Responsibility for contraception falling on the woman

I really think it is up to each partner to protect themselves against pregnancy and STIs.

I don't think anyone should rely on someone else to do it for them.

I agree. The post by deydododatdodontdeydo surprises me and to be honest it seems a rather irresponsible passive, attitude.

I don't think it's irresponsible, because we weren't having unprotected sex.
It was just a case of, the man had to provide it, and if he didn't well, no sex (at least not PIV).
Some friends were probably on the pill too, but would still use condoms until a partner was steady.
AIDS terrified people back then, so I don't remember any boys wanting to go without condoms either.

I've recently had my Mirena removed and started using natural cycles method to track my fertility. DH and I have been together for 12 years and I've always had Mirenas so he's never had to consider contraception at all.
Now I tell him when I'm fertile and then he either has to use a condom or we do other stuff. He can't orgasm with a condom so he's not too happy about it. I think every month he gets closer and closer to being ready for a vasectomy.

The only type of birth control I use is condoms. Never used any hormonal pills or implants. I don't feel comfortable interfering with my body in that way, but I support women having access to such methods if they wish.
I have used condoms with every single partner, even in long term relationships. No condom, no sex. I've only had one guy moan about it, but I didn't bother seeing him again.

I have no qualms with telling men that they should take full responsibility for their sexual health and contraception if they do not want to have children. I support research into more forms of contraceptives for men other than just condoms or vasectomy.

Unfortunately, women will always bear the most risk from an accidental pregnancy. It's part of reality that we stand to lose the most and be left holding the baby. Therefore, it's still important for women to be in charge of their reproductive capability. I would not feel comfortable just relying on a guy to take a pill etc.

Condoms feel like the best compromise to me. They help in STI prevention in addition to pregnancy and neither person has to medically or surgically alter their body in any way.

feelingverylazytoday

Yes, relying on condoms alone when I had to (as for various reasons I could not be on pill or IUD etc at the time) was always very nerve wracking for me. It was stressful and greatly interfered with my ability to enjoy myself as I was so stressed about pregnancy. The one time I ever got pregnant was due to a condom failure (not known until well, I was pregnant) and while I had an abortion then and would have done again, I would rather not have to. With “normal” use they still have a lower effective rate than I was comfortable with (85%).

You don’t get a hysterectomy as a regular female sterilization procedure unless you actually have other issues with your uterus, like severe fibroids or something. Your uterus has an important role to play beyond carrying a pregnancy and they don’t remove it these days just for birth control.

I have had a bilateral salpingectomy (where they go in and remove tubes). I did have to go under GA, but the laprascopic surgery was less than an hour, I was home within two hours, and back to work two days later. No real recovery for me required at all or pain medication except an initial Tylenol. I was back on the elliptical two days later as well. Not saying everyone has it like that, and it was still under GA, but it really was not “major surgery” like a hysterectomy would be (I have had other major surgeries).

I am childfree. Why did I have surgery instead of my husband? Because I found it tremendously liberating to know no matter what I would never get pregnant; that I would not have to worry about hormonal BC, or the issues I had with my copper IUD, or his vasectomy failing (as they do time to time). It felt empowering for me to do it, to say this is my body, and it will not bear children ever.

I personally always felt birth control was an individual responsibility because there is also a concern about STIs - as in me and my partner need to take steps. Using two methods where appropriate (like condoms and an IUD), or only one where discussed and agreed. There were times when I had to be off the IUD/pill my me and long term partners had to use condoms only, but we talked about it first thoroughly and I would usually combine it still with a rhythm method.

I would always use condoms with partners until/if we were in a monogamous relationship, had done STI testing, and had talked about what I would do if there was an accidental pregnancy (and made sure on same page). Maybe it is growing up with the AIDS/HIV crisis such a part of my early childhood and teens, but I can’t imagine risking not using condoms until then. Men I dated always also supplied the condoms - though I kept some handy as well. Maybe it was just the odds I got but I honestly never dated or even had a fling with a man who outright refused to wear condoms.

I think unless you’re in a serious relationship STI/contraceptive protection should be more of an individual responsibility, rather than relying on just one of you to be safe. Surely where possible it’s better to double up anyway?

I agree. The post by deydododatdodontdeydo surprises me and to be honest it seems a rather irresponsible passive, attitude.

Have times changed?
When I was last dating, which was early to late 90s, responsibility was all on the male.
Any men I met all had condoms in their wallets, neither me nor any of my friends did.
Only girls I knew on the pill were with long term boyfriends.
Men knew if they wanted sex, they had to provide the birth control.

There are fewer options for men, but they’re easier options.

I think unless you’re in a serious relationship STI/contraceptive protection should be more of an individual responsibility, rather than relying on just one of you to be safe. Surely where possible it’s better to double up anyway?

For me, not a regular partner condoms for certain things, if they’re not into that they’re not getting anything beyong a snog and fumble. Regular partner no condoms (only if they’re also happy with that of course), but I don’t have the added worry of pregnancy, and I only have sex with someone once they are an established longterm partner.

*male

I saw a gel implant is testing well for men - like a removable/reversible vasectomy using gel that hardens in the vas deferens tube and can be removed.

Seems like the closest to a (reversible) reliable make contraceptive we've come.

I hope it becomes available. Though the "always blame women, she trapped me" contingent would still find some reason not to have it

(Plus it has no STD prevention).

Echobelly I've been sterlised, and it was easier than having teeth removed at the dentists. I had the clips put on, it was keyhole surgery and I left a few hours later, didn't even need a paracetamol.
The beauty of a female sterilisation is that you can't become pregnant, from that moment on, no matter who you have sex with (barring failure rates), and tbh, I found that extremely liberating.

I think the issue is that there are few options of birth control available to men. Apparently this is because of risk which all contraceptive methods carry. The risk to women is acceptable as the alternative is pregnancy which carries risk anyway, whereas there is no risk to men in terms of pregnancy so contraceptives are deemed too dangerous for men.

I was reading something about the future of contraception and this issue came up. Basically, male contraception has to be risk-free which is why it is so difficult to develop.

One statistic I find stunning from The Women's Atlas is that the no1 form of contraception globally is... female sterilisation.

Yes, despite the fact that male sterilisation is much easier, faster and less likely to result in complications, it's the women who have to go through hysterectomy or tubal ligation if they don't want to carry on having babies because men can't be arsed and want to be able to father babies, although they don't actually want to father babies, they just don't want to not be able to if it came to it.

Even though I think the man should take responsibility for his fertility, at the end of the day it is us who's bodies are affected and we are the ones left with a baby or having to have an abortion. I don't want anyone else having the responsibility of me not becoming pregnant. It's too big a thing to entrust to anyone else IMO.

Obviously this differs if the man is willing to have a vasectomy, but I'm mainly talking about a casual sex/casual relationship sort of scenario

I think every individual should be responsible for their own contraception and sexual health, though of course couples are free to come to an agreement to what suits them best.
I didn't want to become pregnant, so I went on the pill. I'd probably try the mirena coil today. I think I would be stressed to rely on condoms alone. I taught my sons to use condoms, unless they wanted to deal with the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy or an STD.

OP I agree. I give short shrift to male friends/stbexh whinging about how they are scared of the snip and don't want to do it, years happy for their wives to get coils (v. Painful ime), have years of pill side effects or give birth/get stitched. Fucking wimps. It really annoys me.

I found the reason they struggled with lack of sensation was a chronic case of death grip. Literal wankers.
This makes a lot of sense to me. I think death grip is quite a widespread problem

When I was in casual relationships as far as I was concerned the responsibility was mine. I was the one whose life was going to be ruined by a baby too early or have to make the decision to have an abortion.

I am absolutely sure I would have had an abortion but my personal view on abortion is it is the lesser evil of 2 bad situations. I am not comfortable at all with the outright dismissal by some feminists that a life is being terminated and the need for an abortion is something I sought to avoid having to deal with. The lightning speed in which I got pregnant makes me think contraception must have been 100% successful as my not getting pregnant had nothing to do with ability to conceive.

Latterly in a committed relationship we used condoms, also with no failures.

@Motheroffeminists yep that’s a big part of it!!

I remember my ex whining to me that he couldn’t use a condom, because one time he was about to have sex with an ex so he went to get a condom, and when he returned from his coat or whatever, she’d changed her mind. Man who was traumatised by a woman saying no to him refuses to use contraception.

Ugh thats awful. Pathetic creature he is..

This woman’s twitter posts really made me think about this topic:

www.boredpanda.com/woman-anti-abortion-explains-unwanted-pregnancies-mens-fault-gabrielle-blair/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

It definitely is weird especially if a man doesn't want a baby. It is his choice to wear a condom or not but then absolutely the choice of the woman to refuse to have sex if he doesn't.

I also think though that if the woman definitely doesn't want to get pregnant then she also needs to use contraception, or if the man refuses to use condoms, she doesn't have sex with him.

I don't understand the " I'm pregnant because he refused to wear a condom" posts. Well know, surely it's because you agreed to have unprotected sex?