Do i put the fathers name on my babys birth certificate?

If he's a responsible caring parent, he will care enough to seek parental responsibility himself.

If he's a controlling vindictive arsehole, he will care enough to seek parental responsibility himself.

Either way, you have no obligation to make it automatic for him.

“The father can still absolutely get PR.”

He can. But it is not just a box ticking exercise, and it can be refused. And many fathers would not go to the trouble of going through the process.

Well I didn’t mean to portray a photocopy as the real BC.. Given the real one is in pretty colours and ink signed, it should be obvious which is which innit?

I haven’t done it but I can see why some might find it a comfort.

But I would not list the father on the BC, purely to avoid the hypothetical sadness caused by the child seeing the blank space.
Do not potentially sentence yourselves to 18 years of admin headache over a hypothetical!

Of course you need to be honest but age-appropriate about it all.. it’s probably easier for my child in a way as he grew up

*That is not my reasoning

The only reason to add the name (other than possibly child support) seems to be... well what if, hypothetically, your child one day looks at the piece of paper, sees a blank space, and hypothetically feels sad.

That is my my reasoning at all. Not adding the father to the birth certificate doesn't prevent any of the scenarios you've outlined. The father can still absolutely get PR. By refusing to add his name to the birth certificate all you achieve is making is mildly harder for him at the cost of immediately undermining he prospects of an amicable and cooperative co-parenting relationship.

I think the large number of posts making out that if OP refuses to add him to the birth certificate she can magically avoid having to consider the father's wishes as regard schooling, health care, housing etc are somewhat misleading.

Thank you Bertrand, exactly. Please don’t stop saying it.

PCohle my child has an absent father. Despite my own misgivings, I nearly put his name on the BC due to well-intended advice from people with your views.

However, those people were not in the passport office when I had to travel urgently and needed my son’s passport the same day.

Nor were they in the hospital when my son was desperately ill and the hospital wanted consents signed for open surgery.

I was on my own and both situations were hard. But they would have been far worse, even impossible, if my son’s father was on the BC.

These scenarios are among the reasons I urge caution in this scenario.

The only reason to add the name (other than possibly child support) seems to be... well what if, hypothetically, your child one day looks at the piece of paper, sees a blank space, and hypothetically feels sad.

Haven’t rtwt... but... baby needs to have your surname. Double barrel if you like, but it really should have your surname somewhere. So many people berated me for double barrelling (even though they sound great together!) at the time, lots of people told me the traditional and ‘done’ thing to do would be to give DD his surname... well after being together 5 yrs before we split when she wasn’t even 1, after being dramatic about needing to be on BC, after never paying a penny for 13 years or ever seeing her since the day he threw us out, the evil Xmil told me if I wanted to send DD to an all girls high school (where DD wanted to go) then I would have to fight them in court!
Well DD couldn’t pick her father out of a line up! But being on BC allowed him to have an opinion on what school she went to? Errr no I don’t think so!
Not only this but the BC and PR has been and continues to be used as a threat against me as it’s the only bit of power xmil has- not even her father, but her so called nan. It’s all bull.
He didn’t know which primary she went to, doesn’t even know which pizza toppings she likes let alone anything else!

So on reflection, I would say don’t put dad’s name on it- it can be added later when he proves himself. It can’t be taken off if he turns out to be a twat. Of course I hope he’s not, but you need to put you and baby first.

Thinking about it, I'm not sure I've ever seen my birth certificate and I'm in my mid 30s. I've always used my passport as ID. I guess my parents must've needed the birth certificate for that but I was a child and didn't do the application myself, then when renewing as an adult I haven't needed it. I expect they still have it, and if they didn't then I know precisely where and how to get a copy. But I just don't remember ever being asked for it.

It's interesting it only cost £215 to add paternal rights.

My son's father pays child maintenance but I never put him on the birth certificate. He vanished despite wanting to go on the birth certificate. That is the controlling behaviour, not leaving it blank as they are not committed to the responsibility involved.

My son goes to a top private school on the application form for most private schools almost the first question is the fathers details. Totally embarrassing if you can't contact them and they're not wanting involved. If a man is committed they will pay £215 and they will be there for the child. My ex hasn't found the money for this, but has found the money to change his will when his son was a week old. Do not put yourself through this crap.

“Yes I agree. I'm just not sure that unofficially adding the fathers name to a photocopy has any place in a "sensible conversation".”

God, no!

Yes I agree. I'm just not sure that unofficially adding the fathers name to a photocopy has any place in a "sensible conversation".

To be honest, they’ve never asked for them and I never thought to give them to them. One still lives at home but the other doesn’t. I’ll hand it over next time I see her!

But my point is that children are unlikely to know that their father’s name isn’t on their birth certificate until they are old enough to have a sensible conversation about why not.

Mine certainly have. Don't your adult children have possession of their own identity documents?

But I repeat, and will continue to repeat until everyone dies of boredom- if you put his name on the birth certificate it gives him automatic parental responsibility Which means he has an automatic say in any decision you make about your child. Including whether you can take child abroad an holiday, where they go to school and in any medical decisions. It is not simply a record of fact, as some posters have claimed.

How many children ever see their birth certificate? Mine are both adults, and I don’t think they have ever seen theirs.........

You can even photocopy the BC and write the father’s name on the copy (it won’t have any legal effect, just symbolic).

Why would you do that - to give to the child? I think at the very least if you choose to leave the father off the birth certificate you should be honest with your child about that. Trying to give them a misleading impression with a "symbolic" photocopy seems a very odd thing to do.

*if he

OP, I’m a bit alarmed by some of the advice upthread.. saying you should put the name on the BC (I hadn’t RTFT earlier).

It’s understandable that people have strong emotions, but you need to make the decision with your head.

Please be cautious and get advice from impartial people if you need to. My ex wasn’t abusive either, just a bit hopeless. He promised to “be there” for our son.. and disappeared before he was born.

There is no “Father Unknown,” on the BC, just a blank space. You can even photocopy the BC and write the father’s name on the copy (it won’t have any legal effect, just symbolic).

Perhaps also go to Lone Parents and ask them. Many mums have faced this and you’ll get a variety of responses. Also, I’d he turns out to be stable and present, you can add him down the track.

Bluntness100 It is only a piece of paper that the child doesn't see until they are old enough to understand. My dd as a teenager would have liked her father's name on her birth cert but understood my reasons for omitting him.

OP, as you can see above I didn't put my ex's name on the birth cert of my dd as I didn't totally trust him to keep her safe. I never denied them a relationship, but would have if I'd felt he was harming her.

My dd had to do the same in turn with the father of my dgd. In this case she eventually did have to stop him having contact with dgd mainly because of his violence, though there were other harmful conducts.

So I am totally in favour of leaving dubious fathers off the birth cert. It has nothing to do with the relationship between father and child and if he proves himself, you can put him on at a later date.

OP, I was in your situation and ended up taking advice from a lawyer and child psychologist before deciding.

It is not so much the name being on there that matters, but the legal consequences that follow.

If the father is on there, you will have to write his name on forms for the next 18 years. You want to take your child abroad? You’ll need his consent.

The father has minimal contact but wants his teenage child at his wedding? Your child may be court ordered to go - even if it means missing his school rugby final which makes him distraught.

On the other hand - it may be harder to access child support from a father who is not on the BC.

My child has one parent on his BC (me) and for us, it was 100% the right decision. Zero regrets and my child is happy and surrounded by love.

Precisely. The law changed in December 2003, so the people old enough to have feelings about their dads not being listed are almost all going to have been born before then. So we've not heard much from them yet.

Well, it's about parental responsibility, as people have explained, and the father is free to claim it if he's fit to. The child's best interests aren't necessarily best served by the mother voluntarily making him an equal party to decisions around his/her care.

And why would anyone care

I've never met a child who doesn't " care".

As said, this isn't about the adults. This is about the child

Gone are the days of "Father Unknown" being written on it, with the accompanying stigma

I'm not sure birth certificates ever said that. The entry would be left blank.

“I think you quoted a deleted post?”

Oh, did I? I’ve had wine, nachos and Frankie Boyle in between, so I can’t remember!