What the actually fucking fuck?

Forget NAMALT. There is a dangerous subset of men. What do we do about dangerous subsets of individuals? How do we root them out? Can we pre-emptively arrest, interrogate, detain them?

And many of you will have husbands, partners, sons and fathers. How do they react when you pose them these difficult questions? Are they too complicit by silence or evasion or deflection? What actions can they take?

Oh that poor woman, RIP Sana

We do have a problem with Male violence and anyone that sees that written and immediately feels the need to NAMALT is part of the problem.

Another woman's death at the hand of a man. Another cry of NAMALT. Where does it end? When do we rise up and say enough? How many cases have gone unreported today? We scream and shout when there is a terrorist attack or a stabbing, they get headlines. But the murder of a woman at the hands of her husband, or someone who raped her in a "sex game gone wrong", let's make excuses for them, give them a reason for their crime. I'm fucking sick of this shit.

Now the headline on BBC England

"Ex-wife crossbow killing 'was accident'".

Of course some men are violent, but not the entire male race. That would be grossly generalising and unfair

Tigers aren't evil, OK this story is about a Tiger who did kill but we should still refer to Tigers as stripey Bagpuss hugmuffins within the comments on this article to avoid generalisation of Tigers who aren't involved in this article at all.

Why does someone always feel they need to paint women as stupid for not realising that non violent men aren't violent men as if only their woke selves can spot that?
It's embarrassing

I believe there's an evolutionary biological hard wiring that men are far, far more likely to possess. Apparently rates for murders by men drop off sharply after 40 with the falling levels of testosterone.

I also have seen lovely, gentle men flip very quickly into "defend" mode with, as a pp said, the right provocation. It's quite startling to see how quickly they can go on "alert".

That article is an excellent example of where reasons / excuses given by (almost always) men in defence are given probably more airtime than they should get, and esp when the victim (usually a woman) is dead and cannot put her side.

I'm not saying defence shouldn't be reported and this isn't the worst example by far, but still. There seems to be a human desire to rationalise this sort of thing and make it caused by something the victim did. Rather than with other crimes where I think the defence excuses are given less airtime or are reported with more scepticism.

I think parenting can provide at least some measure of protection. My parents raised two loving, gentle husbands and fathers. I've done my best - mine are early 20s. Time will tell.

But there's definitely hope. DS2's girlfriend ended it last week, after 7 years. He texted his friends with the news, asking for support. His mates all started arranging stuff - he's out all the time, though not in the pub. He's steering clear of alcohol. It was supper and Game of Thrones tonight.

I was impressed. I can't imagine a young man doing that when I was young. If men start to be open about their feelings, expose their vulnerability, this has got to help.

It was a crossbow rather than a gun. Probably even more terrifying tbf.

Bringing a loaded gun is NO ACCIDENT.

"The law isn't designed for women and children. It was designed to protect men's rights to their private lives, which meant control over 'their' resources including women and children, and continues to do so"

Yes, exactly. We have a criminal justice system that has evolved over a thousand years. But for more than nine hundred of those years, it viewed women - and children - as the property of men.

It is completely inadequate in prosecuting intimate/family crime for this reason. And we shouldn't have to wait another nine hundred years for it to catch up. Progress isn't just slow - we're even going backwards in some regards.

Isn’t it simply that while not all men are violent, violent individuals are usually men. And why is this? Why are they not stopped before they kill when there are often
Warning signs.

Male violence is seen as natural and inevitable - like the weather. We're not supposed to name it if we're criticising it though.

I agree about men as a group and silence. I have sons, a father and partner. Yet I still don’t understand why men as a group don’t stop this violence. Why is it left to women to shout about it?

This is an issue taking up a lot of my thinking time at present, ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving.

I have always had men in my life in whose company I felt entirely safe. They're more likely to fly in the air than thump me. But I've been in an abusive relationship and still bear the scars.

There's a NYT article that examines violence in boys lives. www.nytimes.com/2019/03/30/opinion/sunday/boys-men-violence.html.

I was discussing it with DS1 earlier. I said I was interested in the difference between the gentle souls and the thugs. I was surprised to hear that he doesn't think there's all that much difference. Given adequate provocation - someone attacking me or his girlfriend - DS1 would get violent very rapidly.

He thinks it's down to testosterone, though we both know it's more complex than that

Men are doing this to women, overwhelmingly, so it's not "why are people killing people?" or "why did this specific husband kill his wife" its "why, globally, and for all of human history, are men killing women, children, and other men?"

Exactly OP. I loathe the NAM brigade. Yes. Obviously, NAMALT. But AAPLTAM. This is a problem within the class of men.

These are two people who were in an arranged marriage, who should never ever have been together. It's a problem of culture and consent; the idea that it's acceptable to force two people to get married against their will. This type of violence is normalised in ultra-conservative cultures in which these types of marriages are the norm.

Funny how the women in this scenario manage not to arm themselves with crossbows and knives and go and kill their exes, isn't it? It's almost as if there is only one sex that acts like this.

Someone who is doing NAMALT address war please.

Luke and Ryan's father was not in an arranged marriage with their mother.

Clodagh Hawe was not in an arranged marriage with Alan Hawe.

Unmathallegadoo had split from his ex-wife in 2012 and wasn't even in a marriage any more.

TopBitch
I,like you, hate NAMALT comments but people invite when they link a case like this to men in general.

The OPs comment "What the f..." comment openly invites NAMALT then peoplt complain about them.

*which is not the same as saying that every man is violent."

But it is a truth that men do nothing to stop or deter this violence so the question is: does their silence render them complicit?

Oh. And again. Great.

Is violence not male if it is normalised in certain cultures?