Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

@ivegonegreyfindingausername a typical boy that has gone through puberty will be physically stronger than a typical girl of the same height. This is to do with physiological differences, nothing to do with the probability that they might work out.

This is one of the reasons that contact sports are done in single sex groups at this age.

but what are the chances that this 'boy' who feels like a girl is interested sexually in girls? I understand the safeguarding surrounding boys. But isn't he far more likely to be a gay boy If he identifies as a girl? I'm not saying it's impossible but I do think it's unlikely.

Actually it seems that way more transgirls/women identify as 'lesbians'. It's very very common.

I have skimmed this thread.

It seems to me there are two or three strands to the OP's concerns that need to be separated out in any approach to the school. I would approach them as 'policy' issues with some specific examples.

A) Safeguarding. Where things are currently separated out by sex for a safeguarding reason, these should continue. This includes accommodation, changing, sport

B) Unnecessary Gender Divides
Where school currently separates by sex for no strong reason (e.g. if girls did sewing and boys woodwork), then this should be reviewed and altered.
(One thing I have struggled with is where there are prizes/roles, one for boys and one for girls. The school needs to think why they do that. Is it to ensure equal role models? What message would it send if the 'best' girl for something is male bodied?)
[Basically this section is about removing the boy/girl issues wherever possible]

C) Stereotyping
Where school appears to actively stereotype the sexes/genders then this should be reviewed and more balanced approaches taken. e.g. princesses for girls, superheroes for boys. Similarly where they permit stereotypes to exist e.g. science is for boys, they need to actively counter it.
[This section is about setting an atmosphere were sex/gender is not forced, and anyone can do anything]

We have a similar situation at my DD's day school. I have discussed with DD that 'no you can't change sex, but if X is happier presenting as a girl then as long as there aren't any safeguarding/privacy issues for the girls it isn't our issue to bother with'.

OK @rocky do you believe gay males are a risk to females?

limpbizkit - the majority of MTF trans people are heterosexual, not homosexual. That is to say, the majority are attracted to girls/women. Have you not even heard of the male lesbian, the female penis or the cotton ceiling?!

RockyFlintstone of course I now that but surely you can grasp that the feeling can be very real for a person in the situation.
And in regards to physically working out I said less likely not that it would be a given that transgender people don't work out. But surely you can appreciate a teen still in school is less likely to have been going to gym and pumping the weights when they feel like stuck in the wrong body. I will jump on the stereotyping train with you and say bodies with a vast show of muscles tend to be male. (think weightlifting)

@comeymemo my replies were to other posters not aimed at you

Ffs, I've not RTFT but I hope the OP has softened slightly slightly over the course of the thread! Poor fucking child, the comment about 'not drinking from the same water fountain' seems pretty justified to me.

Because where I am standing, we seem to be in a society where lots of female rights (rights to single sex spaces, the right to privacy, rights to single sex sports) only really exist on the say so of males and that all of it actually depends on how males feel.

It looks the same to me. Plus, I'll add that people will deny that these spaces are needed and demonstrate a lot of anger when the they are reminded why we need space away from males.

This thread is gold.

Well, it's not subtle, that's for sure!

@neesmoresleep but what are the chances that this 'boy' who feels like a girl is interested sexually in girls? I understand the safeguarding surrounding boys. But isn't he far more likely to be a gay boy If he identifies as a girl? I'm not saying it's impossible but I do think it's unlikely.

Nobody assumes that about individuals but how else do we manage safeguarding?

Is it really preferable to to get rid of sex segregation then use evidence of offending to chuck out the bad apple element? How does that work? All that does is create more victims of abuse that were more preventable under the old system.

There's a reason the first thing the UN does in war torn countries and crisis zones is establish sex segregation for toileting, washing and sleeping. We all know what that reason is.

I find it quite hypocritical how I'm wrong for making an assumption that a woman is a lesbian but it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

no one is saying the boy is automatically a sexual predator.

Certain aspects of society work on the basis that men are a risk to women. It's why we have single sex changing rooms (or all cubicles in unisex changing villages),
its why we have single sex prisons, single sex wards, it's why most male HCPs will have a chaperone if doing an intimate exam on a woman. Because as a society, we recognise that men as a class are a risk to women. And people generally don't have a problem with that.

So I will ask the question: at what point do you believe that a male who believes they are a female comes out of the (high risk) category of male and goes into the (low risk) category of female, therefore able to share the legal protections that women have? What is your criteria for this?

That last post was to the OP by the way.

but it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

That’s not what was said, are you intentionally misrepresenting or not capable of understanding safeguarding at all?

All males pose a potential threat to women and girls. It’s got nothing to do with transgender status, and everything to do with their sex. How on Earth you can think that simple biological fact is in any way comparable to making an unintelligent comment about lesbians and what they look like is beyond me.

why do you have a problem with the pupil playing female parts in a drama play though?
Why is that a "safeguarding concern?"
Theatres have had males playing female parts since forever.

MeganJPerry totally ignoring the trans issue your post is mindboggling. You're assuming intelligent women will accept an article which basis itself on the assumption that we all agree that women "think with their emotions" in contrast to men, who are logical? Seriously? Who are you? What decade are you from? Does Doc know you used the delorean?

all males are potentially, hence single sex spaces and safeguarding.

What you are assuming is that by saying the words 'I identify as a girl' that ceases to be the case, because ladybrain.

So it's OK to assume that a boy who wants to be a girl has magically changed to be harmless then?

If the boy in question did, in fact, identify as a boy he would not be allowed in the girls house, would not be playing sports with the girls and would not be up for awards meant for the girls.

The question that I have never had answered is, at what point does this boy actually become a girl and therefore get access to these things? Is it just on the boys say so?

Because where I am standing, we seem to be in a society where lots of female rights (rights to single sex spaces, the right to privacy, rights to single sex sports) only really exist on the say so of males and that all of it actually depends on how males feel.

If a man 'feels like a woman' then bam, that single sex space is no more. And what's more, a woman who objects to that is a bigot.

I can't think of anything which encapsulates the subordination of women more vividly to be honest.

it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

But no one is making that assumption are they. They are talking about risk. Are you saying that there is not a risk when boys and girls share dormitories? Are you saying that generations of boarding schools have got it wrong. What is the basis of your expertise? Stonewall or Mermaids?!

I find it quite hypocritical how I'm wrong for making an assumption that a woman is a lesbian but it's OK to make an assumption that a boy that feels he's a girl is automatically a potential sexual predator

Yep, exactly! No making assumptions but you can make whatever assumptions you like about anyone trans. Apparently.