How to get school to back off.

That a relief! Least social services seem to be being sensible for now.

Hope the complaints are taken seriously.

Thank heavens Social Services were rational and helpful OP. There's lots of advice on here - hopefully some of it will be useful when you meet the Head.
They have some serious questions to answer about why their staff are discussing this with your daughter in this way. It is moving into very dangerous 'grooming' territory. These discussions are fraught with difficulty and only the most experienced of adults are in any way 'qualified' to have conversations like this with teenagers .

Some fine posts here, I don't have much to add other than say stick to your guns, know your rights and that you're a great mother.

Gah stupid fat fingers typing

@CharlieParley

You really dont know if the chkld was already on safeguarding's radar anyway for behaviour. Going to way wuth yhe school cpuld well make the whole thing worse.

If genuinely a child was struggling i wpuld wzng thdm to have tried counselling. Personally I'd want to do that privately so i could control the choice of counsellor.

If it does then go to SS, you can tell ss you are lookjng to support to child through counselling but are looking to leep everything else low key until it become apparent whether that it is a phase or something more serious. Tgat shuts doen the SS investigation (if they even bother to concern themselves)

School cannot complain you are unsupportive as you have listened to their concerns and taken action. Shuts them down and gives them no where further to go with it

Unless you are prepared to homeschool, going to war with the one school who is hitherto willing to take on your behaviorally challenged child is not the best plan.

exactly what @truthisarevolutionaryact says.the more airtime you give this, the more it becomes a thing.

You can go on a crusade over this, or you can shut a social sevices investigation down. I hope the OP works out whats best for her.

It worth remembering noone on mumsnet will be homeschooling your child for you...

Mouseymummy
Dont have anything helpful to add just wanted to say sorry you are going through this. I can hardly believe whats going on in schools now and seems to be escalating.

Liability. We need to be reminding people that their blithe acceptance of this ideology is creating a situation where they would be legally held responsible for the inevitable negative outcomes. Liability.

Definitely this if schools can’t be trusted to adequately safeguard children because it’s the correct thing to do then the liability issue and invalidated insurance issue needs pointing out to them. Repeatedly.

sorry, that was long!
Oh and at one parents evening, one teacher was calling her by a boys name. I knew we were on the way out by then, otherwise I would have put in a formal complaint.

this is very close to my heart as dd is 14 and last year went through this whole phase. There was also a very active and vocal LGBT trans supportive group at her school. She cut her hair short, went even more 'tomboyish' in her clothes, and at one point asked me to get her boys boxers. (I had to explain that she wouldn't fit, as she is quite curvey.) She only wears sport crop tops, has never worn a bra, and wanted a binder too.

At first she wouldn't talk about it with me, I got the flounce and the 'you wouldn't understand' but I kept dropping things into conversation, and eventually we were able to have a big heart to heart.
She is gay, and very butch in her style. I was able to reassure her that she could be anything she wants to be, dress how she wants and behave how she wants.

Since she came out as gay, she has actually relaxed, and much to my surprise, recently slagged off her wonderful school club, which I think is quite healthy.

I was talking to her and raising questions - what does it mean to be a girl? How can you change your DNA? What is the difference netween body dismorphia when it is weight, and when it is gender? If we allowed boys to wear pink dresses, do you think they would still want to transition? and so on. All pretty laid back and in the context of conversations. But it all got her thinking.
One day she said - if society let people be themselves, there would be no need for transgender, and I knew she would be OK.

At one point I explained why I wasn't going to support a binder or hormone blockers (although she never asked for them, I wnated to let her know they were dangerous) and that I 100% supported her, but I wouldn't want her to do anything that would hurt her body as she is still working out who she is. She accepted that.

I believe it is still illegal to prescribe hormone blockers, so please ask them why they want to do something illegal, and despite the current newstories about the Tavistock clinic, I thought their advice for young teens was basically support them and wait and see?

My dd was being fed a whole pile of stiff via club and youtube. No-one was giving her another story. In particular, no-one was telling her that butch lesbians are OK, and normal, and not prototype boys!

Liability. We need to be reminding people that their blithe acceptance of this ideology is creating a situation where they would be legally held responsible for the inevitable negative outcomes. Liability.

I would double check your assumption that you cant change your daughters school. If you really cant change her school, if I were you, I would be removing my daughter from the school because there are huge safeguarding concerns here.

I would speak to a lawyer, your GP, and your local MP.

Your number one priority must be to keep these (absolutely bonkers) people away from your child. They'll have her squirreled away from you and taking T behind your back, permanently damaging her, in no time otherwise.

Good luck.

And well done muriel for speaking up

It's not a school's role to transition a child.
They wouldn't give a child with an eating disorder a diet sheet.
They wouldn't give a child who is self harming a bigger razor blade.
They wouldn't give a child who is drinking excessively a cocktail

Schools would normally work with the parents and specialists to safeguard the child from the impact of their feelings / behaviour. Only with trans issues is the child's behaviour immediately affirmed and accepted with no questions asked. And as we now know from the leaks at the Tavistock Clinic - the centre of support for transitioning children - they are being pressurised. It has emerged that despite their years of working with this group of children, they have undertaken no long term research into outcomes and the impact of the hormone blocking drugs they've been prescribing!! They just treat on demand with minimal exploration of why the child wants to transition.

This is the stuff of nightmares.

Do you get on with your gp? It might be worth going to see them. At least to sound them out? I don't think they've all swallowed the Kool Aid.

Are DD behavioural issues connected to autism? There's seems to be a very high cross over with trans girls and autism. Could an autistic charity advise?

Find out as much as you can (if you haven't already) about the work of Dr Zucker. There was a great tv show, exploring his work. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, but there might be some helpful tips moving forward.

I think I would be asking school to separate her from the other child, if that's possible. I would be seriously limiting the wifi (again without alienating her).

Transgender Trend is your friend here.

Teenagers always like to rebel, this is why this is so fucking dangerous. This is probably the only thing I would take my child out of school and home educate over. I think it's one of the biggest risks a child can face.

Speak to the head. Maybe write first. You seem calm and measured. Get it in writing, then follow up. 60 -80 % of children with gender incongruence desist.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you both.
I've spent over 25 years working with children and this whole thing terrifies me.

Don't let them make you the baddy in this. You might have to grit your teeth through some bullshit.

Lily Maynard mobile.twitter.com/LilyLilyMaynard?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor went through this with her daughter, she could be very helpful

We are here for you

What's their safeguarding response to a situation where they had a girl who'd suffered sexual abuse or rape and a self id trans boy? Who's feelings come first?

Jesus, I’d be down that school forbidding them to transition her.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of a parent getting the same phone call.

Leave the school, now. Get your daughter away from the other child too. She's obviously being influenced!

Children are easily manipulated and change their minds all the time, the school are awful for encouraging this. I would be writing to the board to complain/get an appointment with the principle.

@CharleyParley

You're right! I've just looked that up for myself. I think of myself as pretty well-informed and Id allowed myself to be hoodwinked.

Shame those carrying out Inspections or advising school's don't know. But now I'm off to email the person who delivered the training

MurielPritchett that took huge courage to challenge them like that, well done

And I shouldn't be shocked anymore at all the unlawful bollocks being spread but I am.

@older

What boy stuff???

This was primary so they talked about boys who wanted to play with dolls etc. The HMI wanted to make sure that it was ok for boys to play with toys that were traditionally thought of as girls, dolls etc and that it was ok for girls to play with things traditionally thought of as boys toys

@Ova

If you are in this situation again the protected characteristic is gender reassignment which was created to cover adults who undergo the whole process and have a GRC

all very well in theory, but when you're in a highly charged situation of an inspection, it's not the time to challenge an inspector. i was once threatened with Special Measures because I didn't agree with the inspector- "If you can't see why what you're saying is wrong, then you can't lead this school properly"

It's ok saying but you can complain or appeal afterwards. How many inspections have you ever seen overturned and how many schools have the £1000s need to go down that process. I'm not playing Russian roulette with any school leader's career.

I'm afraid that I would no longer trust the school and would do everything possible to get your DD out of that environment. The risks to physical, mental and reproductive health of pursuing transition at 14 are far too high. If the school is pushing this, standing up to the indoctrination at home will be difficult.

If removing DD is totally impossible, ask your GP to confirm in writing that she does not have a medical diagnosis that would support the school's approach. Does she have a social worker or any other professionals involved due to her behaviour? If so, get them to write letters providing context, too.

Ask a solicitor to tell the school to back right off. Make it clear in writing that the school does not have parental permission to go down this road. That they are taking responsibility for this decision and that you will hold them accountable.

Get her dad involved if possible. Ask him to write too.

Keep everything in writing. Good luck.

Stonewall are long overdue being taken to task for their role in this considering they receive tax payer money.

The phrase egregious overreach could have be coined just for them.

Gender identity has no definition in law and is not a protected characteristic.

Gender reassignment is the protected characteristic. It also has a definition in law.

Just play this out for a second. If I had a gender identity*, what if it was that of a properly submissive, timid and helpless woman who felt extreme distress at being forced to share with males. Any place that has policies allowing males into female spaces is therefore discriminating against me twice - on the basis of my sex as well as gender identity. So how would they deal with that?

*Or whatever your identity includes, there is after all, no definition of what it entails in international human rights law or domestic law.

Gender reassignment starts with someone who says they identify as a member of the opposite sex and may include those someone who choose to embrace the sex stereotypes of the opposite sex and appear, behave and present accordingly as well as those who choose cosmetic surgeries and medical substances to attempt to change their physiology to more closely imitate the physiology of a member of the opposite sex. Apart from the mere self-identifier who only states intentions, the gender reassignment of the latter two is a tangible thing, it's external and therefore quantifiable. And even the one yet unchanged has stated an intention, an action they seek to pursue.

Gender identity is all about intangible, internal feelings and thoughts, that may or may not be expressed.

Hopefully no-one would give actual hormones to a 14yo but they could be given blockers which will disrupt puberty already started. Even Tavistock head honcho Polly Carmichael is in record saying we don't know the long term effects and are prescribing them under pressure.