First period advice

It's hardly the end of the world if her father isn't informed the first time around.

It is if he forces her to swim!

Can I say, as a former school leader, that this whole 'unisex toilets in school and the girls can suck it up' business enrages me?

Motheroffeminists - if you think I can be of any help with advice, wording of letters to the head or others, etc. feel free to PM me.

Agree with everything Lang has said.

As a longer term swim option, you could look into absorbant swimwear? Modibodi do a plain black one piece: www.modibodi.com/product-category/swim/

Not cheap, but worth considering?

Having said that, like the last poster, ideally nobody should feel worried about the noise of rustling. Its something everyone deals with for 30+ years so fingers crossed she will have the confidence to think 'so what' once she is used to things

I must have raised her right because she doesn't want to lie as she knows our family rule is not to do so. She's working her way up to letting me tell him now

No need to rush her. It's hardly the end of the world if her father isn't informed the first time around.

I remember the really mixed emotions when i first started and am so sorry things are that much more difficult given the situation with her father and the toilets at school. Like others I am wondering about claiming some kind of sickness this time but longer term he is going to need to deal with this every month and for her sake I hope he steps up and shows some understanding.

I was definitely not ready for tampons in the first couple of years, but admittedly they have the advantage of being quieter to use at school (how awful she should have to consider that in making her choices). She could experiment a bit over the coming months to work out if they are an option for her. Failing that I wonder if there are hand dryers and a helpful friend could use one as a sound cover for her?

And please do not enforce this "omg someone might hear me unwrapping a pad" attitude. So what if they do? Even in the toilet set up you describe that someone is going to be another girl.

There is no point in lying about it to her father. Unless she is comfortable with using tampons or a moon cup, which she clearly isn't, she can't go swimming wearing a sanitary pad. That's going to happen every 4 weeks or so from now on.

I had a thread back in September or October about the loos but under a different name. I've had no luck with the school despite getting Rights of Women involved.

I think I remember and am sorry to hear it.

I think, despite advice of other PPs, if your ex is as described, it's sensible to give your DD the privacy from him knowing that she's asking for.

When I got my first period my DM made us all a special supper and my DF made a little speech to my DBs saying that I'd reached a special stepping stone in my path to womanhood. I'd thought it would be embarrassing but it was actually really nice - and it made sure my DBs were respectful about my periods.

I realize this has nothing to do with your question, OP, but I wonder if a special meal tonight might cheer the poor girl up a bit.

Oh I remember how awful this was at school... you never wanted anyone to hear you opening the pad wrapper. I don't think I used tampons when I was young, not until I was 15 ish... I don't think I could have used them when I started my period at 10.

God swimming is the last thing she will want to do! Can you not text the dad and just say it very plain, but that obviously your DD is self conscious so could he please not mention it. As PP said, this will be an issue every month.

God sake and court thinks that is acceptable behaviour for children to see forcing visits should not be allowed your poor dsughter having such a rotten father I would still tell him she isn't coming swimming and why

He's going to need to know as she's going to not be able to join in swimming once a month-ish for the foreseeable future. Unless you think he will use it to humiliate her or somethng.

Are the school toilets contained cubicles with no gaps, or have they slapped mixed sex on the old toilets with a door between the corridor and gaps under and over the doors?

Or, somewhere in the middle?

If it's the latter that's not legal and also common sense says it is not what the vast majority of students want. Boys as well as girls.

Have they done it to divert the boys from bullying each other in the bgs to bullying the girls? That seems to be a popular tactic AKA "boys behave better when girls are around".

If she’s not in pain then you really can’t let her skive school because of her period. I don’t think that’s a good habit to get into. School will surely will used to year 7s needing to use the loo for periods.

How does the school defend their unisex toilets when girls have periods to deal with? God, how awful for them.

Just tell him she has her period and won't be coming or swimming I know your Dd is sensitive but surely the truth is better than faffing about lying. The school toilets situation is awful is there no toilets the girls can go to ?

Give her the day off school. Tell them she has a poorly tummy, which can be period-related or not; you don't have to specify. Tell her dad she can't go swimming during contact as usual as she's been unwell and will catch up on school work in the spectator section or whatever at the pool.

As a separate issue, contact the school about unisex toilets and period anxiety and ask them how they intended to make the legally-required provision for your daughter.

She’s at a secondary school with unisex toilets??? That’s terrible.

What happens if you don’t let her go? She needs you to protect her, you just need to figure out the consequences.

Most men are mortified by period conversations. Can you tell him what the situation is and hope that he’s embarrassed enough to go along with it? Tell him if she goes with him he will have to explain her first period to the swimming instructor and take her to buy sanitary products to keep at his. Will he want to do all that? He might just say let’s leave it this week....

Surely you should tell her Dad the truth?