Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

I've been following this thread and have been meaning to check back in for a while now.

Ebb if you are absolutely sure you are being lied to (and you probably are ) then I would wait and stay silent. Don't rock the boat in any way and very quietly, without him noticing get ready to leave.

I am 5 months in to my self imposed 12 month stay. I'm finding it hard but knowing it will be over keeps me going. My situation, like yours, isn't going to change unless I change it. I am moving money about, checking how much money I will need/ could claim. I know dh should pay child support but will he? I need to consider he won't.

If you confront him now he will lie again or get angry and you will either need to accept that and back down and have another bit of your soul chipped away or you will need to leave when you are not ready. I apologise if I sound harsh. I am possibly projecting my own feelings on your situation. My dh 'coming out' did tear me to pieces but now I'm just surviving, putting one foot in front of the other until I leave.

Tbf to dh, I don't think he has done any CD since he told me. We have had lots of conversations and he said he wanted to stop as he had a moment of clarity when he realized that if he didn't get help his cross dressing would escalate and he would become someone he doesn't want to be. How the WHO can say trans isn't at least potentially a mental health issue is absolutely beyond me when it so clearly can be! He is having a lot of counseling and lots of mental health issues and traumatic experiences are resurfacing making him hard to live with. I am trying to support him with these as I can see he is doing everything he can to save our marriage but it's over. The trust has gone and deep down I think that the cross dressing has merely been put aside for now.

Sad today. Things were looking up for a while there but I think everything is just being hidden from me. I've discovered some lies and am seriously looking into the practicalities of separation.
It's so confronting when you find out something and put it to them and watch them lie to your face. He's been confiding in new friends. Exactly like last time. I feel like such a fool. I know you all know the feeling.
What do you all do with lies, confront them straight away or hold off in the hopes of uncovering more? I will lose my source if I say anything now.....
I wish we had a physical support group. A proper catch up like they get.

@TinselAngel Gah yes. My typing on the phone doesn’t keep up with my train of thought! Sorry! X

Hi

I just wanted to thank you all on the feminism board but particularly this thread.

I’ve never been sure about how I feel about trans (aside from being confident that I’d be devastated if my husband was to come out as trans) and I’ve generally kept my mouth shut for fear of being called a TERF.

Until this thread, I didn’t realise how common it was for CD to trans, the pressure the trans community can put on men, the common themes between them (that really surprised me and strikes me as more than just a few coincidences!) and the lack of support for the partners, children, family left behind and expected to just deal with it.

To those of you dealing with this, my heart goes out to you.

More of us need to start speaking up, our truth, quietly but firmly. The sky won’t fall in. Men can’t become women, especially not with ‘female’ penis. Most people agree with us.

Thank you

Stay safe @Oldermum156

The whole two mums thing seems to be official NHS orthodoxy in my experience, so Casually was accurate in this respect.

When DH came out to neighbours, one of them trotted off and explained carefully to her DC that my kids now had two mummies, without even talking to me about it. I was bloody furious and put her straight. She works in NHS policy setting and apparently the two mums lie is part of their official trans policy.

Has anyone been watching the trans storyline on Casualty tonight?

It has angered me so much I have been literally shouting at the TV.

Typical woke nonsense with the bullshit idea that that baby "has two mummies now" and the poor wife objecting to that is portrayed as a ranting harridan. Who of course admits the error of her ways by the end of the episode, hurrah!

No, that baby has ONE mummy, she's the one who carried him, gave birth to him, breastfed him and likely did the lion's share of childcare at the expense of her career while his "other mummy" was too busy advancing his own career to help.

That baby was created in the usual way, by a mummy and a daddy. However you try to twist reality, a daddy DOES NOT become a mummy!

And breathe....

Thanks for listening to that rant everyone, I just needed to get that off my chest.

IKR? No I didn't want to see her hot ass! 😂😂😂

No it was just porn spam

Are we getting grief on here with these deleted messages?

I hate the fact that I can't speak publicly about any of this under my own name. I teach at a college and am quite sure I would lose my job. Kudos to our wonderful forum facilitator TinselAngel and Shannon and the brave women who speak openly about our experiences as trans widows.

Yes, I wondered shannon how much harassment/abuse you have received since going public? I take my hat off to you as I hide behind identities in public...

Welcome shannon - thanks for joining us here. One aspect we haven't discussed much (or if we did I missed it!) is how some of us in the public eye are silenced for fear of retribution.

My private experience I can discuss with close friends and here but publicly I cannot comment. The trans community can say what they like, such as that the word woman to describe an adult human female is transphobic, with a chorus of women in the same field as me cheering them on as stunning and brave, while we are turned on if we dare to even discuss it.

A friend of mine who is concerned about these issues but still respectful towards anyone she encounters, was ganged up on at a party full of mutual women friends with no personal experience of it and screamed at for simply saying she didn't believe men can be women by just declaring themselves to be. They brought the subject up!

I feel ashamed I don't publicly stand up for us, but I know there'd be a witch hunt.

Shannon, many many thanks for your blog, which helped me get though a really dark time.

@shannonthrace, so good to see you here. Your blog kept me going a few years ago when this madness started in my marriage.

I've just found out I'm about to be a granny (first time) and I'm actually feeling a little selfish and disgusted with myself. I don't want my ex involved in this child's life and I know he has the right to be there as much as I do but I've got this knot in the pit of my stomach. I've always dreaded the thought of births, deaths and marriages. The thought of him being a granny too makes me physically ill.

My son rang him to break the good news and he/she said, I'm busy, I'm heading out with my friends but as my son said he gave the usual, expected pleasantries. He asked my son when he was free and said he'd call him back but then didn't. Then when he knew my son was at work, he left a voicemail.

Is anyone else in this position? How do you cope?