Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

Women not getting something as basic as pain relief and you're whining on about feeling 'included',.

You can't see how pathetic that is?

Being ignored is the experience. Btw.

FFS! I couldn't even get a paracetamol in there.

Yeah on phone.posting on dadsnet . Real supportive.

Everything you mention is about 40 times more than we get and we were the actual patient.

A decent man does not want to divert resources from someone who needs them more.

Like I say, people seemed more worried about DH than me when I was about to have my emergency section... He looked a bit pale. So, some health care professionals are giving the right attention to the men, I'm sure you're pleased.

Cor, it's getting quite a challenge to make sure I answer each point raised! So here goes :

Maybe not equally treated, that's a little hard as the mother is in labour and the father isn't. Maybe equally seen would be a better term? He is the father and he is there to support. Therefore not invisible and shouldn't be treated as such. There would be plenty of hate for guys that didn't go to scans, classes, birth etc so at least this guys gripe is not being involved enough. Better to have someone wanting to be involved than not at all. To not let a father feel invisible all you have to do is speak to him sometimes, look at him while you are talking to both parents etc We are not saying serve us or wait on hand and foot, just acknowledge we are there, we are supporting and we can't do that if we are pushed out. You may not realise it but when you see your missus on the bed, in pain and surrounded by busy midwifes / nurses etc you don't feel you can go and push yourself in. As you say, it's life saving stuff. So why would we want to go and disrupt that happening, instead help us know when we are help rather than hindrance. Not asking alot and it doesn't take any extra time so....

Can I just add, my comments are becoming more my own view rather than the original posters. I can't say what he meant or what he was doing, I'm just talking from a father's point of view now. Some will agree, some won't. But that's our choices and we all have our own ideas of parenting and what it is. No need for such hate when discussing it :)

No cups of tea for me for sure...

Lol I got no pain relief either no gas and air nothing even though had been induced, in complete agony with every contraction, passing meconium ie baby distressed.

First pain relief I got was when had spinal block for emergency section in operating theatre.

Cup of tea my arse.

Just remembered. DH v bad at hosp and v pale in corner. I was in a right state. Everyone kept asking him if he was OK :/

As a midwife I do think it's important we acknowledge the role birth partners play in supporting women in labour. Labour can often be happening through the night, canteen is shut or it's a long way to the canteen/vending machines and they don't want to leave their wife.

I've always offered the partner a cuppa when making one for the woman. And afterwards I used to sneak in 4 slices of toast. We used to have a scary ward manager who would see me with 4 slices and shout at me that she hoped I wasn't feeding the dad. I always blatantly lied and said the mum was really hungry and wanted 4 slices! 😁

They do now actually get breakfast on the ward the same as the women since partners can now stop overnight on the antenatal/postnatal ward.

Anaemic cold toast.

Stupid autocorrect

Exactly guy

I wasnt offered so much a paracetamol. Somekme.made me tea in the delivery room or wherever I was but I had to get to and get it. I was really lucky got some anaesthetic ic cold toast too and soneone turned the taps on. Had to re run the bath though unless I wanted hypothermia.

If i could have gone downstairs to Costa like the dads could....

Perhaps I could have borrowed some.paracetamol off the barista too

Experience labour. Like having your vag or stomach unceremoniously ripped open is a ride at Mother Fucking Disneyland

What the fuck are the midwives meant to do to make the guy feel more special? Kick him in the testicles so he gets the full experience?

We know for a fact that care for women is going out the window as they are spread so thinly. His job begins when his wife needs him in labour. He doesn't need to be waited on himself. How offensive to men. My husband would be mortified if anyone thought he was so pathetic he needed pandering to like that.

Thise comments by pp91 should be deleted for breaking talk guidlines on sexism towards men.

@Pp91 you seem to have the same unrealistic expectations as the poster in the OP. In a system where a women who have just had major abdominal surgery is expected to walk to the kitchen to get their breakfast you think the men should be having brews made for them by medical staff? Because that would make you feel equal to the person actually giving birth? There are some great responses on that thread and I hope you have jumped to calling them man haters too.

The opening line is "currently having a newborn in hospital "

Oh no HE isn't.

Totally disagree with @Pp91, the birth partner is there in a supporting role for the woman in labour. They are not there to have an "experience", they are not an equal part of the labour. They don't have a right to be there.

I wasn't offered so much as a biscuit when dh got his vasectomy. I was truly scarred by the experience.

The opening line is "currently having a newborn in hospital "
Time to post and divert attention to his phone. Time to get a drink.

Simple

Again, disagree. You can't know anything about this man?! For example, maybe he would have got himself a drink and his partner didn't want him leaving the room? Maybe he didn't want to leave as a "Birthing support partner" If she had wrote a blog blasting him for leaving her "just" to get a drink, you would all be tearing chunks off him anyway. So he can't win really? All of you are quick to mock men for doing their father duties but then want to throw your own duties around and expect a medal. Can't have it both way ladies. Whether this bloke meant the teabag line seriously or was using it as a way to connect with the readers is detable. Look past that one line and see the real point of this article and the men that relate to it. It's about wanting to be as much a part of your child's life as possible, not wanting to be served on.

But Pp91, childbirth is one of the times where it actually isn't about both parents. The patient is the mother, and that is who the medical staff are caring for because she is pushing the child out of her body in considerable discomfort or having major abdominal surgery.

It is not about equality of parents. It is about treating what is still a potentially life threatening medical situation with the appropriate care.

The fact that you think it should be "equal" is pretty worrying.

I don't remember being offered a cup of tea at any point having either of my kids...

I think water was available anything else someone had to go to shop /cafe. There were soft drinks machines..
I think his expectations were way too high

Did his partner get offered a cuppa? I'm guessing not :/

This is a result of men generally being 'looked after', having people run around after them, and when it doesn't happen be takes offence.

Absolutely Pp91, sometimes thus forum is a man hating echo chamber and it deteriorates into childish playground behaviour imo.

I think you lot are missing the point tbh. Ignore the cup of tea analogy, that was a bad way to say it. The point of this and people's responses are wanting to be a part of the birth of their child. It's not nice to be ignored like that, you would feel the same if it was position's reversed. It's not about being waited on, not about being the centre of attention, it's about wanting to be an equal part. That's not that much to ask as one of the 2 parents surely... The response to this is pretty disgusting as well. Talk about men acting like they regarding this and look at your behaviour... Only one side of this is showing themselves to be all about them and throwing their toys out the pram. Lastly, Dadsnet is ran by dad's and the members are dad's... To call into question their credentials and amazing hard work for a long time due to them sharing SOMEONE ELSE'S POST is outrageous! You cannot comprehend the amount of support and help people have receives through that group, no idea at all. Instead of making sweeping accusations about something you clearly know nothing about in terms of the group, why not try disagreeing the point sensibly and like adults, without the playground behaviour and group attacks.

Have you read the other posts on the forum? It doesn't take long; it's pretty moribund.

TheDadsNet seems a bit of a second class affair relative to Mumsnet (which is, of course, 'by parents, for parents' so maybe we've got most of the good 'uns over here)

Actually, I’d say most Dads are offered Tea, especially if the Labour is a long one.

The fact that this one wasn’t, possibly hints at what the NHS staff thought of him.