Surname change after marriage

Nobody's name changes automatically on marriage. How would that even work?

Travelling with D.C. who have a different surname is fine. Seriously. I've done it dozens and dozens of times and I've been asked to show a photocopy of the birth certificate about 4 times. Once I forgot it and they asked him if I was his mum and he said yes. No biggie

As others have said, I’m pretty sure your name stays the same unless you decide to change it - there’s no automatic change the second you say “I do”! And if people are going to insist on calling you Mrs HusbandsName even though you’re keeping your name, they are weapons grade idiots
I made the choice to change my name to DH’s when I got married, purely because my maiden name is difficult for English people to spell and pronounce - I got sick of spelling it out and correcting people. I was thrilled to have a new last name with only 4 letters and a single syllable

I’d hate to have a different name to my dcs

I like it. It feels like it retains my identity separate from the children.

It also means dh gets dumped with a lot of the “wifework” as if other parents, sports coaches etc want to contact a parent via social media they recognise his name, so he gets all the friend requests and messages about organising x, y and z :)

DD is half me and half DH. She shares a surname with him and has mine as a middle name. I couldn’t care less about sharing a name with her (and double barrelling 2 3 syllable surnames wasn’t an issue). She has clear links to both of us and her extended family this way, and she likes that.

I don’t think the marriage name changing matters as much as the children’s surnames.

I’d hate to have a different name to my dcs.

Even the feminist women who do t change their names 99% of the time give their dcs the dads surname.

My long term goal is to stop caring so much about what other people think. Tricky in a small village! Paddington stare practice will definitely help

I know it’s hard, we have all been trained to “ be nice “ and justify our existence and life choices to anyone who asks .

MN has helped me so much in this.

I need to practice the Paddington hard stare! That I am less good at...

🙂
Don’t forget it must be accompanied by the Paddington hard stare to stop then responding “ oh but blah blah blah blah blah “ .

Well that’s what it sounds like to me.

WH1SPERS I am very much looking forward to using your line: ‘Neither of us changed our names when we got married’ It is inspired!

I didn’t take my DH’s name. I LOVE my name, even more so since my dad died. DS has my surname as a one middle name and I had the final say on his first name which is from the same country as my dad was, and he has my FIL’s first name as his other middle name. To me that makes it feel like it all fits together nicely with both sides of the family intertwined.

DH would have preferred me to have taken his name and there was a moment when I nearly did but I found the whole thing v upsetting and he said it was more important that I was happy. We have had the odd comment (mainly the in laws). BIL even randomly said that I couldn’t truly love my DH if I kept my name. (WTF!?)

OP: ask your dim family and colleagues if they think that when two men marry they both ‘legally ‘ become the name of the other, I. E. Swap surnames?
And ask them what they think happens ‘legally’ when 2 women marry, with no man’s name to take

Here is - Montagu Stuart Worley- Hunt.

Lady Rowena married and later divorced she has 2 children, Somerset Carlton Gerald Montagu Stuart Wortley-Hunt born 1987 and Fleur Aline Isabel Montagu Stuart Wortley-Hunt born 1989.

www.wharncliffeestates.co.uk/history-stuart-montagu-wortley-mackenzie-family/

Becles how do you end up with 5 surnames? I know it means poshness but I don’t know how/why.

I know someone with a 5 barreled name (father's v posh side). They have the full surname on birth certificate and last two on daily documents and life. They've had that surname for about 7 generations. If v rich people can manage to cope so can the rest of us.

Everyone in Spain - and most other Spanish speaking countries - has a double barrelled name. They seem to manage OK.

Congratulations to JSmitty for introducing one of the ‘name change double barrelling’ Bingo points.

When you see people with lists of 4 and 8 names in the next generation, do come back and let us know.

If we don’t hear from you we will assume that they did as their own parents did and decided on their own choice and best way forward for them. And chose from a range of options open to them.

I didn’t change my name.
Dc have both our surnames.
No problems at all except one or two relatives who address envelopes to us as just his surname.

Dim: yes you can use your birth name any tie you like. Some people use a birth name alongside a married name for work etc, anyway.
You might need to show birth certificate to change a bank accountant etc.

Anyone can use any name they want as long as it is not for fraudulent purpose.

It is striking how many of the young English footballers doing so well have hyphenated names: Hudson-Odoi, Maitland-Nies, Gibbs-White, Carter-Vickers etc.

You wonder where this is leading with marriage and kids. Quad-Barrelled is a Gatling Gun.

If a man wants to change his name on marriage or either party want to double-barrel, they need a deed poll

This is no longer true. A marriage certificate is sufficient now

I'm not sure it was ever true.

Any one know if you were stupid enough to adopt an ex twunt"s name when you married, what you can do when you're divorced?

Exactly the same process - except with your decree of divorce. Probably easiest to change passport and driving licence first and then show it to bank etc.

10 years down the line we still get Christmas cards etc addressed to Mr & Mrs hisname.

I have an aunt who (finally) sends cheques made out to the right name (because otherwise I can’t cash them) in envelopes made out to Mrs Hisname. I’ve been trying to explain it to her for 15 years. She’s got a doctorate in civil engineering but can’t understand that I’m still called what I’ve always been called.

It’s really interesting isn’t it how much a woman is always expected to change. And Indeed how most women do.

Same here. It does surprise and disappoint me a bit that even now, the (vast) majority of women change their names and give only the man's name to their children.

Slice and dice it how you will, taking a man's name is a relic of the patriarchy. Sure, women can do it if they like, but most certainly it is not a feminist choice, unless we adopt the inane 'liberal' view that any choice made by a woman is a feminst choice.

You do you with bells on! It’s your name! Other people can have an opinion but you know what they say about opinions and arseholes!

The only thing that does worry me is how travelling with my son without my husband will be

Not a problem, ime. I travel and have travelled to various countries alone with dd (she’s an international standard athlete), as some trips are chaperoned, some not. On one occasion the customs chap took dd to one side and asked her “who is the lady you’re with”, she looked at him like he was mad and said i was her mum. That was it.

Afaik the name is irrelevant- it’s more the lone parent thing. When you travel alone with a child technically you should have written permission from anyone with PR, regardless of whether names match.

Madroid - you can just change your name back to your original name, use your divorce and birth certificates like you used your marriage certificate.

Or change to a totally different surname by deed poll.

Any one know if you were stupid enough to adopt an ex twunt"s name when you married, what you can do when you're divorced?