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Original poster

Twice I have 'put a man in hospital' by standing up to him

62 replies

bechdel · 17/03/2019 15:04

The thread on Anthony Watson try to put the Economist finance editor in her place has made me think about this.

The first time I 'put a man in hospital' (as the narrative goes, when I get blamed for it latterly) was a man in his early 60s who was responsible for me being abused as a child.

He told me to back down and shut up about it. I told him I wouldn't. He promptly had a stroke.

Second time was a man (also in his 60s) who was bullying me at work over a protected characteristic. I let the evidence mount up then got legal representation and told him I was suing him.

He ended up in hospital that night.

My fault. All my fault apparently, for opening my uppity mouth instead of caving under the narcissistic rage created by not doing as I'm told.

I'm sad for both of them that they got ill. But I refuse to accept either of these incidents as my fault. Which is forever how they will see them.

OP posts:
ALittleBitofVitriol · 17/03/2019 19:14

KennDodd
Shame it wasnt prison you put them in.

I totally wasn't thinking that it should have been 6ft under...

Walkingbunny · 17/03/2019 19:13

When I submitted a formal grievance against my bully boss, with pages of records and evidence, she went off sick for 2 weeks that very afternoon when it’s been brought to her attention. My mother felt sorry for her and told me I should have just let it go.

The unbelievable level of bullying and harassment cost me my mental health and I never regretted speaking up and never will, no matter what everyone says.

Not your fault OP!

Potplant2 · 17/03/2019 19:12

My father is in his 70s and has multiple health issues including heart failure. His father died of a heart attack in his 60s. Despite this my father is massively overweight, eats an appalling diet high in sugar and fat (and is now diabetic and still hasn’t changed his eating habits).

Ever since I can remember I have been told not to argue or disagree with him because it’ll bring on a heart attack and kill him. Both my parents collude in this story.

It took me a long time to realise that I was not responsible for his health problems and that not doing everything he wanted wouldn’t kill him.

I now have very little contact with my family.

ArmchairTraveller · 17/03/2019 19:03

Your mother?
A mother should have to be physically restrained from turning an abuser into confetti, rather than blaming a child.
Long may your reign continue, bechdel.

EcclesThePeacock · 17/03/2019 18:36

It's like someone hurting themselves by driving into a lamppost, and then blaming the lamppost for not moving.

Original poster
bechdel · 17/03/2019 18:02

This thread has lifted my spirits, thank you.

Manbabies Grin

The other thing I learned from all of this is when you are telling the truth and don't have a web of lies to defend they can't actually get you anymore.

OP posts:
ILuvBirdsEye · 17/03/2019 18:00

It's the same as when women are pressurised to take back rape allegations as the poor blokes life will be ruined - and it's all her fault.
Of course it's not!

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 17/03/2019 17:27

You cannot give someone a stroke by disagreeing with them, you just cannot. That is not a thing.

I assume your mother feels guilt about what happened to you and would prefer not to confront that so would rather you be left with what happened to you even though you are the innocent one.

Work board can bore off. Twats.

CaptainMarvelBunting · 17/03/2019 17:27

I suggest a new poster campaign. All these bollox things aimed as warnings to women about their behaviour, how about one aimed at men?

"Men! Be Aware that abusive, sexist behaviour and bullying can lead to serious consequences, including job loss, prosecution, or even hospitalization.

Make sensible choices, or you may pay the price!!!"

#BlameYourselvesManbabies

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 17/03/2019 17:22

Not your fault. Totally their own.

FinallyHere · 17/03/2019 17:19

totally a witch

Im pretty sure accusations of witchcraft have mostly been used to silence 'uppity' women.

GetStrongKeepFighting · 17/03/2019 17:05

I put someone in jail. He wasn't happy. Neither were his wife or family. 100% his fault. If he hadn't done a bad thing I wouldn't have been able to put him in jail.

Not my fault.

Not your fault bechdel.

terryleather · 17/03/2019 17:04

FYI the protected characteristic is sex not gender.

The confusion over this is a big part of the problems we're seeing now.

Mumminmum · 17/03/2019 16:59

Maybe remind your mother that a lot of people who have been abused as children end up commiting suicide because of it. Then go NC on the bitch.

HollowTalk · 17/03/2019 16:18

You have a very valuable skill, there! You could hire yourself out and earn a fortune.

KennDodd · 17/03/2019 16:18

Shame it wasnt prison you put them in.

DarlingNikita · 17/03/2019 16:14

Your mother and management board are twunts.

mumwon · 17/03/2019 16:14

(gets off soap box & picks up broom & black pointy cap with black cat under one arm....)

mumwon · 17/03/2019 16:12

soontobe60 disability, race, sexuality, gender, religion - in context, unequal treatment, bullying because of this, etc & good on you op - if someone has a health problem - coincidentally op! because they don't get their own way or because they have - at long last - have had to take responsibility for their actions - tough cheddar. Otherwise we would have to submit to any treatment no matter how dire, criminal or unequal because we might - might - bring on something that would have happened anyway.

Soontobe60 · 17/03/2019 16:06

Oh, and I wish I had been brave enough to stand up to certain people at certain times in my life!
Now I no longer have to worry about losing my job because I no longer need the salary, I'm more assertive at work! And guess what, when I am, no one tries to sack me 😱

Soontobe60 · 17/03/2019 16:03

What is a 'protected characteristic'? (Apologies for my ignorance)

kbPOW · 17/03/2019 15:57

Do you think you could help me out with a couple of people OP? They more than deserve it Wink. You have held some abusive people to account. Good for you!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/03/2019 15:51

Get good legal representation for dealing with your management board. Don't let them blame you and let him off the hook!

HermioneWeasley · 17/03/2019 15:49

The stress of being found out/held accountable for their behaviour made them ill. Not your fault.

Well done for not backing down and “being nice/kind”.

zanahoria · 17/03/2019 15:45

you didn't put either of these men in hospital