Cosmopolitan - Bleeding after anal sex

It's quite clear that what I was saying. Of course the first sexual act most couples attempt is PIV not anal. Being good at that doesn't meant your first attempts at anal would be satisfying,your advice is to give up, the article suggests ways to make it more comfortable. So what ?

Elon, why do you assume everyone is directing comments directly at you?

The research by the BMJ shows that anal IS expcted of girls in their first sexual experiences

How do you feel about that

Your previous comment would say that if they dont' enjoy it / find it painful, they should not be put off.

Elon please expand on

Why articles that are about sex education (your words)
Do not need to / should not
Contain content around
Safer sex
Consent

Even when the demographic of the readership is on the young side.

"Should such articles just be banned on your opinion ? "

LOL

& it's you who said

"Be interesting to know whether the gay male community is so anti bum sex and the reminding men they don't have to do it. I suspect it's not, bit admittedly I don't read any articles about gay male sex. If everyone based their entire sex lives on their early fumblings and just gave up if it was not comfortable then none of us would probably be having this discussion"

Quite clear I think.

But have the empathy to acknowledge that most women don't and that they should be able to say so without eleventy billions rounds of "yeah well but I/some women like it!"

Show me where I said women should be pressured into sex they don't want ?

That anyone would be encouraging anal as a part of first teenage "fumblings" is totally WTF for me.

But they aren't ! Fumblings obviously referred to their first attempts at anal, not their first ever sexual experience. Should such articles just be banned on your opinion ?

Given your input to a discussion about pressures on women is to say, well I have no experience of pressures because I'm gorgeous, but we must do something about those other poor women who perhaps don't have the looks to procure such grateful lovers, probably by banning such articles, im not surprised at your deliberate "misunderstanding".

Many problems women face could be solved if we just told girls and women to avoid men or be very very cautious about which ones you make yourself vulnerable to. That used to be the culture, but you think that advice is shit and no fun and so went off shagging around in your own words. Previous generations would have thought you mad, just the same way you look down your nose at the poor young women who despite decades of feminism can't say no anymore ? Consent is a much bigger topic today than it ever was in my day, and that's a good thing..it isnt all doom and gloom.

Or not ecourganing it but seeing it as totally standard.

It's not is it or boys would always have tried it. They didn't. they have learnt about it from porn.

"If everyone based their entire sex lives on their early fumblings and just gave up if it was not comfortable then none of us would probably be having this discussion."

The fact that trying for anal is something that is expected in the first sexual experiences (or fumblings) is a real issue.

It's an "advanced" act and one that some used to get to after plenty of practice doing the other stuff.

Sex is (or should be) a journey of exploration.

However teen boys have always been very tick-box about it (try the things / tell their mates) and in my day it was just BJs and "doggy" he pressed for, now throttling, deep throat, slapping etc are all on the tabel as the boys have seen them.

Given that these are all much more challenging / painful for the girls and general experinence, I'd be surprised if things had changed and it was now the girls pressing for these things.

Meanwhile the boys lack the maturity, experience, empathy to do them well.In porn you ram it in. It hurts the girl but she does it anyway. That's what sex is. BMJ article supports this, it's a horrible read.

That anyone would be encouraging anal as a part of first teenage "fumblings" is totally WTF for me.

I have a friend whose boyfriend claimed not to be able to come while wearing a condom in his mid twenties and I remember thinking, wait, and you believe him? If it's true I'm guessing a combination of masturbation death grip and other porn related issues.

I am in my 50s, not a pearl clutcher by any means, but I am horrified that my 4 dds might be coerced into sex that might be harmful to them. As a pp said, why is it that stuff that is potentially harmful and degrading to women is in vogue, anal, choking, and hair pulling etc. The fact that some women enjoy this stuff is beside the point, that's their business and it doesn't mean it should be normalized, and now expected, for all women. I can only speak for myself and my peer group, my first sexual experience was with my first serious boyfriend who I later married. There was no pressure at all, and when it happened it was mutual and he did his best to ensure my pleasure too. Before that I had a few casual boyfriends, it never went past the kissing stage. I was never pressured or even asked for a bj or anything else, and the experience of my closest friends was similar. During our long marriage we have tried lots of stuff but I have never been coerced or pressured into anything. Wearing a condom wasn't an issue the way it seems to be now for men, it was expected and didn't seem to negatively affect the ability to maintain erections. I can only speak for myself and the people my age that I know well, which is obviously a small sample but sex was (and still is) for mutual pleasure, and not something our men do to us. I am not saying that all men of my generation are respectful of women and their boundaries, but younger men seem to have very unrealistic ideas of sex, and it must be at least partly because of what they see in porn. Porn in my day was just magazines and later videos and was nowhere near as graphic as it is now. It seems to be shaping the sexuality of a whole generation of men, and impacting negatively on women.

And again, if for whatever reason you do like that, have at it, nobody's stopping you. But have the empathy to acknowledge that most women don't and that they should be able to say so without eleventy billions rounds of "yeah well but I/some women like it!"

"t it could have been shortened dramatically by saying 'no... bleeding isn't normal,"

BUT the whole point of the article is to say that bleeding IS normal

FYI if people are disucssing an article or link it's better to read it before commenting so that you know what people are talking about.

Yes kitten. Tearing and bleeding whilst having what should be best fun

How can that be even considered fine

"Let's talk about periods. First up, someone who's never had one!"

FFS

Yeah. Harper’s biazzare was doing a whole series through the month about periods
The first person to be written about was a TW
FFS
Who never had a period in their life

Does anybody know how anal is portrayed in magazines geared towards teen boys? Not something i have looked into given my kids are 6 & 7mths but it would be interesting to compare the attitudes.

So, again, the topic is that fact that most women and girls don't like and don't want anal sex, and yet many women and girls are doing it anyway, because it's being framed as something that comes standard in a het relationship. The article in Cosmo takes that a step further by arguing that "minor" injuries as a result are to be expected and no big deal. Framing injury as something women should expect as a result of sex is a pretty significant problem.

I guess the silver lining to all of this, is that most print media is on its knees with their content available for free, via various online media platforms.

Cosmo and Vogue, are surely coming out with the shite (ehm) 'cause they are desperate to remain relevant/fresh.

Plus, frankly, the discussion here, is more informative, balanced and interesting than that presented in Cosmo.

Elon that's the what, third time you've tried to steer this thread into another direction. I can see what you're trying to do so I'm sure others can.
But anyhow, this is in Feminist chat, you know, concerned with women. The topic at hand is hetero anal sex.

but it's about straight men and their expectations of women.

And the overwhelming number of women who don't want it. And the overwhelming number of men who don't care.

I know it would be awfully convenient for some people if we pretended that this isn't about straight men and their expectations of women, but it's about straight men and their expectations of women.

Isn't it the BMJ article Datun?

Sorry, had it already been posted? I must've missed it.

Gay men having anal sex is irrelevant to the way it is portrayed in heterosexual porn.

Are there any articles telling heterosexual men and boys how to have anal sex?

Or if you take Teen Vogue and Cosmopolitan aimed at females, where are the articles telling women how to pleasure their men by inserting things into their rectums?

Haven't RTFT. I'm one who has no issue with couples trying different things in the bedroom, i actively & willingly participate in BDSM practices with DP.

This article has pissed me right off. I am all for girls being given info about different things, but even I agree this article is coming at it the wrong way. If you bled during vaginal sex you would rightly worry - a 'little' bit of blood during anal is NOT normal ffs.

Not all gay men have anal sex,

Indeed they don't. Be interesting to know whether the gay male community is so anti bum sex and the reminding men they don't have to do it. I suspect it's not, bit admittedly I don't read any articles about gay male sex. If everyone based their entire sex lives on their early fumblings and just gave up if it was not comfortable then none of us would probably be having this discussion.

I'm not sure what the objection is other than that you think articles notionally telling women the best way to have a pleasurable anal experience should come with a reminder that all sex acts should be consensual but btw men are all porn addled pervs and you know this because you are even reading this article, so you really have been probably pressured.