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Original poster

Miss/Ms/Mrs

166 replies

gigi556 · 25/03/2019 06:06

I'm getting married next month. I'm not taking my husbands surname.

Bit of background which may or may not be relevant... I'm an American living in the UK for many many years. I'm also an Italian national but identify more as American which is where I grew up. As an Italian, I'm not allowed to change my surname so makes the issue a bit of a moot point. However, given the choice I'd rather keep my name anyway.

Do most people use Ms once married if they keep their name or would they have used it before then anyway? I've always used Miss without giving it much thought. I guess I've never liked the sound of Ms. Silly I know. Even though the point of using it is to be neutral, the connotation to me is feminist (not a bad thing but perhaps negative to some in society?) or divorced. Maybe I should buy a title so I don't have to use any of them Grin

Thoughts? Maybe these prefixes should be done away with for everyone. It's not something my other half has to think about at all! Angry

OP posts:
Kennehora · 26/03/2019 12:51

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Ella1980 · 26/03/2019 12:44

*his

Ella1980 · 26/03/2019 12:43

And my answer is it's choice and he can do with his surname what he likes 😊

Kennehora · 26/03/2019 12:30

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Kennehora · 26/03/2019 12:30

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Ella1980 · 26/03/2019 12:24

Not changing my surname, adding on his surname too. If he wants to DB too then great. For me it's recognising that I belong in two great families now.

Ella1980 · 26/03/2019 12:22

If people want to assume I was never married by me using Miss then woohooooooooooooooooo! I wish I never had have been!

Kennehora · 26/03/2019 12:21

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Ella1980 · 26/03/2019 12:19

Why does adding an extra surname equate to a "fundamental change in my identity"?

MagicMix · 26/03/2019 11:44

I don't live in the UK and it never really comes up. People don't use titles here apart from occasionally priests. But I always check Ms when booking flight tickets if the airlines want me to specify for some unknown reason (why would it matter?). I'm not divorced and I'm not married either.

I think Ms is the best option out of a selection of completely unnecessary options. I am quite happy for people to think of me as 'a bit feminist' or even 'aggressively feminist', although I don't think I'm all that aggressive really. In fact I'd be delighted.

Kennehora · 26/03/2019 10:41

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littlemeitslyn · 26/03/2019 09:53

Bikerunski 🙄

BettyDuMonde · 26/03/2019 09:50

Or make up a new one entirely. Which I would’ve done if any of this had been important to me before I qualified/published.

AnotherEmma · 26/03/2019 09:48

Well take your mother's name, then.

BettyDuMonde · 26/03/2019 09:47

For me, I could think of nothing worse than being associated with my ex

For me, I could think of nothing worse than being associated with my father.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 26/03/2019 09:47

That is the exact point that Camille Parliament was making about the invention of Ms - it’s about conferring status on an unmarried adult woman.

AnotherEmma · 26/03/2019 09:46

Master is not the equivalent. People do not use it in the same way. You'd have to go back many decades to find boys and young men being called "master" with the same frequency as girls and young women being called "miss".

BertrandRussell · 26/03/2019 09:44

“The one problem with Miss is that because it is also used of children, it could (overtly or subconsciously) imply lower status, very similar to the way grown women are often referred to as 'girls'.“
Yes- when I was young woman, people used “Miss!” to attract the attention of waitresses. Grin

BertrandRussell · 26/03/2019 09:42

Miss does not mean “none of your business!” It means unmarried-by definition. Ms means “none of your business”.

AnotherEmma · 26/03/2019 09:36

"for some people they assume Ms means divorced. I use Miss to mean "None of your business!"

Well, for some people Miss means unmarried or never married.

I think Ms is the title which means "none of your business!"

ErrolTheDragon · 26/03/2019 09:33

Is the definition of Miss really "female child?"

No, it's not. It's been used by unmarried women for centuries.

If men and women had been equal, then there would be the parallel suggested between Master and Miss, Mr and Mrs/Ms denoting nothing but sex and age. But then again if we'd always been equal we might all have just been Mr.

The one problem with Miss is that because it is also used of children, it could (overtly or subconsciously) imply lower status, very similar to the way grown women are often referred to as 'girls'.

Ella1980 · 26/03/2019 09:24

@SpeakUpXXWomen

Is the definition of Miss really "female child?"

I'm an old lady Miss and proud! To most, Mrs assumes married and for some people they assume Ms means divorced. I use Miss to mean "None of your business!" I am divorced and shall also be married again next year. I'll be staying a Miss.

Natsku · 26/03/2019 09:23

I switched to Ms. when I started Uni. Though of course now it only ever applies when I'm ordering things from the UK as titles aren't used in Finland and I just pick whatever title I fancy at the time, today I ordered books with the title Dr. (on the very rare occasion I have to fill out some official form like when I registered to vote from abroad then I use Ms.)

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 26/03/2019 09:20

ken yes, I’ve seen that too - I know lots of women who haven’t taken their DH’s surname on marriage (or aren’t married at all) but in all bar a couple of cases, their DC have their father’s name, not their mother’s.

Ella1980 · 26/03/2019 09:19

@Kennehora

No, he's staying the same. His surname to do with what he likes IMO.

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