At what age did you 'become at peace' with your body?

At 28, after my first baby. Even more so after my second baby.

I mean, I actually look bloody awful. I’m 4 stone heavier than I was in my early 20’s, covered in stretch marks and my hair is a birds nest half the time. The heavy bags under my eyes tell the tale of many, many, many sleepless nights rocking and feeding our babies. But I’m actually okay with all of that.

I don’t know why I’m happy like this though. Maybe I’m just too tired to give a shit anymore

I’ve always kind of viewed it as an acceptable vehicle.

I really hated the changes involved pregnancy, and I’m still breastfeeding and bleurgh. Not keen on my breasts at the moment, I will feed until 2/3 as I did the others but I can’t wait to be ‘free’.

Also pregnancy / birth fucked my pelvic floor.

So at the moment my feeling of peace is around a 6/10 (first year after birth I’d say 2 or 3). But I’m reasonably confident / hopeful it will go back up to 8 or 9 once I’m free from reproductive duties.

Grace212 my partner rarely comments on my appearance lol - he would positively if I asked him but I would have to ask. I think it is good if a partner doesn't rate appearance as an important thing. Or anyone for that matter. I bet there are lots of people who consider their own appearance carefully but are completely accepting about the appearance of others!

I’ve never been comfortable with the way I look. My looks bring me down so much, I try to avoid photos/mirrors. I’m an adult now but I still will get nervous walking past a group of lads in case they stare, laugh, and make comments on my appearance (it’s happened before many times)

I've never understood people crying over their looks or body image if that's the worst problem in your life, consider yourself lucky

^ you’ve clearly never been ugly. Count yourself lucky! I hate how it’s seen as a trivial matter, I’m not a vain person all I wish to look is ‘average’ but instead being an ugly woman in society is hard. There are even scientific studies to show the halo effect, and how unattractive people less likely to get hired etc
Also, my ugliness doesn’t prevent me from experiencing other ‘normal’ problems that people can sympathise such as illness bereavements etc. In some ways I could see my looks as being one of my worst problems as it’s constantly made my life harder

I’m frequently talked down to, presumed to be stupid, and less worthy just because of my looks

Late 40s now and only now looking at my poor body in terms of caring for it rather than abusing it. It has survived so much abuse from me stemming from mh problems that have dogged me all my life but it is still here.
I now realise what a gift it is and am learning how to love it and treat it properly. I eat well, exercise moderately and am kind to myself both physically and mentally. It is a relief to be able to say I love my body for what we have been through together.

It has broken my heart a little bit to read everyone's stories here. We are taught to be so horribly critical of ourselves from being so tiny that we almost become divorced from our bodies.

Oh and I am another who looks back at pics of myself in my twenties and can see a young, beautiful woman but at the time I KNOW I was a seething mass of self hatred and insecurity unable to live life to the full. So bloody sad for us all.

Early twenties, but it was a side effect of having a few years where my body didn't work very well and I could have died. More a sense of perspective, than comfort, if that makes sense. Most people are comfortable with their elbows, as in they don't really think about them, that's the kind of comfort I have.

Also, the realisation that most people don't even notice or care and are worried about themselves. That comes with age.

@StuffingSandwich "I'm mid 40s and not comfortable enough with my face or body to entertain a relationship now."

this is interesting. I think I've made peace with my body now, at 43, but I think if I was partnered up, it would be much more difficult. I love being single so this thought only occurred to me quite recently. I'm shocked sometimes when I read threads where partners comment on appearance - even positively. I just think it would be very difficult to have someone else paying attention to what I look like though.

I'm still struggling with my face starting to look my age though, which is pathetic of me.

I’ve never loved nor particularly disliked my body. Maybe because it’s always been fairly average. When I’ve been a bit fat I can’t say it really affected me.

ReaganSomerset

I don't stand for being put down - that's why I've only dated them briefly

It doesn't upset me but it does puzzle me - I'd love to know why my experience is consistently and persistently so different!

I was becoming more comfortable with my body/appearance at one point. I did feel more confident but that just seemed to make it worse.

I came to the conclusion that men like women to be confident in their appearance/sexuality but only if they agree. Otherwise, they're more than happy to point out that you're wrong. And almost seem to see it as a personal affront that you don't appear to hate yourself.

Some men seemed to feel that as a 40 year old, averagely sized/shaped, averagely attractive woman, I wasn't self loathing enough. That's what I came away with from it.

Clearly just another act of womaning I'm getting wrong...

Still not, though I have a chronic pain disability that only became apparent in my 20's, so suspect I'll always feel this uncomfortable disconnect with my body.

For some survivors of violence, I think the question may be the wrong way round.

At what age did your body, if ever, come to terms with reality?

That's horrible @stuffingsandwich, never put up with being put down.

Have you tried Hinge? It's a dating app that two of my friends have had great success with. It's nowhere near as shallow as some of the others.

as others have noted men aren't really that fussy so it wasn't an issue finding a husband

I find this assertion utterly baffling, tbh!

My experience has been the opposite. I was only talking to my friend this evening about the fact that I cannot remember the last time a man asked me out. I've been mostly single for a few years. I have asked out the few men I have briefly dated.

I went out with friends last week and was the only one who wasn't approached by anyone all night.

I'm not particularly comfortable with myself but I know that I'm not unattractive.

The men I have dated have been critical of my age (even when I was younger than them); told me I could "stand to lose a few kilos" even though I was a size 10/12 at the time; and I'm rarely complimented on my appearance/looks.

I've decided to stay single (not that the alternative is an option!) because, to be quite honest, I'm sick of constantly being told/made to feel that I'm not quite good enough by men I'm supposed to be in a relationship with!

I found it very empowering to look down at my stretch marks and realise that (a) they're never going to go away, they're part of me forever so I might as well learn to accept them, and (b) they're a badge of honour, the marks of having grown amazing human beings inside me!

I don't like the saggy, wrinkly, empty handbag that has replaced my once washboard-flat stomach. But, hey, it's what I've got. Shall I punish myself for 15y of obesity? Shall I punish myself for having been pregnant? Hell, no! I'll not hate myself anymore.

45 this year and I am still waiting. There has never been a time when I've been happy with my body (except perhaps whilst pregnant). I've always felt big and unattractive (even though looking back I really wasn't "big" when a child/teen/young adult, just tall and solid not fat). I have wasted so much of my life hiding away and never feeling comfortable or confident with my body. I truthfully can't even pick out a favourite feature or even one physical thing I like about my body. I've never, ever worn a bikini and always, always wore a baggy t-shirt over my swimming costume when I was younger.

And yet objectively I know I should be so thankful that I am strong and healthy and my body has given me 4 easy births, healthy children and easy breast feeding. It makes me cringe when my DP compliments me because I automatically think he must be lying (although he swears he's not!). I probably need about a million years of therapy to get me to a place where I actually like my body.

I was happy with my body until I had children.

I know that my body enabled me to have two beautiful children and I should be grateful but I can't come to terms with how it looks.

It makes me feel very shallow and vain but it's how I feel.

I've always been fine with everything except a period in adolescence when I had acne, which I was very self conscious about, and was teased for being flat chested.

I think 12 to 18 were the awkward years, but I'm not sure we will ever stop teenagers in general being awkward, self conscious and self critical.

I should add that I would conventionally be considered quite ugly and certainly came in for a lot of stick at school. Even my own kids noticed when they were too young to know not to comment. But that's just because symmetrical faces and slim bodies are fashionable currently. I find my look interesting, comfortable and familiar and as others have noted men aren't really that fussy so it wasn't an issue fin ding a husband I was deeply attracted to. I've been through lots of angst over nor fitting the bill with other women over the years but that isn't the same as disliking your own body.

Once I had children. My labour and birth with DD1 left me feeling incredibly powerful in such a unique female way. Up until that point my body was really just transport for my brain.

I had a pretty serious knee injury that required rehabilitation to be able to walk again in my mid twenties. I'd spent my teens with very disordered attitudes to food and a worryingly low BMI being convinced I was fat.

Somehow the work of pushing myself through exercises and regaining the ability to walk really transformed my outlook. Whenever I catch myself in the spiral of negative body image, I remember the months I thought I'd be limping forever and how my body is a fantastic tool for doing what I want.

I ended up in an accident which left a noticeable facial scar. Somehow it cancelled out other insecurities about my appearance, and even the scar didn't bother me much then. It bothers me more now (at 45) as it has faded and is mistaken for a deep wrinkle

I don't think I've ever hated my body. I grew up swimming, which I think helped, but I appreciate that doesn't work for everyone (I imagine if I'd been competitive it could have done a number on me). For a long time it was just a vessel that carried my brain and I got very overweight before having my kids because I just didn't care what it looked like. I wish I had cared enough to do sports, because earlier intervention with physio might have straightened out various bits of me so that they wouldn't cause injury now. But it is what it is; I had an easy enough time of pregnancy and breastfeeding, and my body has responded very well to sport other than having to work around bits of me that are too tight/too flexible/twisted.

The curious thing is that I really struggle to lose weight (which I do need to do) by counting calories - even 24hrs can send me to a horrifyingly dark place where nothing matters but numbers and control. I don't hate my body at all but I still get that tunnel vision, disordered eating so quickly. I can't make sense of it. I stay out of weight loss threads because the mere mention of tracking apps or diet structures gives me the fear.

In the mini-skirt era of the 60s I had a 24" waist, but very heavy legs which I was always self-conscious about. Once I was confident enough not to bother with fashion and wear skirts or trousers which flattered rather than exposed my legs I felt much better about my body and stopped worrying. The fact that I was lucky enough to marry a man who likes the way I look and never criticises it has helped a lot. Now at 72, with saggy flesh everywhere, a creaky knee and only one breast, I'm just glad to be basically fit and well enough to enjoy life and keep learning.

As for my last comment, please note I was not including people who have eating disorders.

I'm still not at peace with it now. Hitting 50. I have to accept it but I don't like it.