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Original poster

Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

945 replies

TinselAngel · 06/01/2019 12:47

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity" Hmm

If you are in that position-

  1. You are not alone
  2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
  3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Weezol · 12/08/2019 18:56

ItsOn YouTube. It's a rabbit hole and a half, all gender sterotypes, valley girl and vocal fry.

ItsOnAmericasTorturedBrow · 12/08/2019 16:54

GrinGrin

Original poster
TinselAngel · 12/08/2019 16:05

Maybe he's just got a Speech Therapist with a sense of humour. Grin

OP posts:
ItsOnAmericasTorturedBrow · 12/08/2019 15:31

Who provides speech therapy for trans women? Do transmen also get it? I have two friends who are transmen. They sound exactly the same as they did before. However ExH sounds like Queen Victoria circa 1850.

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 21:06

Found it and read it Thanks Tinsel and @hoteltango

Im not affected by this but am pleased the what the trans widows go through is starting to be acknowledged by MSM

It was brave of Woman and Home to print that. And the writer made some excellent points.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 20:34

Yes it is.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:29

is the article discussed upthread.

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:28

From my glance at the letters page one response was thank you for writing it and how and what the wife/partner feels gets sidelined and and the other was the opposite.

I cant help wondering how many responses they got altogether.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 20:24

Thanks Helena, we did know about the article. What did the responses say?

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:12

article was in the July issue.

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:11

Just popping on to say that apparently Woman and Home magazine ran an interview with a trans widow two months ago. I only just found out because i was flicking through the September issue in Tesco yesterday and there were a couple of responses to it on their letters page.

My magazine is Red so i had no idea Woman and Home had done this Article was called "i feel like a widow"

Just thought i would drop this in here in case anyone may wish to order a back issue.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 14:02

I can't find it but I think it's linked on this thread somewhere if you look back.

OP posts:
Original poster
TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 13:50

I think I might need to start up a mother of trans thread,
There is one somewhere. I'll see if I can find it.

OP posts:
BigGreenOlives · 10/08/2019 13:40

I think I might need to start up a mother of trans thread, as someone who doesn’t believe a man can become a woman and has a child who thinks they are the opposite sex despite biology.

Good luck to all Trans Widows, may you find peace and support in real life as well as on here.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 13:35

I've just counted up the women who have shared a Trans Widow experience on this thread and it's 35! That's way more than I thought. There will be more on the first thread too but I've not counted that yet.

OP posts:
ItsOnAmericasTorturedBrow · 10/08/2019 12:30

The thing is - does if matter what people think? In my experience, even if it takes a while, the truth comes out. ExH's uni friends were initially cheerleaders but lately are challenging his BS. They can see how much he hates women and anyone who doesn't agree with everything he says

TheInebriati · 10/08/2019 12:28

I still worry about how I'm perceived.
Stop worrying about how it will make you look, there isn't a bad guy.
Chin up, and memorise the phrase 'we have both changed and are no longer compatible'.

Ebbandfl0w · 10/08/2019 12:24

Thanks TA, I'll take that kick. My brain knows its not my doing but I still worry about how I'm perceived. I'm working on that with my psych- I can't please everyone all the time and stay sane. 🤯

Cadanita1 · 10/08/2019 11:21

Dear Too, I found that confiding in a few close friends helps, they may not understand but with me I had so much internal turmoil going on that it was killing me. People don't understand what they find alien to themselves but when they see the carnage perpetrated on innocents they do. If you do decide to confide, dont sugar coat it. NEVER NEVER NEVER feel that you have any guilt or shame to bare. We all on this page understand. Please dont ever let his wrong doings ever make you feel guilty of anything and please believe me love/lack of/or not loving enough does not come int it.. They are like projector missiles, waiting for their detonator to be activated but we are not the one pushing the button. We are the small innocent village it destroys.

I'm not going to misguide anyone, escape and the thought of it is scary but freedom is breathtaking!

Toomanytears · 10/08/2019 10:08

I KNOW this isn't my fault but I have no idea what our 'offical' reason for separating will be. If he embraces his trans-ness then it'll be obvious to all but if things stay as they are I'd rather not tell anyone. I would certainly rather the dc didn't find out.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 09:59

Ebb, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give you a very gentle, and sisterly kick up the bum for that.

This situation is not either yours or Too's fault for "not loving enough! This situation is on them. You are being asked to tolerate (or maybe even celebrate) the intolerable. But you have too much love and respect for yourself and your children be able to do so.

With regards to confrontation versus ducks in a row- do whatever is best for you. Maintaining your own mental health needs to be your top priority.

OP posts:
Ebbandfl0w · 10/08/2019 09:37

omg TmT We are in the same boat. I feel awful at the thought of being the one who "doesn't love enough" to want this and ultimately the one who decides to separate.
We are going to be poor after this and I'm scared my teens will blame me. 😢

KatvonHostileExtremist · 10/08/2019 09:13

No one sane would blame you. Ever. This is not your fault. Flowers and hugs.

Toomanytears · 10/08/2019 08:47

It's miserable. I feel like he's 'stolen' 20 years from me and now I'm using up another year of my life on him. I resent that, even though we have had lots of good times and our wonderful dc, I would never have got into a relationship with him if I'd known all this back then.

I hate that my dc will grow up with separated parents. That to the outside world it will look like it's all my doing. I'll be the bad guy. I would just like to make it quite clear in case I offend anyone that I absolutely don't judge or think there is anything wrong with single parents. I just know that our separating will bring a lot of heartache for them that shouldn't be happening. He should be who he told me he was and we would still be happily married. But he isn't, he's a lying, devious dick.

Ebbandfl0w · 10/08/2019 08:13

Thanks TmT. Yeah I definitely know he is lying about where he has been and has been lying by omission about other things. He won't get angry but it will drive his behaviour further underground which I don't want. I'll hold my tongue for now. Just remember it all to tell my psychologist.
Your situation sounds similar to mine. I'm holding out until I get myself sorted. Sad

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