Mothers are being abused during childbirth. We need our own #MeToo

I have PTSD from childbirth. A mixture of a male midwife who sneered at me repeatedly, and a hugely overstretched service which meant there was no operating theatre available when I needed one.

My first 2 births in hospital were horrible. So much so that I refused to go in for my 3rd despite being refused a home birth (over 40 and tested + for GBS).
I had Ds at home with one midwife and two paramedics in the other room. It was lovely. The other midwife turned up just in time to see the placenta be delivered, and the paramedics drank tea and ate biscuits then transported me in for stitching and monitoring of Ds.
Then once I was in hospital I was completely ignored for 12 hours once I was stitched up. ds not monitored once. Wasn't even told where to get a cup of tea, and the room was filthy.
Fucking awful.
However DH didn't get much better treatment when in for sepsis. 24 hours in a&e on a trolley, 24 hours in acute care, then 2 weeks left to his own devices on a general ward where I had to complain daily to get him a drip as he couldn't drink and wasn't passing urine - which wasn't being monitored. If I hadn't sat there every day I truly believe he would have died. And that's a fit normally healthy man in his prime.

I also agree with Fucket. I find it incredibly frustrating that it's difficult to express any criticism of the NHS in many quarters. It is seen as being the NHS model or the US model and that is so unhelpful and simplistic. The NHS just isn't working and I'm not sure it can do in this day and age. My experience was nothing like the awful experiences of many people but I still felt neglected after birth and still find that difficult to deal with. I agree that it isn't limited to maternity care too, MIL had terrible terrible care after a heart operation not too many years ago and this was in a flagship hospital (and she had been a nurse there!!) It just isn't good enough!

And I am pro the care I’ve received on the NHS as a whole, and grateful too but it really stuck with me - the extent to which she was denied attention

(I probably would have just given birth right there)

I have been lucky, in particular with the excellent midwives at the homebirth - they listened and I felt empowered to do it

However I was so upset and outraged on behalf of a woman in labour who had to wait for a labour room and who, despite crying, feeling sick on gas and air and stating she had to push, was refused an assessment.

I’m heartened by the willingness to examine the NHS a bit more dispassionately. The US system is dire as a prior administration in a desire to narrow the gap between the rich and the poor decided to try to cap raises. This led employers to start offering health insurance as they couldn’t just offer the cash. Now they have an unholy system whereby if you develop a health condition you now become utterly beholden to a current employer as getting a new job with a pre-existing condition means a new employer won’t touch you.

I think we need a proper national conversation about what we want from the NHS, and what we’d be willing to pay to get it. At the moment the choices are Conservatives who will underfund and lead to massive stresses, or Labour who will borrow and push the debt onto future generations, and probably wreck the economy further leading to similar stresses anyway.

What I think we need to do is put foward the idea of capturing the recommended 10% or so of our GDP recommended in the King report. Committing every future government to raising and spending that amount, so no matter what they might say in manifestos they HAVE to meet that obligation no question. We should push for this as citizens and outside party affiliation so they don’t get to use healthcare as a political football between each other to score points anymore. Make our MPs legislate accordingly. Or we have to face the fact private healthcare will become a reality sooner if not later. Women at least get treated better than they are as customers of a service.

Fucket’s last paragraph is spot on.

NHS model is broken and one day a government needs to be brave enough to admit this and drain the swamp. At the moment there’s no choice between the NHS which is a gamble or going private which is out of most people’s reach. The US system is often mooted as the only alternative, but most Western European countries seem to use a middle of the road system which works.

For a lot of people giving birth on the NHS is the first time they get to experience hospital care beyond A&E. I’m afraid it’s not much better for the elderly. The things my 90 year old grandmother went through are also shocking. Her condition got worse in Hospital she died. Not surprising when you are thirsty and can’t get a drink, or no one to help you go to the toilet and you have to lay in your own mess for far too long.

The maternity care I had with my first was shocking, thankfully labour was very quick, but have some woman try to stitch me up without proper local anaesthetic was violating. I had gas and air and I kept screaming at her to stop, “to fucking stop! The pain is unbearable! Stop!” I was fully prepared to kick her in the face. Ok It sounds extreme but someone trying to stitch up a tear in a very sensitive area with no pain relief nor permission is causing assault.

I didn’t kick her, they eventually stopped and got some LA. Jesus wept The absolute lack of sympathy and I am sure some get a sadistic kick out of it.

But the problem is not confined to maternity care, there are too many service users, not enough hospital beds or hospital staff. GP services are woefull and if anyone as ever had to try and get their sick infant to see a gp at a walk in clinic will tell you, they often close because they become to busy and you are shunted off elsewhere. All because your gp closes for half days.

I thank god my dh gets private healthcare through work, the nhs is IMO is not first class care, not for most people anyway. It’s basic, no frills, slow and run by overworked and under resourced staff.

I grew up believing the lie that the nhs was the most amazing social creation that was our national pride, that we all defend to the death. But once you’ve experienced the very worst of it you actually don’t think you will miss it when it’s gone. Other countries seem to do well without an nhs I’m not advocating a US healthcare system but I think the model we have is broken. It was great in the 20th century times have changed. Something radical needs to happen now.

When I first read the title, I thought it seemed a bit mad but actually this is completely valid.

I had a scheduled c section and the procedure was fine, but afterwards was horrible. I was generally treated like a complete inconvenience.

I was uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding but wanted to try it. The process of them manhandling me (against my will!) to get my DD to feed, with the curtains wide open, grabbing my boob without any warning, was so humiliating that I opted for a bottle instead. Once they found out I was bottle feeding, they were completely awful to me and refused to show me how to feed her because ‘we only help mums who are feeding their babies themselves’ - a phrase that makes my teeth stand on end.

I had many friends that had babies the same time as me and the number of stories that end with ‘they said I wasn’t dilated enough and then the baby was born 5 mins later’ is shocking. I always thought that surely had to be indicative of an issue in the maternity system in general.

On the whole i have been lucky. However after my first c section i was moved to tge ward and told i could only get pan relief at the same time as others getting meds. (fair enough except i was due pain relief 30 mins after ward meds which were done as i arrived on ward).
When, 6h later i rang the buzzer to ask for pain reluef, (i had problems with my right side of wound), i was told no. That was the only contact i had with nursing staff between 8pm and 8am. I couldn't get out of bed due to the pain from problem stitching so couldn't put dd down all night. Also i react to morphine, which i had been given prior to going up to the ward, i got a row from a nurse because i was covered in blood from itching my back.
Luckily baby no 2 was better although i did get a lecture about no point in breast feeding beyond a week and that i had spoiled dd1 by feeding until past 2. This was from my miwife 😂😂😂

This is far more important than #metoo. I gave birth to my second child in an NHS hospital. I wanted to go private but our eldest wasn’t even two years old and there are no private hospitals within reasonable driving distance of where we lived. I was frightened of giving birth in the back of our car in motorway rush hour. In hind sight we should have risked it. The staff at the hospital ignored all safeguards, guidance and protocols resulting in birth almost24 hours after my waters broke. I asked them politely to admit me and try a membrane sweep of induce me. They refused. I demanded. They sent me home. Eventually I came back and refused to leave. They left us alone in a room for a few hours and refused to administer pain relief. When my son was eventually born cold and with breathing difficulties the midwife who delivered him refused to believe there was anything wrong with him and said that the machinery must be faulty. It wasn’t. My son had an infection. Obviously. It was almost inevitable that he would have an infection after being in there without amniotic fluid for so long. I had that these midwives and nurses felt that they had a right to make that decision and I hate that the NHS has monopolised healthcare in my area taking away my choice.

I feel so much for you Yarnswift, can't imagine anything more awful. I've read other stories where women in labour have no control over what is basically their own business, they aren't listened to and the medical professionals ignore signs. You hear some horrible stuff about 3rd degree tears, dreadful pain with little pain relief and ignoring the need for a Caesarian until it is dangerous!

I don't understand why such things still happen. I didn't have any problems but know so many who did.

Most medical professionals involved with pregnancy and the delivering of children are women! In years gone by there were male Obs/gynae consultants and doctors but there are far, far more women now and the midwives are usually women. Women GPs do antenatal clinics with the help of a female nurse/midwife. So male domination is no longer the norm.

Why are women not always sympathetic towards other women? It's beyond me.

I too had anaesthetic wear off during a c section. My experiences of birth and pregnancy have left me feeling violated and (and I know this word is so over used but it’s how I feel) somewhat traumatised.

I have lasting physical damage and I’m having to be dragged to the docs about it because even going to the GP is something I avoid now. I’d rather see the vet.

The way women are treated during birth and pregnancy and for postnatal issues is a fucking disgrace.

Yep I think the lack of human rights, consent and autonomy in maternity care is shocking :( and there is definitely a horrible attitude of ‘just be thankful you were handed a healthy baby’ when women dare to speak up on anything that happened