‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

Somewhere Between 5-8% of women in the. Community are Dommes.

I’d like you to tell me - genuinely - how my partner dominates me.

Define “fetishising”.

Bank, you don't have to say it any times! You are not the spokesperson for the d/S community.

I don’t know which you are. Genuinely. So I’m asking.

And you were rude and assumptive.

Endofdays no one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to. I don’t know how many times I have to say that.

Most doms are men and most subs are women, which is a direct recreation of patriarchal power relations between men and women, with the men on top and the women in their place at the bottom as usual. Even if the number of doms/dommes was a 50-50 split between men and women, it wouldn't take away from the real life situation of women and what men do to us. That shouldn't be eroticised or treated as if it's a normal and acceptable way of behaving towards other people as long as it's dressed up as kink.

A female domme is not benefitting from it the way a man would, but she is still fetishising dominance and submission - something all women are forced to experience by men, without "consent" and without choice. Dominance and submission or rather subjection is the hierarchical structure that male power rests on, which is why men get off on it. The opposite of men in charge isn't women in charge, it's freedom for women.

We have said that what we do, in the wrong hands, could harm girls and women.

What do you actually want from us?

And why has anything I've said made you think I'm either a man or a woman specifically? Genuine question!

It’s not really helpful to say people have always done it.

There has been a major increase in anal sex and related injuries, including very serious life changing ones.

Listen to yourself! I've stated really clearly, several times in different ways, that this is not about individual posters or their experience as so called experts. Rather it's about a problem facing women and girls, made worse by the legitimisation of kink or BDSM in the mainstream. What difference does it make if I'm a woman or not?

I asked a sensible question given what you said.

I’ll ask again.

I’m female.

Are you female?

Sorry, just kidding!

Are you intetested?

Well, you’ve stopped calling me your “love” so thank you.

Are you female?

I've been where you are, but I grew up. X

And I'll repeat, you are assuming an awful lot about my sex life. But I can see that what I might personally enjoy in the confines of my own bedroom is rooted in societies internalised misogyny and is harmful to society at large. Or not, because it's not about me either.

I haven’t assumed anything.

I can tell you straight I’m not your love. You would like my sort of love, so that’s just as well really, isn’t it.

I also think it's very telling that you have assumed me to be some kind of vanilla prude just because I am not sharing details of my sex life.

you can call me anything you like, love. And I'm not calling what you do anything. My very pint is that I don't see why this thread has been reduced to discussions about a few posters sexual proclivities instead of the very real issues faced by women and girls. On the FWR board.

And teenagers have always thought they were the first generation to discover sex. And teens have always done anal. Up the fanny your mums a granny. In the late 70’s early 80’s. So it’s not new.

Having said that, no one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to. And I utterly condemn that. It’s not what I know in any of the groups I’m associated with.

Here’s a tip. Use twice as much lube as you think you’ll need. Then add more. And take your time. Love.

You know, you’d all be really angry if I was calling you cis. And insisting on it.

So don’t call what I do BDSM.

Be aware of the distinction.

There’s loads of people do anal outside of bdsm. And have done for thousands of years. It’s not new.

And as I’ve said. I don’t do the B or M I do D/s, love. 😘

See, that's what I mean. It isn't about you, love. It's not about how fabulously dominant and powerful you consider yourself. It's about the fact that the mainstream portrayal of BDSM means inexperienced lads are forcing anal on teenage girls and calling it BDSM. For example.

How the hell is my being dominant and putting a woman (me) at the top of the pile harmful for women as a class? Don’t talk tripe.

In my opinion more women - every woman - should recognise their innate superiority and the world would be an infinitely better place if more women were in charge.

Which is why I practise D/s and hate the term BDSM.

I didn’t realise that Masochism is in the DSM and in America you can get counselling and CBT for it.

Just making clear what's being defended here. This eroticisation and normalisation of torture and violence is incredibly harmful to women, "consent" (a very problematic concept) notwithstanding.

When I said "It's not all about what you like in bed", what I was getting at is that three or four posters are trying to invalidate everyone else's opinions by saying - this is my community, you don't know what it's like. This is just rubbish. Not one pro-BDSM poster has told me anything I didn't already know about the "community". You don't have special knowledge. Moreover, this is a discussion about whether more acceptance of BDSM is harmful for society. Sometimes you just have to accept that something you personally enjoy is doing harm to women and girls as a group.