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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Cosmopolitan - Bleeding after anal sex

544 replies

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 03/02/2019 12:25

""It's not unexpected that [anal sex] would cause bleeding." Does that mean you should never put anything up your butt hole? No! It just means you need to take some extra precautions, like, say, a little thing called a shit-ton of lube"

"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon back there. And you want to make to the finish line without any bleeding or discomfort."

FFS

www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/amp9230630/is-bleeding-after-anal-sex-normal/?__twitter_impression=true

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 03/02/2019 19:54

Sorry! I thought the original message from the OP asked what we thought. And another poster asked if anyone in their 50s could comment. Well, not in my 50s but I thought 40s was the next best thing.

As for not doing anything you don’t want. Agree entirely of course.

littlbrowndog · 03/02/2019 19:51

Now it’s called empowerment
Ffs

65andhappy · 03/02/2019 19:49

@BlindYeo as my user name suggests I am quite old! When I was 16 my first boyfriend taught me how to do blow jobs after taking my virginity. That led onto "swallowing " which I wasn't very keen on so in a way pressurised to do something I found disgusting ( like anal now)

That was in 1969
Anal sex was first discussed between me and my friends about 20 years ago when one girl said her H had asked for it and she said' ok but let's get a cucumber and stick it up your arse first so you can see what it feels like' He sulked for weeks.
The internet has made things so much worse for young girls.
It's at the heart of so much abusive behaviour 😢

StarlightLady · 03/02/2019 19:48

Sorry, dreadful typos. Hit send by mistake when reading through.

littlbrowndog · 03/02/2019 19:46

See when some one uses the word empowerment I actually think what the fuck

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/02/2019 19:46

litlbrowndog is more sucicnct than me Grin

littlbrowndog · 03/02/2019 19:45

What you on about starlight

No one wants to hear about your sexlife

You totally missed point of thread

Lexilooo · 03/02/2019 19:41

Gosh how disappointing that the teenage/young women's magazines have become so irresponsible. Back in the 90s they provided good safe sex education for topics that you wouldn't cover at school and didn't want to ask your parents. The emphasis was always first and foremost 1. You don't have to do anything you don't want to and anyone trying to convince you otherwise is not worth it. 2. Be safe, guard against std and pregnancy by using a condom. 3. This is how you do it, safely and with continuing consent.

Disgusted that this has changed. Bring back Anita and Nick from Just 17!!!!

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/02/2019 19:40

I think you have totally misread the objections to the article TBH.

No-one wants you not to have sex you like.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/02/2019 19:39

Do you have any thoughts on these points:

Bleeding is normal don't worry
No mention of STDs
No mention that if you dont' want to then no is fine
Only mention of condoms is related to makig it easier from a lube POV

StarlightLady · 03/02/2019 19:37

I dislike people policing other’s sex lives and trlling them what theyvshould and should not like. Yes, women should be empowered in the bedroom, but no 50% of the adult population should not all be regarded as the same.

Me? 40s. Participate in anal occasionally because l enjoy the sensation. If you think this is to bow to the pressures of any man, have you got the wrong woman. If it hurts, you are not doing it right.

Oral? I’ve hardly ever had penetrative sex without oral, it’s nothing extreme. It can be comforting to give and anybody who will not go down on me would cross my bedroom threshold.

Do you imagine every gay man is coerced into anal? If you think no, then why should women be?

Frescos depicting anal and oral sex were often displayed in ancient Roman and Greek baths. Many an example can be found in the British Museum and the Acropolis Museum. It is neither new or a modern trend. And women in ancient Greece were often far from the underdog.

Of course sexual health should be emphasised in any magazine article but that applies to all aspects of sex.

As the song goes “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves”.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/02/2019 19:29

It also didn't mention that STD transmission is more likely with anal sex

The only mention of condoms was around making it easier lube-wise

Irresponsible.

thesmallissue · 03/02/2019 19:25

Elon, if a woman wants to use lube for vaginal or anal sex that she actively enjoys and wants to have then there is no problem with that. A minority of women have always enjoyed anal sex.

There is a problem with an article telling all women that anal sex is normal, and pain and bleeding are normal and tearing is normal and not to worry their pretty little heads about it unless the pain lasts for DAYS. That article is encouraging the idea that (painful) anal sex is normal and mainstream. it makes it harder for women to say no to a sexual practice they don't enjoy and which hurts them.

thesmallissue · 03/02/2019 19:19

Batteriesallgone
I still hold true to the belief it’s the understanding and willing to talk about it that has changed rather than the fact of men doing the sex at women in any orifice they feel like

I really don't think this view is supported by the evidence.

In your post you talked of abusive rapists. Those men have and always will exist. But now, its normal boys and men who are now expecting anal sex, that a girl being in pain in sex is normal, that throttling or grabbing women by the hair is normal. That's the difference now. The sheer mundanity and ordinariness of these experiences.

I've even seen reports of impotence starting to be seen in teenage boys because they can't get aroused by 'normal' girls and 'normal' sex because of all the extreme porn they are watching.

ChewyLouie · 03/02/2019 19:12

Flipping heck - to put it bluntly the arse isn’t designed for penetration, the vagina is.
Lube or no lube isn’t the issue - its the normalising of anal sex to teenagers without giving them a balanced view of the risks.
Btw synthetic vaginal lubrication is not odd since it is replacing what is naturally there, anal passages do not produce lubrication in response to sexual arousal - there is no need when the purpose is for expulsion only.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/02/2019 19:04

Did I accidentally write somewhere that women should not use lube for vaginal or anal sex

And rather than buying some should give up sex altogether

I don't remember writing that Grin

Unless I have missed something.

Probably not judging by the other responses.

NeurotrashWarrior · 03/02/2019 19:01

Also (do I really need to do a sex Ed lesson??) women have more moisture during ovulation. At other times of their cycle there's less; the point of the natural lube is to help everything along to conception. So that's why.

There ain't any natural lube from the back end.

NeurotrashWarrior · 03/02/2019 18:58

Elon. Some women want to get pregnant. And enjoy vaginal sex. So lube for that.

I don't often do this, but I think that's a really crap question.

BlancheM · 03/02/2019 18:48

Elon you're being ridiculous.

Justhadathought · 03/02/2019 18:47

Besides I don't get the fuss over having an article on this. Many women enjoy anal sex a small number may be worried by a little bleeding.

Reading the stories from the women beneath suggests that most don't actually enjoy it all. They endure it.

ElonMask · 03/02/2019 18:46

Lol Elon yes the women talking about having lots of casual sex with men who treated them well in the past are DEFINITELY anti sex... Um

I'm not interested in how many men you shagged.

I'm sure you understand where I am going with this. Women with vaginal dryness, or even without it, might find sex more comfortable with lube. Of course, the other answer is that if sex hurts them, then they shouldnt do it.

I mean how did we normalise the application of synthetic gel to our vaginas ? I mean that's a bit odd when you think about it, no ?

BlancheM · 03/02/2019 18:39

Oh and I agree with disney about this needing to be directed at boys/men.
I have two DS, thing is I'm not sure (ok I have no idea) how to address this with them. When is too early, too late, how to bring it up ect...but I better figure it out.
I'm more comfortable with knowing what to say to DDs. I suppose I don't want to approach things in an accusatory or misandrist way to DS'. It's hard because I can't ignore male violence but at the same time I love my sons, who are male. Obviously. Argh. I know what I mean 😂

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 03/02/2019 18:28

"If you think women are just as entitled to fabulous sex as men that makes you a terrible pearl-clutching prude"

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/02/2019 18:25

"If someone complained about vaginal dryness and discomfort caused by it, would you remind them they don't have to have sex ? Or would you advise them to use lubricant? People engage in anal sex consensually no matter how extreme you find it."

Lol Elon yes the women talking about having lots of casual sex with men who treated them well in the past are DEFINITELY anti sex... Um... Grin

ChesterGreySideboard · 03/02/2019 18:25

People engage in anal sex consensually no matter how extreme you find it.

People are free to do what ever they like and if women enjoy anal then that's fine, carry on.

The problem is with magazines like Cosmo telling young women that it's ok if sex hurts and you bleed. It isn't

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