Families of trans kids/teens/adults

GNC Centric is another young detransitioner who has a lot to say about her experience

www.youtube.com/channel/UCTY0IumyDAKe--wcRyL_Avg/featured

There are also more and more detransition blogs on Tumblr (#detransition). It might be worth having a look to gain insight as they speak about why they felt they were trans and the pressures and feelings driving them.

There's a group online called Parents of ROGD kids that are supporting their kids but not affirming of their childs trans identity. You can make contact through their website.

Feminine, possibly gay son- tick.
Best friend believing she was trans - tick.
Online exposure to trans positive videos - tick.

Result - one teen son diagnosed with 'gender dysphoria'.

Fwiw, his psychiatrist said the diagnosis is 'low hanging fruit' ie it isn't hard to get one. So it doesn't neccessarily mean anything about his future. She does pretty conservative assessments.

Even so, it does my head in, hearing her talk about a person who doesn't exist - my 'daughter'. Nope, got two of those, not three. I told her I felt gaslit by the pronoun convo, she nodded and wrote it down, lol. I do trust her not to dob me in to child and family services for insufficient support, but man, it's so stressful.

Sending all my support and love to families dealing with the gender monster.

Hi joining a bit late but 14 year old DD told me yesterday she thinks she's transgender, she's always been a tomboy but it's never crossed my mind that she might be transgender. We talked a bit more today during the drive to her school, I asked her what she thinks it means to be male and her reply was full of gender stereotypes so I pointed that out and that got her a bit stuck. She seems to think I've just not been paying attention to all the "signs" because she's hated dresses since she was 5, always liked football, hung around with boys more and so on, I've noticed of course but that doesn't make her a boy. I'm worried she's using this to gain more attention, a lot has happened in the past year regarding her family life and I think I don't always spend as much time with her as I should, i try but it's not always easy especially when she's always off doing her own thing. It does feel like this could be a bit of a cry for attention

Those girls on moominfan's post are so thoughtful and articulate about what they were trying to achieve with the trans identity.

DD is currently having a bit of a sad time at school in a totally normal for a 12 year old way. It's friends and popularity and who am I? It strikes me how appealing this ideology is for lost and sad young teenagers of whom there are so many (because it's a pretty normal thing to be). DD has been pretty well inoculated against this ideology (hopefully) by me and by her pretty strong sense of self but if she were even slightly more vulnerable, I'd be terrified.

It's just heartbreaking because as these girls demonstrate, if you give it a few years you have every chance of becoming an awesome young woman with perspective and self-acceptance.

And sorry about your sister moomin. So very hard.

recent thread with other important voices describing their experience having 'de-transitioned'
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3507109-Pique-Resilience-Project-young-detransitioned-women-sharing-their-personal-stories

Moominfan this is amazing. Thank you.

R0wantrees thanks for posting that.

This recent conversation between a mother & daughter reflecting on their relationship during the period when the daughter thought she was trans and then post 'detransition' may be of interest.

They are the founder of 4thWaveNow & one of the Pique Resiliance Project (young women who have 'de-transitioned' )
4thwavenow.com/2019/02/27/a-grand-conspiracy-to-tell-the-truth-an-interview-with-4thwavenow-founder-her-daughter-chiara-of-the-pique-resilience-project/

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones

"I have been supportive since around 18 months into my child telling me they feel this way.

My support has helped so much, and my child knowing that I am there means I can discuss every single aspect if this without being accused of transphobia.

It's very difficult, but ultimately I think being supportive but questioning is the way forward. You don't have to agree with everything to be supportive."

I think that is the right approach when you know this is really happening and is not a phase.

May I ask, what was the turning point for your being more supportive, please, if you don't mind saying?

Hi everyone. I have a 15 year old daughter, she now believes she is transgender. She has always been a tomboy, came out bit few months ago. Now she cut off all her hair, and wants to be a boy. Her father is also transgender.

Thanks Solo
I'm not quite sure what the CAHMs councillor really thinks, she's really eager to stress how long the wait ( for Tavi) is- don't worry..., Yes I still worry, I've just been quite supportive in my disapproval ! I hope this is the end of it and his story can be hopeful to others.

Good news Jam - and good that you are communicating with him. Let's hope CAMHS are cautious too.

In the car tonight I asked my son how he was, did he still feel as if he was a woman, and he said no! He hadn't talked about it with me since before Christmas but had been very distant as he knew I didn't really believe that he was trans. I'm thrilled, although aware he may have just said that to get the subject changed. I'll find out more definitely in a couple of weeks when he has a CAHMs appointment. His counsellor had been suggesting family therapy so he could talk to me about this issue. I'm hoping he'll say he no longer needs to.
He's ASD and quite judgemental, I can quite imagine that he saw some trans stuff online that he found cringe and then the wool fell from his eyes. Fingers crossed!!

We've been in this for about 2 and a half years and nothing in that time has made me think changing gender is the answer. Feels a bit like our kid has been taken in by a cult, frankly.

In the good moments I have to believe that trained medical professionals working in an ethical framework will help my child work out the best thing to do, whatever that is.

This is what I am hoping. The idea that they can simply change is horrifying. I haven't made the call yet, because I am a bit head in the sand over it I think. I want to support my child no matter what; and outwardly, to them at least, I am. But my thoughts and feelings don't match.

I would be happy with him being 'seen' as female but I can't wrap my head around the permanence of the other.

Need - I really do share your pain. In my darkest times I really see no good future at all (kid is currently not in education or employment despite v good A levels). In the good moments I have to believe that trained medical professionals working in an ethical framework will help my child work out the best thing to do, whatever that is.

As an aside - I don't think my kid has gender dysphoria in the way Polly Carmichael describes it in last nights programme. She has no problem with her biological body, just wants to be "seen" as a male person, if that makes sense?

solo

I have done everything I can in terms of acceptance. I haven't questioned this at all, have ensured they know it will be ok.

The reality is though, it's never going to be ok again. For me that was a life changing point that I don't know how to 'fix'. All I can see is my seemingly happy and rather well adjusted son is broken

I'm terrified of the clinic just going full steam ahead when actually, o think this is more of a masking type situation. 'Oh I can be X instead of me'. My youngest does it but he turns into a different version of himself which doesn't bother me, but full on MtF transitioning? Horrified that this is out of my control.