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Original poster

Disgusted with myself that I am having this thought

33 replies

sandpitsausage · 30/03/2019 00:39

I was raised by an OG 60s feminist mum, who tried to shield me from gender crap as much as possible. I know an alarming number of (happy) grown up women think this about themselves as kids, but if I was a kid now I would probably be labelled as a “boy” due to my hobbies, interests and self expression. I am now, of course, a very happy-in-my-own-skin woman.
I am trying to do the same for my 3 kids. I really try to keep stuff gender neutral, because you know, gender is oppressive shite for both girls and for boys. My son (3) loves pink and sometimes tells me he is a (actually, the only) female character from his favourite tv show (he also loves a lot of typically ”boys stuff” too).
What has just stuck me is that, he could be labelled as trans by his school for things like liking pink or saying “I’m a lady”. I mean, I doubt it would be just this. But if I constantly hide from my kids the seemingly now widely accepted view that pink and lipstick and glitter are actually the very definition of what it is to be a woman, and that men are defined by all that boyish bloke-stuff (rather than my preference of this is your biological reality but like whatever and whoever you want, wear whatever you want etc), then could I actually be putting them at risk of being told they are in the wrong body, and potentially being medicalised/ being made sterile etc?
I feel physically sick at the thought of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
sandpitsausage · 30/03/2019 01:53

And what I meant by the alarming number of women is that I think most women could probably identify a period of their like (often pre-puberty) where they liked "boys stuff", wore "boys clothes", took part in "boys hobbies" etc.
Most women I know went through this as a phase (although I know it's not always a phase), and all of them grow up to be happy women, some straight, some lesbian. Definitely not trapped in the wrong body because they like(d) playing guitar and football and climbing trees.

OP posts:
Original poster
sandpitsausage · 30/03/2019 01:43

Pombear by saying my mum shielded me I mean eg i never saw a Disney movie till I was at uni, never read a beauty mag till I was in my teens etc. I never liked anything princessy simply because I had never been exposed to it. Luckily for my mum I went to a hippy school surrounded by kids of likeminded parents. I personally think to a certain extent we do have to shield them (girls especially), because there is such a tirade of bullshit they are faced with when trying to figure out what it is to be a girl / woman (eg a friend grew up seeing a page 3 pair of tits on her kitchen table every.fucking.day. could have done with a bit of shielding)

I agree with what you are saying we should be doing and I hope that parents and kids do rose up together and call bullshit on all this.
But when you hear that parents are having their kids removed from their care by SS for refusing to affirm their child's transition, the thought of saying "blue is for boys" doesn't seem so terrible...

OP posts:
ToeToToe · 30/03/2019 01:31

I'm right with you OP.

It's really shit and I'm honestly not sure whether any child is safe for this - because I'm not even sure it's only GNC dc that are at risk. I honestly think any child is at risk of being transed now - any child that has fairly normal feelings of "not fitting in" during their teen years, or just feeling they want to be in with the in crowd.

Gender shit is damaging - social media is damaging - this is an absolute plague on our children. I know that sounds harsh but I really feel that's the case - youtube, twitter, tumblr - it's all there. I've watched them - I've seen kids online succumb to this nonsense. "Confused about my identity" - what a load of made up shit. "Identity" wasn't even a thing when I was young. Keep your kids offline as much as possible.

SapphireSeptember · 30/03/2019 01:28

I always wonder what all these people think of the likes of John Maclean, Jeffree Star, Manny MUA, James Charles, etc. They are totally not conforming to gender stereotypes (I have issues with JS, but he illustrates this point nicely,) and are happily doing their own thing and wearing what they like.
When I was younger my favourite colour was blue, what's that got to do with gender is beyond me. (Now it's dark green, am I still in 'manly' territory?)
I know there is a serious point to this thread. I feel like we're going backwards in terms of gender stereotypes. Only a few years ago it felt like we were making progress. What the hell happened? Sad

pombear · 30/03/2019 01:21

I'm not sure I understand your OP about an 'alarming number of women' or why your feminist mum tried to 'shield you' rather than inform and educate you.

But the very fact that you're thinking this through, and having conversations with your son about it is fantastic.

I'd suggest not to 'hide' the fact that others are trying to force stereotypes of gender on children, keep talking, keep reinforcing that these are stereotypes and they should be free to like what they like, wear what they want. It doesn't have to be 'widely accepted'. The more groundswell of people and parents saying 'that's not how it has to be' is incredibly powerful. The more you encourage your children to recognise the nonsense is powerful.

The power is in your hands. The power of raising your children to understand biological reality and the crap that is gender stereotypes, is within your hands. Many of us have done this, and I realise that those with younger children have a bigger fight on their hands, given that the pink/blue/unicorn crap fog has descended heavily over the last few years.

But you are surrounded by a growing number of voices to support you.

Don't hide the conversation. Give it sunlight. Be proud your son likes 'things' regardless of their attachment currently to gender stereotypes.

Be informed, and ready for conversations, should they happen, with the school. Arm yourself with evidence-based material, that more and more women (and some men) are producing to support you in those conversations.

Many of us are with you, to support the difficult conversations with organisations and institutions that have swallowed down the 'koolaid' without thinking.

Original poster
sandpitsausage · 30/03/2019 01:08

I feel so sick thinking about it.
A few months ago a male relative told one of my DC that "blue was for boys". I was so cross about him telling my kids that.
But if our society is suggesting that the colours you like have even the slightest baring on whether or not you were "born in the right body" then fuck....
My mind is blown.

OP posts:
YogaWannabe · 30/03/2019 01:02

I was thinking about exactly this earlier on about my DD. She’s 8 though so we do discuss these things and she’s aware that trans is a big thing, especially in her school, but she’s happy being a female who likes mostly “boy things”.
I do know it’s easier for girls to go under the radar a bit more with these things though.

NotAJellyBaby · 30/03/2019 00:57

This exact thought is why I'm still awake at 1am night after night after night. My son has a set of pjs with pink unicorns on them that he loves and it chills me to the core to think what ideas may get pushed on him over stuff like that. Am seriously considering homeschooling if this doesn't resolve.

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