Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

Also agreeing anew thread needs starting if you wish to discuss transmen’s relationships.

Will go now as this thread is not my place, I just read and wish the best to you all.

Ok I won't post here again

WhyNotMe40

Start a thread about your situation. I'm not sure it's entirely relevant to this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss, and all the added confusion and questions.

Very few of these threads exist, and this one has a specific purpose. To support women whose husbands have a fetishistic desire to emulate women. Perhaps people interested in transwidowers could start a new thread.

Whilst I'm on, Tgiana - I'm not a transwindow, just a supporter. But do, please, stick around. And as tinsel says write things in a Word document, so you don't lose them. Forty years is a long time, but you can look forwards. 💐

I am not a transwidow so please tell me to go away if necessary.
However I really need somewhere to help me process my thoughts.
My brother became my sister in h** 40s. They recently died in very distressing circumstances and I am the only next of kin. There is absolutely noone I can talk to about this without offending someone.
I totally loved and supported my sibling but I truly believe all the trans rhetoric and cheerers on let her down and contributed to her death. And my siblings actions and motivations during transition were like a complete insult to my entire belief structure and myself - as a very non gender conforming, fairly straight talking feminist.
Anyway, here I am. Tell me if my presence is unwelcome and I won't post here again.

Derailing support threads is not in the MN spirit. Please desist. This space is already claimed.

I agree bernard

This is supposed to be a support thread for a very specific group of people

Any off piste questions would probably deserve a thread of their own so as not to disturb this one

tinsel

Tinsel

Supporting transwidows x

Lurker here

This thread is for a very specific purpose

If you are not a trans widow, you probably shouldn’t be posting on it

Anomoony, Such androphilic transmen are more common than once thought...

sillyolme.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/mirror-mirror-on-the-wall/

and while I don't have the stats on how many have been married to straight men before they began transition, I've met a fair share who have. I very recently met one who transitioned in his mid-40s after years of marriage and two children together. And yes, his husband did NOT stay.

However, after their transitions... they seem to have no problem finding open minded gay / bi men as lovers / partners.

TBH I don't think there are many heterosexual married FtM transitioning. And I expect their husbands would leave. Can you imagine the situation? "Right then, Clive, I'm going to grow a beard and have the tits cut off. But I'll still be the same person so nothing need to change!"

Excuse the interruption, but I came across an interesting article:

Advice for Wives and Girlfriends of Autogynephiles

The author is a transexual who has explored the 'science and experience' of transgenderism, particularly autogynephilia. You may have seen it already.

I was struck by the description of the slow progress of AGP in a relationship

• from the boyfriend who casually mentions it as not a big deal and just a laugh to the man who wants to be you.

There are sections on finances, self preservation and the impact on children.

sillyolme.wordpress.com/advice-for-wivesgirlfriends-of-autogynephiles/

The unnerving thing about reading this article is the realisation that autogynephile's behaviour can be predicted with accuracy. It's like there is a script or a pre-determined outcome. This Mumsnet topic, and the stories from Transwidows, reinforces that view.

I sincerely hope that your endeavours, whatever form they take, help and support not only the women caught up in the nightmare, but the women embarking on a relationship with a cross dresser (where it's "no big deal").

.

I agree, although I'm acquainted with only two FTMs, the behaviour, attitudes and so on do seem very different. My thought was, I wonder if husbands go through the same shocks, grieving etc as shared by wives here? I've never seen it talked about.

I think the unpalatable truth is that this is very 'male' behaviour. FtMs seem to go about it quietly, dress normally without major stereotyping, not seek out the limelight and dominance of publicity/conflict, and behave in less aggressive and entitled ways. Or am I stereotyping now?

I wonder if there is a similar voice for Transwidowers? Men whose wives have transitioned to male? I know one such couple.

I meant what from the group's perspective do we need to know. We need to make sure we aren't left open to litigation.

I'm hopefully on the home run. Third time lucky! First time FDR, was postponed because of his his Gender Reassignment Surgery, second time court allowed a postponement on the basis he had a three week holiday to New York and Brazil booked. I was honestly losing faith in the system. The Master, seemingly was cracking up but he got away with it. Hopefully unless something else happens, it should be finally wrapped up on the 7th May.

People keep asking me how he can keep getting away with it.......no one else would.

Someone suggested that everyone is running scared of the 'Political Correctness' that we live with with today. No one wants to appear to be homo/transphobic. I've been told that the fear of litigation is huge from the LGBT community. Especially after the Ashers Bakery situation.

Tgiana You're right, those who are going through it now could benefit from the insights of those who are 'out of the woods'. I do like the idea of a book, perhaps a follow-up to the one Abbys published before.

Cadanita I'm not sure because I was never actually married to my ex, but hopefully someone with more information will be able to help you.

Start

Meeting my solicitor and barrister on the 1st re-ancillary relief. What questions do we need answered if we are going to move forward?

So many posts , I'm trying to take it all in. My nightmare began in 1976 & I married the man , I believed was going to be my soul mate , till one of us died . Of course , like a lot of us it never occurred to me , I was already being lied to . Early years of marriage & then family are good distractions . But once the children left, what had already been going on (early 1980''s ) , stepped up a gear . Like many of us , I'd got used to this battle & kept hoping . The last 10 years he got ready. I meanwhile gradually "disappeared" . Now just over 18mths since the awful night , I am still trying to work it out . Sadly & stupidly over the years , any friends I made , when I thought they were getting too close to my "secret" , I ceased contact with them. So now the loneliness is very hard . He meanwhile had the network he'd lied & lied to set up . I know we've all got similar stories . The thing is however hard it is , for those of us who are safe to do so , we need to speak out . If we can stop any other women being drawn into this misery then the B- - -ers won't have won .