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Original poster

Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

704 replies

Comeymemo · 05/02/2019 09:14

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

  • confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
  • confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
  • confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
  • confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
  • confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
  • confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
  • would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

OP posts:
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5
AngryAttackKittens · 06/02/2019 01:32

The idea that boys with feminine mannerisms or girls with masculine mannerisms need a lifetime of medical intervention makes me want to weep for all of us. And protect those children from the adults who think that way.

AssassinatedBeauty · 06/02/2019 01:29

No one is saying that you personally are homophobic, rather than your comments here have homophobic elements.

The idea that boys with "feminine mannerisms" or girls with "masculine mannerisms" are demonstrating that they are transgender is what people are finding homophobic. Boys and girls will have a whole range of behaviours and it is sexist stereotyping to label those behaviours as masculine or feminine.

FloralBunting · 06/02/2019 01:27

I don't want to speak over AssassinatedBeauty, but I would take issue, among many things in your post with the notion that 'feminine mannerisms' is any kind of indication that a male is not a male. That kind of thinking really find a it's roots in homophobic attitudes about 'effeminate' men.

MeganJPerry · 06/02/2019 01:18

AssassinatedBeauty I have read what I wrote several times and I can see nothing homophobic in it. I get cross when people accuse me of being something that I know I am not. I have no problems with homosexuals or lesbians, never have, never will.

Anonandannoyed · 06/02/2019 01:07

Megan, obviously most convicted sex offenders are not currently in prison!

FloralBunting · 06/02/2019 01:03

Can I just type in the words Goose step? I'm knackered and can't work in a witticism.

Hamster00 · 06/02/2019 01:00

I am thanks Kittens! Grin

...also, for the purposes of utterly inappropriate levity - if someone could invoke Godwin's Law that'd be grand. I get to complete my "thread card" and I can go to bed....

AngryAttackKittens · 06/02/2019 00:58

(waves to Hamster)

Moving house is such a pain. Hope you're all settled in now!

I'd give up on someone who was all "I want to help people like you! By refusing to listen to anything that you say!" too.

AssassinatedBeauty · 06/02/2019 00:56

There's a difference between offensive and breaking talk guidelines, obviously.

If it's soo boring for you to read the responses, maybe try explaining how what you've written isn't sexist or homophobic? It's a lot easier just to resort to snarking and insults though.

FloralBunting · 06/02/2019 00:56

Yes, obviously on a feminism chat board, the words sexist and homophobic are just empty phrases and none of us have any experience of them or spent any time discussing the issues.

I mean why would feminists have opinions about 'girls things' and 'boys things' being the deciding factor in what sex you are?

GlitterStick · 06/02/2019 00:48

The majority of middle aged transitioners are M2F though and then we get into the thorny subject of AGP.

Translated as the majority of middle age transitioners are male to female though and then we get into the thorny subject of AGP.
From what I can gather from other threads if you disagree with others you're automatically an AGP.)
Happened to me. I'm not accepting all trans are AGP even though some on here have said that's what it is.
(AGP apparently being a sexual fetish for anyone not knowing until recently)

MeganJPerry · 06/02/2019 00:47

RepealtheGra

Is that you Webberley with the sexist BS? I don’t even know where to start with your highly offensive, sexist and minimising post. What is ‘girly stuff’ what is ‘boys stuff’? That is honestly one of the most sexist and homophobic posts I have ever read on here.

If your convinced its offensive then report it & the admins will remove it.

You do love your little trigger words don't you, sexist, homophobic. I'm sure you can do better than that to try and make yourself appear intelligent and part of the in-crowd. I read those words so many times in these forums my eyes start closing.

Hamster00 · 06/02/2019 00:47

waves to Kittens I'm still around... a bit like the bad penny really. Just some house moving and "life".

I'd definitely go with the "rational" for you and Repeal. Wink Hive mind makes the pair of you sound like bugs Hmm

As for Glitter's quotes. I can't really argue with someone who is arguing against my own personal lived experience. It's making my head hurt, and I think I might disrupt the space-time continuum if I try.

AngryAttackKittens · 06/02/2019 00:40

Nonsense to you as you can't see outside of your own experience and expect everyone to be the same.

(Is helpful)

GlitterStick · 06/02/2019 00:37

You didn't disagree with Hamster though, you said Hamster didn't understand what you were saying because they hadn't experienced it. Honestly wriggle as much as you like, it's all there
Who's that to? I'm assuming me as you referenced me in one of your last posts.
Again, no, I've never said anything of the sort Confused

AngryAttackKittens · 06/02/2019 00:32

I prefer "rational mind", personally!

RepealTheGRA · 06/02/2019 00:29

Oooh AAK I keep cross posting with you, better stop before we look like a hive mind Grin

AngryAttackKittens · 06/02/2019 00:29

I guess it would be a lot easier to pretend that GC people don't have a point if you just took sexism off the table as a topic for discussion...

RepealTheGRA · 06/02/2019 00:28

Did I say you should not care? And when i say trans, i used male to female because that is the most common one and the one people view as the highest risk. But it applies to both.

The most common in children is FtM the ROGD that is seen in teenage girls that we’re very concerned about on this board and that the government has ordered an enquiry into.

The majority of middle aged transitioners are M2F though and then we get into the thorny subject of AGP.

AngryAttackKittens · 06/02/2019 00:27

Among teenagers it's actually female to male that's both most common and fastest growing, so maybe try a bit harder to keep up with what's going on before assuming the people you're talking to know less than you do.

AssassinatedBeauty · 06/02/2019 00:27

Seriously? You talk about girly stuff and boys stuff and "feminine mannerisms", and you don't want to respond to people pointing out the obvious sexism and indeed homophobia inherent in your comments?

And there are many many 2 year olds who play with all kinds of toys and with all kinds of mannerisms. It signifies nothing whatsoever about them at all. Any adult who interprets that as distress about their sex is projecting their own sexist ideas about gender roles onto toddlers.

Trousering · 06/02/2019 00:24

You didn't disagree with Hamster though, you said Hamster didn't understand what you were saying because they hadn't experienced it. Honestly wriggle as much as you like, it's all there. Grin

RepealTheGRA · 06/02/2019 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MeganJPerry · 06/02/2019 00:22

AngryAttackKittens

Did I say you should not care? And when i say trans, i used male to female because that is the most common one and the one people view as the highest risk. But it applies to both.

MeganJPerry · 06/02/2019 00:20

AssassinatedBeauty

If you cant be more thoughtful and constructive than calling it sexist your not worth my time or effort. Throwing around stupid words like sexist is easy and cheap. And yes, I knew a 2 year old who was like that, but it's non of your business.

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