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Original poster

Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

704 replies

Comeymemo · 05/02/2019 09:14

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

  • confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
  • confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
  • confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
  • confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
  • confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
  • confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
  • would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

OP posts:
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AmaryllisNightAndDay · 05/02/2019 10:15

I wouldn’t be so fussed about drama, but only on the proviso that male parts are available to girls (irrespective of their gender ID).

Thing is, making dramatic roles equally available to both sexes is also a feminist principle, and one that directly affects your DD who likes acting. So you wouldn't be much of feminist if you didn't think that was important enough to tackle with the school until a transgender child came along.

Original poster
Comeymemo · 05/02/2019 10:14

Jennings (respect for the Americans reference), I’m not a troll, i don’t even know the pupil in question, but I don’t want them to get more opportunities than DD to female parts. Is that really so nasty?

As far as I’m aware the school never gives male parts to girls. That pupil is male, not female.

OP posts:
JenningsElizabeth · 05/02/2019 10:13

the more reports on this the better so far as I'm concerned. happy to get my first ever mn rebuke.

Oxytocindeficient · 05/02/2019 10:13

I see the twitterspere exploding.... "banning Shakespeare" etc etc. ad nauseum...

What the hell is the obsession with how things looking on the misogynistic cesspit that is Twitter?? Who cares?

JenningsElizabeth · 05/02/2019 10:13

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differentnameforthis · 05/02/2019 10:11

@JenningsElizabeth You believe the poster isn't genuine, that isn't the same thing.

Regardless, troll hunting is not acceptable on a thread, you report it to MN via the report the poster button. You seem very keen to be the first to spot a troll here!!

JenningsElizabeth · 05/02/2019 10:11

"I wouldn’t be so fussed about drama,"

oh that's good of you.

hometownglory · 05/02/2019 10:09

Pina- there is a solution to this. Same sex facilities and dress however you like. Allow kids to understand that you can't become a different sex, but you can be as creative as you like with dress sense / hair etc. A child not sure of their sexuality? That's ok, you don't have to choose a sexual partner in school or ever! Feel as though you have more fun with your female friends than you male friends but you are a boy? That's ok too.

JenningsElizabeth · 05/02/2019 10:08

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JenningsElizabeth · 05/02/2019 10:08

I see the twitterspere exploding.... "banning Shakespeare" etc etc. ad nauseum....

SingaporeSlinky · 05/02/2019 10:08

Take out the school records part as it has nothing to do with you at all. That’s for their parents to raise, if they wish to.

differentnameforthis · 05/02/2019 10:08

@JenningsElizabeth No troll hunting on threads. Report to MN.

Original poster
Comeymemo · 05/02/2019 10:07

Can I just add that I am also conscious this must be a very difficult time for the pupil, who clearly has some important challenges. I sincerely do not want to make this more difficult for that pupil.

However, I don’t agree with self identification and I have fundamental reservations about the concept of transgenderism. My priority is that DD’s right to equality is respected. The society we live in is still very sexist and I don’t want the little protection we get from sex discrimination laws to be lost for the benefit of male individuals who claim to be female.

Moreover, if that pupil is allowed to play sports with girls, this could disqualify the school from any inter school competitions as there is no such thing as self-ID in this country, so other schools could rightfully object to there being a boy in a girls’ team.

I wouldn’t be so fussed about drama, but only on the proviso that male parts are available to girls (irrespective of their gender ID).

OP posts:
eniledam · 05/02/2019 10:07

Poor child. Your drama lesson/play point is completely unreasonable. The transgender child identifies as a girl. In following your logic, she won't be able to play any of the male parts like all the other girls. There is no special treatment. I'm guessing she wouldn't want to play a boy, either.

JenningsElizabeth · 05/02/2019 10:06

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terryleather · 05/02/2019 10:03

I would also want reassurances that no-one in the school is forced to use incorrect language and won't be penalised for doing so. Forcing children into the cognitive dissonance required to suddenly refer to Bill as 'she' is repulsive.

I agree with this

JenningsElizabeth · 05/02/2019 10:03

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AmaryllisNightAndDay · 05/02/2019 10:02

- confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions ... I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls

Small point but if your school only lets girls acts female roles and boys male ones then you should tackle that issue separately. That is not a trans issue.

hometownglory · 05/02/2019 10:02

River- I agree.

OldCrone · 05/02/2019 10:01

The boy becoming a girl.

No boy can become a girl, PinaColada1. Nobody should be encouraging this child in the belief that he can change sex.

hometownglory · 05/02/2019 10:00

I don't understand the phrase 'right to exist'. Everyone living exists right now.

RiverTam · 05/02/2019 09:57

I would also want reassurances that no-one in the school is forced to use incorrect language and won't be penalised for doing so. Forcing children into the cognitive dissonance required to suddenly refer to Bill as 'she' is repulsive.

Genevieva · 05/02/2019 09:54

@Gonzales27 I agree completely.

It is possible to believe that the Olympics should be reformed to protect biological women from competing against biological men, while also prioritising the pastoral needs of a child who is going through a difficult time. Perhaps the school should have given more details to reassure parents. The boarding arrangements would be irrelevant if the child is a day pupil. Personally, I don't think any boarding school can provide the level of emotional support that is required at such a time in a child's life. Things like plays would need to be dealt with sensitively. There is no reason why a child (transgender or otherwise) shouldn't play a part of the opposite sex. After all, acting is about being someone else.

Oxytocindeficient · 05/02/2019 09:53

Do I understand you correctly OP, the houses are currently single sex? Is that why you don’t want a male transgender child in the girls houses?

PinaColada1 · 05/02/2019 09:52

This is very hard. I honestly don’t know what I’d do in the circumstances.

There’s a part of me that thinks it’s better for kids to wait until they are an adult before identifying full time. Teenagehood is about learning, experimentation, experiences, so much of our brains are still forming.

It just brings up the whole issue of then what to do with others who are not identifying as another gender. And everyone’s safety. What if a girl self identified as a boy and wanted to share a dorm with a lot of teenager boys just discovering their sexuality? What if the boy self identifying as a woman still had feelings for women and started to get off on being in the same changing rooms? I get that these feelings are also there if someone is gay, however it’s just such a vulnerable tricky time.

I’m not sure this helps! I feel for everyone. The boy becoming a girl. The girls. The boys he has left behind. It throws up more issues than I think teenagers can handle.

However OP as the school are supporting this, I’d just focus on concrete issues and practicality.

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