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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Period talk event...men invited and I feel weird about that

84 replies

MinesaBottle · 04/03/2019 11:44

I’m going to an IWD event at work this week, it’s about periods (period poverty, sustainable sanpro, menopause, dealing with periods at work and other topics). I’ve just found out that it’s also open to men...now I’m not sure I want to go as I don’t feel very comfortable talking about some aspects of periods with men, particularly ones I don’t know very well!

I get that they’re trying to be inclusive but surely there could be another way of informing men about period issues? I guess I’m also concerned that any men who attend will do the usual thing of taking over the discussion, making it about them etc. I’d still like to attend but I’m also nervous that if I object I’ll be piled on to, there are some women who think it’s just amazing that men want to get involved in these things. There’s a guy who is writing an article about sanpro for some magazine (!) and rather than advising him that a real ally would suggest a woman write it, some women are fawning over how great that is.

I wish we could just have one thing to ourselves without men coming in and grandstanding, or am I being mean and pessimistic and non-inclusive?

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 04/03/2019 12:00

Will there be separate parts to the event where women can discuss just with other women, and other parts where men can listen to a more general less personal discussion?

WiggleXX · 04/03/2019 11:58

I don't think a man should be writing an article about sanitary protection if there is a woman who is available to do so - I wouldn't expect to write about erections, if someone else had first hand experience!

well put.

ThePankhurstConnection · 04/03/2019 11:58

Any man talking over women on an event about periods is marking themselves out as an arrogant arsehole imo. However, men listening to the issues isn't a bad thing - how else do they learn?

We complain about the woeful ignorance of men on these issues but the only way they can learn is to listen to real experience.

That said MinesaBottle I completely get your reluctance to discuss these personal matters with men present and I absolutely think women should be centered.

I'm not sure what the solution is apart from what AssassinatedB has said above asking whether the orgniasers can ensure the discussion is moderated in some way and ensuring people don't speak over one another or monologue and dominate the proceedings. Maybe some rolls of duct tape at the entrance? Wink

thenightsky · 04/03/2019 11:58

I'd be uncomfortable too OP. I would end up just sitting and not saying anything tbh.

WiggleXX · 04/03/2019 11:56

I think you need to stand up and ask the question as soon as you can, just say what you have said here. I would also struggle to do that, it takes courage. Is there anyone you know going that you could team up with for moral support? Could you write it down several times and hand it to every speaker before they go on with a request they please address your conerns?

sar302 · 04/03/2019 11:56

I think men should be equally educated about female bodily functions and issues. I can't abide men who are uneducated about something this significant that happens to half the population, who refuse to buy sanitary towels for their wife etc. I don't think it should be hidden from them and just discussed by women, as this perpetuates the issue.

I think the talk sounds like its going to touch on some interesting and necessary wider period issues, rather than you discussing your own period (which would feel a bit weird for me in a work environment.) As an adult, you should be able to talk about a bodily function in general terms.

I think it's an assumption to say that any men attending will take over - it is a possibility, but not a certain outcome. If you want to talk, talk.

I don't think a man should be writing an article about sanitary protection if there is a woman who is available to do so - I wouldn't expect to write about erections, if someone else had first hand experience!

Anytime · 04/03/2019 11:55

It's not very inclusive to exclude men though is it!? How can we expect men to understand challenges woman face if we actually exclude them from the conversation.

I'm sorry, but I really disagree with you.

MinesaBottle · 04/03/2019 11:52

Yes, I’ll have to. It concerns me that eg Muslim women or older women would be put off attending by the thought of discussing this in front of men. Which is obviously not going to make for an inclusive event.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 04/03/2019 11:46

Can you ask the organisers how they will ensure that men don't dominate any discussions, and how they will enable women to discuss potentially very personal matters in a mixed forum?

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