Why is not wearing a bra so unacceptable?

LassOfFyvie

For me, a conversation is about expressing your thoughts and listening to the other persons thoughts with respect, sensitivity and an open mind. I don't persist in trying to make the other person agree with me and I get a bit fed up when I experience them repeating themselves in an effort to get me to agree with them.

Please don't miss quote me. I did not say that you have personally experienced flashing. And I'm tired of having to explain over and again that I'm not comparing the body parts being flashed but am questioning the responsibility that goes with how we present ourselves.

You clearly don't want to have that conversation with me. I have apologised for any insensitivity shown to you. You are obviously unaware of your own.

Because I’m a 32H and without a bra, except occasionally round the house, my boobs flop around and quickly start to really hurt. And any movement beyond a very slow walk is uncomfortable or painful.
^ This.

I believe that the women who advocate that we free the boobs all have beautiful perky boobs that they are happy to show off! :) But big, saggy boobs, like I have? They are simply better controlled in a bra. Sometimes, at home, I go without a bra but doing so tends to give me bad posture as they are heavy.

I know women who have very small boobs who only wear a vest. If I had small boobs I'd do the same.

I also have very hard, prominent nipples which show through if I'm wearing thin clothing, show through even if I'm wearing a bra and jumper. I have to wear thick bras to prevent it.

I don't wear a bra but I'm a tiny 32 a/b depending on where I shop. If folk can't take the outline of a nipple when I am cold that's their issue because it doesn't bother me at all

38D here, so wide and flat. I admit to not wearing a bra in winter, covered up by thick coats and jumpers. In summer, I cannot go to work without one because out uniform shows up...everything. But I go bra less at home a lot. I never under wired bras, they are too uncomfortable.

For balance DH goes commando in the summer when wearing shorts. He says his nuts will poach, otherwise.

It's not actually, but it is to you. I'm sorry to have missed that this is something you have strong feelings about. I really wasn't trying to defend men flashing their dicks about in inappropriate environments. I was genuinely coming at it from an different angle. No intention to push an issue that felt threatening. Apologies LassOfFyvie

You are missing the point if you think I am only approaching this because I have personally experienced flashing. I haven't. I am completely bemused that you think a flash of female nipple is the same as a flash of penis

Poster AverageMan who is a man got the point.

My boobs are around a D and I haven’t worn a bra in years. Much more comfy. I don’t care what people think. I’m mid 30’s

I don't like running up and down stairs without a bra on, and really can't contemplate many forms of exercise without a proper sports bra. Far from burning them, for some women a good bra is an instrument of liberation!

I'm starting to think women are duped into thinking they need rather than want to wear a bra.

Not necessarily, for some people it would be painful to not wear a bra. I wouldn't want to walk around and do stuff with no bra on. I take it off as soon as I get home but then I don't do much other than sit on the sofa or a bit of cleaning or cooking when I'm indoors.

I'm of the mindset, what's the point in having small boobs AND having to wear a bra. Most of the time I don't, I'm a 34B and 23 so very much of the "free the nipple" generation, but I do feel uncomfortable sometimes knowing people could tell and I wish I didn't

To suggest that anyone who might be upset by your friend's visibly swinging penis is just "distracted" is utter nonsense

It's not actually, but it is to you. I'm sorry to have missed that this is something you have strong feelings about. I really wasn't trying to defend men flashing their dicks about in inappropriate environments. I was genuinely coming at it from an different angle. No intention to push an issue that felt threatening. Apologies LassOfFyvie

AverageMan

I wouldn't dream of going commando in loose fitting trousers or shorts. That really is unacceptable. Fine with women going braless; the intention is not to intimidate

Thank you. That is exactly the point.

Displaying a penis is not the same as displaying a female nipple. Do you really not get that? You think it is up to the person who does not want to see a penis not to be distracted?

Or even more ridiculous that it is up to the person who does not want to see a penis to control "their sexually preditative urges"?

I wouldn't dream of going commando in loose fitting trousers or shorts. That really is unacceptable. Fine with women going braless; the intention is not to intimidate.

They aren't however threatening in the way that a penis visible through no underwear and thin trousers is

My friend would've been mortified if he thought anyone felt threatened by the presence of his penis in his trousers. He would've definitely have put a pair of pants on if it was even suggested. But context is everything. He was just getting on with work in his workshop and nipping out to the shops or pub. He was not in a womens changing room, toilet, prison or refuge. Again, my point is not to compare body parts but to draw attention to the responsibility placed on individuals of both sexes to dress in a way that that protects the viewer from being distracted, wether that's from their work or from being able to control their sexually preditative urges.

Having grown up by the seaside I'm baffled by anyone asserting that bare chested men aren't accepted by society. Maybe not in an indoors public place, but it's totally ok in many public open spaces.

Yes, of course it's down to sexualisation. But that line of thought and responsibility leads to the abaya and the burka.

So yes that is definitely different to society accepting it. Although one could say that not challenging isn't so different to accepting ties myself in knots overthinking words

I know what you are saying. I hate how it's sometimes hard to get what we mean across when writing, so much easier in conversation.

I'm saying that I think it's up to the viewer to be responsible for how distracted they are and how their distraction affects their responses

There is no comparison with a female nipple showing through and a penis being displayed. To suggest that anyone who might be upset by your friend's visibly swinging penis is just "distracted" is utter nonsense. A penis is a sex organ- breasts might be sexualised in some societies but they are not sex organs.

I think what I meant to say is that topless men around here would unlikely be challenged and a woman absolutely would.

So yes that is definitely different to society accepting it. Although one could say that not challenging isn't so different to accepting ties myself in knots overthinking words

So the question really is, why do people get so upset over women's chests but not men's?

In a work context it's largely embarrassment isn't It? There might be some men leering but there will be others thinking "oh, dear , don't look, don't let her catch me staring" because breasts are sexualised.

They aren't however threatening in the way that a penis visible through no underwear and thin trousers is.

There is no comparison with a female nipple showing through- none at all. I'm astonished you would even compare the 2.

I'm not comparing the 2. I'm drawing a comparison to the responsibility to 'not distract' people with anything that we choose to wear or not wear. I'm saying that I think it's up to the viewer to be responsible for how distracted they are and how their distraction affects their responses. I'm saying that to make us responsible for protecting others by not distracting them with what ever we choose to wear or not wear is wrong. When a women is blamed for being sexual assaulted because of the clothes she wears, I think we all agree this is wrong.

Yep, I agree OP

It'd be funny if men ( who wanted to be taken seriously professionally and intellectually ) had to wear a dick bra.

Under wired of course.

But men don't find wearing a vest to be uncomfortable

Do they?

I didn't say they did. A man's vest being visible through a shirt is more of a shaming, wimpy, nerdy thing.

The trope is a woman getting home and kicking off her painful shoes and the bra comes a close second

I don't wear either shoes or bras which are painful. It's not difficult.

There is no comparison with a female nipple showing through- none at all. I'm astonished you would even compare the 2.

Yep. Agree with Lass. Compare like with like. So the question really is, why do people get so upset over women's chests but not men's?

Sexism, right?

For women who are completely flat chested they’re still expected to cover their nipples but men aren’t

I personally prefer one rule for all in this regard and would not like to be blamed for the attention I got wearing my vest top with no bra

Seriously- you think a glimpse of female nipple is the same as a penis being visibly displayed?