How to get school to back off.

@truthis

Ofsted and the DfE have been trained by the trans lobby groups

Agreed. After I'd challenged the trainer about gender-id, i went to speak to them. I'd challenged in a large audience and was fearful of being called a bigot outside of the room. The Trainer's response was that we needed Stonewall to come down and do some training for us all.

MurielPritchett Jesus.

What boy stuff???

The only things that were separated by sex at school were

PE -who's going to take responsibility if they let a girl play full contact rugby and she gets hurt or worse and yes I know there are very small boys but same size doesn't mean same strength between the sexes.

Swimming - teenage boys with a topless girl? Girl swims in t shirt? Getting changed and maybe showered completely naked in with the boys?

Changing rooms and toilets - given the level of sexual assaults that happen without mixed sex facilities who's going to want to add that into the mix.

(Unofficially) my IT class at GCSE - 1:5 girl to boy ratio one fully day and one half day and most lessons other days were similar and I didn't get on with the other girls really so they weren't really part of most of my days. No way would I want to be the only girl in a boys school, the locker room type talk is vile and I ended up pulling a few of them up on it a few times.

Eventually they backed down and said sex not gender. But were pleased to put me back in my place say that whilst gender was not a protected characteristic, gender id was.

If you are in this situation again the protected characteristic is gender reassignment which was created to cover adults who undergo the whole process and have a GRC. Because those things cannot happen until someone is at least 18 then all under 18's are self ID only which currently is not a legal position.

@RiverTam

In my experience, ofsted have been raising this as equality concern since 2014.

A primary school I was working with had an inspection visit led by an HMI. The HMI asked some children what would happen if a boy wanted to come to school in a girls dress? What if a boy wanted to do something that the girls did? Actually, I think at that point that was a valid questioning line; certainly I'd want any child to be able to do whatever they wanted and to be constricted by things being perceived as boys/girls things. I was impressed they wanted to challenge gender stereotypes.

However, now we seem to have gone backwards and are reinforcing them

Your Rights:

Definition of parental responsibility:

In family law, parental responsibility (PR) is defined in section 3(1) of the Children Act 1989 (CA 1989) as all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to a child and his property. This means that those with PR:
Have the power to make important decisions that affect their child's upbringing, unless there is a court order in place specifying otherwise.
Are entitled to information about their child, such as pupil reports, unless there is a court order in place preventing such disclosure.
Are entitled to be informed about meetings involving the child, for example, a governors' meeting on the child's exclusion.

tmsnrt.rs/2LAUzrO

Agreed MurielPritchett.
Ofsted and the DfE have been trained by the trans lobby groups and are singularly disinterested in the welfare of girls in schools (just look at the disgraceful stats about rape and sexual assaults in schools in recent years).

The trans agenda is being pushed by some exceptionally powerful and creepy senior people in the DfE / civil service / NHS and I'm afraid it won't be until the wheels start coming off and reported in the press that this will change.

When I needed help with communicating with the school I got support from my local Parent Partnership (who liase with the educational welfare officer).

At that point my son was still waiting for diagnosis, so I can’t see why they wouldn’t be able to help with this situation? My contact at PP was a very sensible older lady - knew the local school system (and the law) backwards and was definitely not woke. She was brilliant. Worth exploring.

Solicitor
Head teacher
Governors
Journalist

In that order ^^

I'm really appalled.

Ofsted would, in school inspections, look to make sure that in all cases gender identification was a protected characteristic

surely that is MASSIVE?! Self ID is not law and it is not a protected characteristic!

To all those of you suggesting contacting Ofsted, I'd say don't bother for 2 reasons

1. If you have a complaint then unless it's serious safeguarding (and there's a pattern of complaints), Ofsted will kick it back and advise you to use the school's complaint procedure

2)I feel (as someone who works with school leaders at all levels) Ofsted are actually pushing the Transgender debate. I was at a recent briefing where the protected characteristics were discussed. Firstly we were told that gender was a protected characteristic! I challenged that and put the presenter on the spot. Eventually they backed down and said sex not gender. But were pleased to put me back in my place say that whilst gender was not a protected characteristic, gender id was.
I asked if they meant self-id or id with GRC. Cue much bluster and the advice to go and google it.

So I asked a Lead Inspector at the next opportunity I got. They said it was self-id. We did have quite a discussion about this, what was their definition of self-id. Eventually the Lead inspector did say that they worried that we were pushing children down a road without the correct thought, but this was just their opinion and Ofsted would, in school inspections, look to make sure that in all cases gender identification was a protected characteristic.

GreenEggsHamandChips makes some important points.
It is quite possible that your child is suddenly getting lots of positive attentions for being trans and therefore 'special' from teachers after a long time of negative attention because of her behaviour issues.
That's why all this must be seen in the context of the child. You want the school to back off - to let your daughter explore her identity without forcing her down any route.

GreenEggsHamandChips that would be because the OP's situation is already beyond the point where your suggestions would work.

Mermaids conduct is very questionable and an organisation such as themselves should not be allowed to give advice to schools.

OP.
How awful. There's so much in this, so a few quick ideas: Make a written record of all communications you've had with school and (without alerting daughter) find out who she's been talking to - dates, times and people spoken to. Any time you have further conversations with the school, get full details of names, position etc and make notes wherever possible. Keep these safe.

Draft a letter to the school being clear that you are fully supportive of you child's wishes to explore gender issues. Emphasise that she is a child and explain that you are concerned that she is too young to make an informed choice about this and that you are following a 'watchful waiting' process. Send this direct to the Head.
Ask for a copy of her school records, including details of all discussions with your daughter about her sex / gender confusions by adults. I'd consider advising them that these details are necessary for any future legal action that you might take against the school. Remind them that 'Working Together' states that professionals should work in partnership with parents and not encourage children to be alienated from them. Be clear that that they have no right to change her name without your consent.

You could send a copy of this to them:
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6762379/Former-governor-says-fears-hurrying-children-transgender-path.html

Make an appointment with the Head and go through this with them. Ask for details of the school's insurers so that, in the future, you will know who to claim against. If possible take someone with you to make a record of what is being said. The school need to be reminded of their boundaries - it is not their role to transition your child. It is not their role to undermine your relationship with your daughter.

Start monitoring her online presence asap. The trick is (as she's a teenager) to allow her as much flexibility and freedom as possible to explore her identity while ensuring that she doesn't do anything that is long term harmful.

Make a real effort to do lots with your daughter. Give her lots of positive attention for anything - shopping trips, the cinema, watch a film together, make sure she's engaged with hobbies, sports, anything that helps her sense of her real self.

Finally - Contact Transgender trend for advice. Good luck.

I am so sick of this shit. It blows safeguarding out of the window. I'd take her out of that school, or if you want her to stay, then take it all the way. Complain to ofsted, and get a solicitor. Set a precedent that other schools will have to follow. Set up a fundraiser if you need to and let the outcome be determined in court. This abuse of our children needs to stop.

Excuse the spelling and typos. But i think you're getting some really bum advice

Oh heck cabt anyone see beyond the gender issues!!

The OP has said she cant just change schools due to behave issues. The right place to start is what those behaviour issues are.

If i had a child behaviourally challenged enough that the school they were the only school that would take them, id be working with them

That doesnt mean agreeing with them. But callung the lawyers wouldn't be the first words out my mouth either.

Id be asking how my D childs attitude was being impacted at school be these considerations. Id be offering to obtain counselling either privately or through the GP. Id be making it clear you would not be considering puberty blockers or binders until ypu had solid research into their long term use.

Then hang tight and wait for everything to calm down

"I will check all links posted and will be calling to check the policies too."

Don't call them, put it in writing.

Not a mum but I was a tomboy and very uncomfortable with my rapidly developing body at that age (I wore a minimizer bra - not a binder - but fortunately I predate this whole trans trend and never was I told I must be a boy as a result of who I was and my discomfort). I think you are handling things very well, personally.

I assume you are in UK? I am not but reading here it seems like many of the schools there have accepted the Mermaids “guidance” without question. As for the school, I would be asking them for a written copy of their “policies” (dollars to donuts they are from Mermaids or the like), point them to the “watch and wait” guidelines advocated by NHS, and send them a copy of the Transgender Trend pack (also, there are resources for parents on their website).

Also ask them if they are aware the governor of the Tavistock Foundation just stepped down announcing ethical concerns about the social and campaign pressure on youth to rush into transition, if they know 80% of youth desist through puberty, and that testosterone for example has severe lifelong effects on a teen girls young body - even if she later stops, to vaginal atrophy, to increased risk of uterine cancer meaning many need to get early hysterectomies.

Have you got any way of getting any legal advice and threatening the school with it?

Honestly I’d be so angry if they tried this shit with me?

Big guns. I'd be hiring a lawyer, asap. If you PM me I can get you in touch with one.

mousey I would try to watch whatever YouTube videos she is watching, with her, to counter the narrative of how easy transition is. There is so much out there that could persuade her she is trans when she’s not at all. I would ask for a meeting with the head & her teacher and ask them really do they think this sudden upsurge in girls identifying as trans & embarking on a journey of hormones & surgery is a good thing, or perhaps a very dangerous thing....remind them that approx 85% of children who go through puberty desist from feelings of gender disphoria. Also could you get a helpful therapist involved (that won’t encourage transition). I think getting to a more mature age before making drastic decisions is key. School have a duty of care, not a duty to encourage bodily mutilation.

Do you know if the school is part of an academy trust?