Cosmopolitan - Bleeding after anal sex

@ betty

and actually lots of gay men don't bother with anal as it's a palaver / they don't liek it / whatever

The idea that gay men are definitely buggering each other left right and centre the whole time comes more from hangovers around old attitudes and ideas about homosexuality and men (driven by mens fear tbh) than anything factual.

In fact there are plenty more things men ca do in bed although for sure anal sex is one of them.

The popularity of het men buggering women that has exploded in the last few years is more to do with other things none of which are particularly positive.

I know men have a prostate but does that stop men from bleeding and tearing during sex?

It's interesting how the current narrative is basically that girls are socially conditioned/influenced/pushed to think certain things are normal just by the mere mention of them. And yet there has been multiple pp on here also saying "messages can't be subtle! Girls need to be told!"

Either women are helplessly influenced by every little thing they hear or they need direct, clear and loud messages for their little brains to understand. Don't see how you can have it both ways.

The issue to be tackled isn't specifically anal sex, choking or whatever the latest pearl clutching problem is. What is taught needs to be much broader - how a good relationship should be, how you should be treated in general, what a positive sexual/romantic partner is like, how to be assertive and have boundaries. Teaching girls that they are helpless victims will not await with this. It's fainting couch feminism that feels closer to Victorian times than now. I despair for most adult women based on the relationship thread on here - tons of you are in shitty relationships where you are not treated with anything close to respect and kindness and yet apparently back in the day all messages to girls were positive

I agree it shouldn't be normalised but it doesn't need to be demonised either when it's not so much the act that is the problem than everything else that leads to it be done in a harmful way.

Betty, men have a prostate.

Gay men have anal sex though, or are men's arseholes just bigger?

"delighted to have a woman in their bed"

Yes!

I was also delighted to have them in my bed most of the time

That has goen wrong back to square 1

Men and boys are raised to see women as a 2D set of orifices to try out an ever increasing bucket list on, if women / girls don't like it then that's their problem, and if you can coerce the magic yes then job done irrepective of anything else (obvious pain etc) - she's agreed ot it, after all. So now she has to do it.

if a woman freely and enthusiastically consents to anal sex because they enjoy it and they are not in pain etc then I don't believe it's the place of other women to tell her her sexual choices aren't valid.

But, that doesn't mean anal sex shouls be presented as the norm, or expected, or that women should be told its normal to be willing to suffer 'small tears' or bleeds in the name of sex, nor should they be pressured into using numbing lube to be a sex doll for a man's fantasy. Sex had to be mutually enjoyable with informed and meaningful consent from both parties.

Who reads Cosmo. these days? What is their demographic?

@NothingonTellyagain

Yes I remember when men were grateful and delighted to have a woman in their bed. ( mid 40s) I never remember feeling pressured to do anything. It was enough that I was there. Sometimes the sex was clumsy and inept but our generation of young women were told by mags like Cosmo that we should be having fun in bed and that we needed to let men know what we liked them to do. It was about everyone having a good time. This current state of affairs breaks my heart.

Cosmo should be ashamed of themselves. Normalising anal sex to young women.

It's very difficult to say no to something if you've been fed a diet of articles like that pushing the message that it's normal and expected sexual behaviour.

What a dismal state of affairs.

@Echobelly that exactly
I've come across men who think spit is fine and they can just bang away with anal. No!!!

It's something I've done and yes, with a consenting gentle partner, toys, lube and patience and someone who I trust completely. It does seem to have become far more normal

I have nothing against anal by consenting, informed adults, but I do worry that there are teenage boys who feel no problem with asking to/demanding to do it to a girl, but would be too embarrassed to go into a chemist and buy the lube needed to do it more safely. That is a bad combination of attitudes.

Sadly I think I am going to have to talk to my kids about this once they're a bit older.

"No means yes; yes means anal"

^^ That has definitely changed from "my day" (also mid 40s)

I've not seen them

Are they sympathetic? Or condemning.

Look at the proliferation of so called documentaries Bundy, Michael Jackson, Rose West being thrown at us this year. Is it a backlash I wonder?

No

The dark websites feature real children beign abused so they shouldn't even have that

And of course they will always look to normalise / miimalise reallife offending

NothingOnTellyAgain Sun 03-Feb-19 15:38:43
Big push from the paedophile crew at the moment

That's next on the list

They have tried a few times and got pushed back

.............................

Well I wish they would just push off again. Aren`t their sad little dark web sites enough for them.

Big push from the paedophile crew at the moment

That's next on the list

They have tried a few times and got pushed back

“I actually don't think this is the issue. I think we have got to the stage where girls and young women are being encouraged to 'consent' to sex which causes pain. Which is what that article is pushing really. ”

I hate to say it but I think you’re right. I’m old enough to remember when anal sex was illegal in the U.K. now it seems to be normalised to the point where if you’re not up for it you must be some sort of uptight uncool prude. It seems like one taboo has been broken after the other. And once a taboo is broken it’s often eventually normalised and finally promoted by the media. I wonder what will be next.

I've never got rid of pubes and never had a complaint

I suppose that is a change

Men used to be grateful. They were so pleased to find a woman who'd have sex with them they weren't worried about that stuff

Last dting I did was 14 years ago

So that is a change?

And I did put it about so it's a large smaple size of grateful men

Only 1 ever tried for anal and that was a non UK chap when I was much younger. None of the others even asked.

and the total absence of a focus on condoms is a real worry too

the teen vogue originall didn't mention condoms at all

they updated it to include that obviously after complaints and when they updated it included incorrect info about condoms & lube

these people don;t give a fuck at all

When I was Young complete removal of pubic hair was something that was for specialist porn magazines only. Now it is common place.

Yes - I remember when I met dh age 28 it was the first time I worried about this and what he'd think. Luckily we were both born second half of the 70s.

I tried anal once with a short term fling. It was ok but I couldn't see the point. For me or him. I wondered if it was a test actually. I've since had too many issues there due to thyroid related chronic constipation anyhoo.

the joy of sex was still around when I was young!

beardy men and hairy women having mutually enjoyable sex

a goal for men used to be to pleasure the woman > that was the sign that you were "good at it" > i mean obviously all teh coercion etc still happened and the checklist stuff but at least it was generally understood that sex was supposed to be enjoyed by all involved

that has gone, really. in so much as it was ever there, it's not there now. the expectation for young people is that extreme acts are expected and the girl won't enjoy them and that's just how it is

articles like the anal sex one in teen vogue that did not mention the clitoris once are also an issue with this
and now we have not just not enjoying it is normal but also bleeding...

"I also don’t like this line that men pressuring women to do anal is new - it isn’t and I think it’s harmful to perpetuate this ‘didn’t happen in my day’ type attitude. "

I’m mid 40s. There was never any pressure. Tried it once. Didn’t like it, never did it again.

Our young men, and women are accessing porn that we would never have imagined at a much younger age than we ever would. Most parents have no idea what their children are exposed to. Even if parents monitor everything that goes on in the house or on their children’s phones they can’t control what friends show them. What kids see now is a very far cry from giggling over a copy of Penthouse found in a hedge. Boys have a warped idea of what girls want and girls feel they are just there to service the boys.
When I was Young complete removal of pubic hair was something that was for specialist porn magazines only. Now it is common place.

Say what? No. I will be telling my dd she does not have to think this is normal.
No