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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Do i put the fathers name on my babys birth certificate?

133 replies

emmajayne89 · 13/04/2019 17:16

My partner and I split up towards the end of my first trimester after i discovered he had been having an inappropriate/flirtatious relationship with a female 'friend' of his and he had lied about it throughout our entire relationship. After coming to terms with this he agreed with therapy but he was continuuing to lie to me about things (silly things like his age and what hes doing- pathological lying), so i had to call an end to the relationship.

he wants to be involved in our babys life as much as he can be, so i've said he needs to demonstrate hes taking therapy seriously and hes improving and being truthful to himself and his family and friends and i will incorporate him into the babys life as well as trial coparenting.

The issue is whether i add him to the birth certificate or not. I know I wont restrict his time with our child unless i believe its well justified (and backed up by several impartial views before any changes are made). He is immature in a lot of ways and to an exaggerated level than is acceptable for his age and is currently being combatted in therapy.

What is the right thing to do? Add him because after all he is the father, or dont add him to protect myself from possible drama in the future? I had already advised him that if he can provide proof of payment for therapy then child support doesnt need to be considered unless he gets a promotion/able to afford both.

OP posts:
freshstart28 · 13/04/2019 17:38

Mothers can't just put the father on though can they? If unmarried the dad has to be there himself to do it.

zanahoria · 13/04/2019 17:33

Get legal advice , make sure you know exactly what the repercusions are.

jeaux90 · 13/04/2019 17:29

Nice post Ribbons. Totally agree with you.

Ribbonsonabox · 13/04/2019 17:24

I think fathers should add themselves personally if they are not married to the mother or living with her etc... why should you facilitate that? If he wants to be on it then let him sort that.
I think this way it gets rid of the dead weight time wasters who would only use parental responsibility to abuse and manipulate you. Dads who are actually serious about being fathers for the sake of their children are capable of getting on the birth certificate via the court.
It shows that they can get their shit together and actually give a fuck over a prolonged period of time.
Dont make life easy for someone out of a sense of duty. I dont get why anyone would think mothers should go out of their way to make life easy and give control to men who have not proved themselves to be trustworthy or have decent intentions. Imo that is utterly stupid.

jeaux90 · 13/04/2019 17:22

One example is about travel. In theory you need their permission to take them out the country or move etc if they have parental responsibility.

I'm not sure what you gain though so maybe another poster will counter my view.

LizzieSiddal · 13/04/2019 17:21

I wouldn’t because it gives him certain rights. As he’s proved himself to be a liar and cheat, I wouldn’t want him having extra rights.

freshstart28 · 13/04/2019 17:18

Of course you should. Your child should have its father on its birth certificate Hmm

jeaux90 · 13/04/2019 17:18

Don't add him. As a single parent I can tell you it's a blight having them on there if they disappear.

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