No. You'll smell better. Maybe. And that's all they should be able to say.
Won't happen of course.

As has been said above, the 'line' about what is and is not acceptable is arbitrary.

As a woman in her (very) late 40s, I dye my hair, have had dental work, wear make up nearly every day and have a skin-care regime to hopefully keep my skin looking 'youthful' (!) I've never had fillers, firstly because luckily my skin is still pretty good, and secondly, I've never seen a case where they look good. Maybe fillers are a bit like make up in that you only notice them when there's too much of them, but when I look at all those women with LA face I just think they'd have been better off to leave well enough alone.

But that's just my opinion. I don't think there's anything particularly anti-feminist about fillers, although it's true that men rarely get them. Still, as I said above I wear make up, which men almost never do, so who am I to judge?

YANBU and I also find that sort of thing ridiculous. I'm not a fan of the third-wave feminist argument that whatever a woman chooses to do is a good thing if she's chosen it and it makes her feel good.

Of course in a free society everyone should be allowed to alter their bodies in whatever way they want - but none of it happens in a vacuum. Our culture prizes youthful looks in women to an absurd degree. It's harmful, because everyone gets older, it's ordinary and natural and shouldn't be seen as something terrible.

People who rarely experience such pressure and desire to engage in cosmetic rituals are usually autistic.

This is interesting. I'm autistic and really don't notice this pressure much of the time. Take shaving as an example - I just don't do it. I'm aware that some people might look at me and think 'gross, she has body hair' but I see no reason why I should give a fuck what people like that think. The people who equate it to not washing or whatever are, frankly, just ignorant and plain wrong, so why pay any attention to them?

I had them to soften really deep marionette lines that made my face look saggy and miserable, it's made a huge difference and I'm glad I got them!

I'm into fashion, wear make up and I've coloured my hair in the past. ( I like it grey but used to have Sun-In habit.) Yeah there have been a few occasions when I've felt patronised on here. I still think the normalisation of medical procedures for non medical issues is something of a sea change.

But I believe in your body your face (for adults) and hope I would never ridicule anyone. In fact if you're trying to earn a living in certain industries it may well feel like the only option. What is ridiculous - and disturbing I think - is the pressure women are under, not only to look young but also not to look tired, cross or miserable.

People are free to spend their money on whatever they wish and we all have different insecurities about various imperfections in our bodies and faces.
These insecurities make it more likely for people, especially women, to chase various beauty treatments and spend a lot of time and money on them. The only ones that seem to benefit the most are cosmetic companies, but humans have always felt the desire to 'look beautiful' and resorted to all sorts of methods for millennia to enhance their appearance.

There seems to be a lot of pressure, internally and externally, to conform to these beauty ideals in some way. People who rarely experience such pressure and desire to engage in cosmetic rituals are usually autistic. It appears neurotypicals in general find it incredibly hard to resist social conditioning. Which makes me wonder just how much of the various issues highlighted / campaigned about by feminists are actually achievable in reality.

That said, I tend to love natural beauty and minimal to no cosmetic alterations. I can see the appeal in getting a nice hair style or funky hair colour, a bit of eyeliner and lipstick to look and feel your best. I feel more iffy about injecting things into faces and body parts and other complicated procedures. There's so much potential for things to go wrong and we don't know what long-term effects it has on our bodies. Botox makes people look so wooden and non-expressive. There's hideous infections from women injecting silicone into their butt. The fishy pout from fillers looks very unattractive to me, but maybe there's enough people who do find it attractive to keep it going. There were cases of HIV infection from those vampire treatments, whatever they are called. It just seems women are willing to risk more and more of their health and well-being with little to no self reflection or scepticism. I guess we all succumb to these idealised notions of beauty in different ways, and some more than others.

I also don't understand the mantra of 'don't blame women, blame society!'. Obviously women shouldn't be harassed or individually criticised or mocked for their personal choices. I wouldn't go up to a woman with extreme lip fillers and tell her she looked bad. But I can still critique the practice of it in general.
Society is literally made up of women and men. How exactly does 'society change its expectations'? The only way society changes is when more and more women become less preoccupied with beauty and that gradually causes a shift in society as a whole. Society doesn't exist independently of women - we are a part of it and our collective actions, behaviours and attitudes feeds back into a loop into the sort of society we see around us. Businesses capitalise and help propagate such group behaviour because it is profitable due to the constant demand.
Feminism, imo, helps to self reflect and understand women and men's roles in shaping the societies we live in. Society only changes when individual behaviours are applied on a collective scale.

YABU
it's really non of your business how people choose to alter their face or spend their money. Why would you even give this headspace?

Anything that helps reinforce a subset of sterotypes about women will tend to reinforce all the Sterotypes sadly. Women spend their time and money on beauty equates in many mens minds as women are shallow. And presssure to conform in that way, which does exist (and may Be class and age dependent) is sexist

But we all live one life, we need to be part of society. And pretty things are not fundamentally wrong. Women should not have to regress to man to be considred technically competent

So that to me explains the diversity of opinion

I do get privately judgemental when people are not aware that their choices are partly affected by the patriarchical society we live in

I think it’s unreasonable to judge people on how they spend their money, BUT I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think fillers are ridiculous.

My personal preference is to think lip injections look ridiculous and who knows that problems putting shit into your face may cause in 20 years. But that’s my choice, I just feel sad for these (in many cases) young pretty women looking like fish.

LassOfFyvie
See what happens when you stop dying your hair.

I'm a bit surprised to see responses like these here. Maybe the massive body of feminist works on the subject of women's bodies is a figment of my imagination? Or is wrong?

TeiTetua Well put. It's interesting that there's so much respectful debate and agreement around other feminist issues but we get so defensive and positional around this one.

For me, I know I alter my image to be socially acceptable (limited to shaving my legs and plucking my beard chin) and I'm ok with this. There've been many years when I've refused to do this for what I'd describe as feminist reasons, but I found it takes guts and strength to keep this up and I'm taking a break from it this year and am enjoying looking 'acceptable' again. Life's hard enough without setting myself that challenge at the moment.

I think it's true to say that most men just don't have to make decisions around wether or not to change their appearance with dyes, fillers or razors (ok, maybe some of them have to shave their face for work, but not half their body!). As women do, I'd say it's a feminist issue. But while I'd love to live in a society where women were free to go about without being so aware of their appearance I think it's good to be understanding and uncritical of those of us that buy into it for an easy life.