Hello everyone. I’ve only recently discovered Mumsnet - and that it’s not just for people with small children!
I stumbled across this section of the forum simply by browsing the talk index. What an eye opener that has been.
My life philosophy is ‘do what makes you happy as long as no-one else gets hurt’.
In a very short space of time I have gone from wondering what all the fuss is about to being deeply concerned after reading some of the threads on here. Thank you for your excellent and informative posts!
Yesterday I went out with friends for a light lunch, a day of activities and then for a proper evening meal.
The café we went to for our lunch was in a busy city shopping area and they were obviously experiencing problems with people popping in to use the loo and not staying to eat.
It was an independent place, staff were pleasant and there was a nice atmosphere.
I went to use the toilet and there were 3 doors:
The first door read ‘urinal and gender neutral cubicles’
The second one said ‘baby changing facilities’
The third door said ‘gender neutral cubicles’
All of the doors had an additional sign saying please ask staff for key – customer use only. I saw a number of customers pushing at the locked doors - the sign wasn’t obvious.
A woman was in the process of locking the door reading ‘gender neutral cubicles’ and presuming I would want to use the toilets that didn’t also contain a urinal, she offered to give me the key if I promised to hand it in afterwards. The key had a huge fob that wouldn’t fit in my pocket.
I unlocked the door and inside was a little area with two sinks and a hand dryer and two cubicles. The cubicles were not floor to ceiling – just the standard doors with gaps above and below.
I didn’t think to lock the ‘outer’ door, I just entered one of the cubicles. I’d previously used a gender neutral toilet and there was urine all over the floor so I was happy to find this loo clean.
I heard someone else enter the other cubicle. Now I had a dilemma because I couldn’t lock the outer door while someone was in there and waiting for them was going to look a little weird so I stalled inside my cubicle until I heard them exit theirs.
As I came out I saw a man’s back going out of the main door. I recognised him as a customer sitting with another man and two women at a table near to ours.
I returned to my table and explained to my friends that I had the ‘key’ if they needed the loo. When they had finished, I locked the outer door marked ‘gender neutral cubicles’ and returned the key to the counter.
A member of staff took it from me and placed it on top of another key. I couldn’t see any difference between the two fobs so it’s possible there were 3 keys that could open (and lock) all 3 doors.
In the evening we went to a chain restaurant and toilets were labelled ‘women’ and ‘men’. A woman was using a toilet with the door wide open and watching her two toddlers, both naked from the waist down, who were giggling and ignoring her pleas to stop running up and down the sink area!
I personally think the café facilities are unsafe for everyone using them because of the key situation and the cubicles with gaps. It also felt to me that men now had extra cubicles to use as I wouldn’t have chosen to enter the ‘urinals and gender neutral cubicles’ area.
The experience in the restaurant reminded me how complacent some people still are and how we all have a different concept of ‘safe space’.