We argue every time I bring up feminism

It's more of a silly drunk ranty thread in defense of his mother really. She's absolutely miserable with her EA husband of 40 years

This will be you if you don't dump this prick.

Quite confused with the pp who says they are 'anti-feminist'. Baffled in fact.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist indeed - you made a very good point here too.

I can critique feminism all the live long day, but it’s pretty clear the OPs bhas a pretty abysmal attitude towards women. Referring to her as dumb and as a bitch within what should be the context of an intimate, loving relationship is pretty far from ok

I don’t always manage it but I’d aim not to use disparaging terms towards people I’m not dating either!

Marguerita
I don't think it is feminism this man doesn't understand-(although he clearly doesn't) it is basic human decency, sympathy and respect for his partner he doesn't understand.

YY. This is what is so worrying. The insults and the 'seething'. It's not just lack of understanding, it's the underlying anger.

no-one feminist or otherwise deserves to be called dumb or a bitch by the person who claims to love them. THAT’S actually the headline here, and you don’t need to be a feminist or an anti-feminist to see that

That is it exactly. I wasn't sure what the OP meant by "bringing up feminism" . I didn't think she was referring to say discuss the merits of 2nd wave v 3rd wave with reference to intersectionality. And she wasn't.

Think of men who are famously not feminist- say Jacob Rees Mogg or Jeremy Clarkson- they might ridicule feminist theory but on a personal level I can't imagine they would ever call their wives dumb or a stupid bitch or fail to understand why their wives would be upset by being groped.

I don't think it is feminism this man doesn't understand-(although he clearly doesn't) it is basic human decency, sympathy and respect for his partner he doesn't understand.

Or did you just mean that he might be hurt to know that OP was talking about feminism behind his back? Hmm, suspect not

Absolutely not. I meant that he may well kick off if he sees OP has been asking for advice.

Jesus op these are abusive men. Dont feel sorry for your boyfriend’s mother: get out! That’s you!

Alexa1772 there is a time and a place for those sorts of points, and no-one feminist or otherwise deserves to be called dumb or a bitch by the person who claims to love them. THAT’S actually the headline here, and you don’t need to be a feminist or an anti-feminist to see that.

Yeps shut up stupid bitches
Stop upsetting the men
You just on a wind up Alexa ?

@GCAcademic
“Yes, shut up OP and listen to the beardy dude.”

I think you have just explained why people, despite agreeing 100% with the idea of equality of opportunity and equality before the law don’t want to consider themselves feminists, why so many people consider feminism to be a toxic ideology and even why bringing up feminism can cause arguments in the case of the topic of this thread.

You replied sarcastically with “Yes, shut up OP and listen to the beardy dude.” Presumably Implying that he shouldn't be listened to because he was a man. You didn’t refute any of his arguments, you just highlighted his appearance and his gender as if that alone somehow invalidated everything he said. It’s no wonder that feminism is considered toxic and causes arguments if that is how feminists are seen to behave. Most people wouldn’t want to be associated with that in exactly the same way as if someone said “yeah listen to the blond woman why don’t you” disparagingly and sarcastically most people would find the statement sexist, bigoted and beyond the pale.

OP if you want to see why feminism is a problem this is why. It’s seen as misandry and anti male bigotry dressed up as women’s rights when under the law women already have equal rights and equality of opportunity.

Alexa1772 look I can critique feminism all the live long day, but it’s pretty clear the OPs bf has a pretty abysmal attitude towards women. Referring to her as dumb and as a bitch within what should be the context of an intimate, loving relationship is pretty far from ok.

Yeah I like you think feminism has gone off in some pretty terrible
directions, but I don’t think anyone seriously thinks any and all misogyny has been completely eradicated. If you can’t call it out when you see it it kinda undermines you if you do have a valid criticism to bring.

Also you really should enter into every debate/discussion with the thought that perhaps YOU might be the stupid one. So no matter how sure I think I am on some things the thought that actually I may be the one that has it all wrong is a precious one that I hold onto very dearly. It’s one of the ways I may walk away from any interaction with more knowledge and wisdom than I started with.

Sounds like feminism is causing unnecessary grief in your life

Erm, I don't think it's feminism groping the OP or calling her stupid bitch.

“Alexa, tell me how to exist as a female in a way that pleases men”.

Lols
Alexa has spoken

Shite

My advice. Ditch feminism, it was needed in the past when men and women didn’t have equal rights under the law but it’s become just another twisted form of identity and grievance politics.
Hello, Alexa, the 1950s just called and wanted their spokesperson back.

Yes, shut up OP and listen to the beardy dude.

Oh god OP, me too! I have avoided talking about trans stuff but when we do get into the topic he just says he can't discuss it. It's not essentially just about feminism in my case, more about safeguarding and self ID but he just doesn't believe that statistically there is anything to worry about and he thinks I'm obsessed!

We have a son and so we don't have a daughter to worry about but I care about women/girls and don't want our son being taught crap at school.

I don't have any solutions, but adding my rant and will follow for any advice.

I just feel lost between him and his father's opinion on things. It's more of a silly drunk ranty thread in defense of his mother really. She's absolutely miserable with her EA husband of 40 years.

Do yourself a favour and don’t end up like her. Your ‘D’P is in the same vein of misogynistic prick as his dear father.

I'm sorry for ranting. I've just had an evening of trying to rant and being made to feel silly for it.

I'm probably too drunk and silly to argue these things. Thank you for the words of support though.

Sounds like your self esteem is a little low. You're allowed to have opinions you know. Were you always this self deprecating or has 5 years with an EA arsehole damaged your confidence...?

OP, you've recognised that your "D"P's father is emotionally abusive but haven't seemed to realise that your DP is too.

Stay with him, and you'll end up like his mother.

No-one should call you a "stupid bitch", no-one should not care if strange men grope you and no-one should share your toilet but expect only you to clean it.

This one is NOT a keeper.

The thing most men don’t get is feminism actually things men can be great. Feminism says hey men this behaviour is terrible and we know you are better than that. Feminism knows that men do t have go through life being sexist violent arseholes.

Ok look OP I’m often quite anti-feminist on a lot of topics, but calling anyone stupid or a bitch is not on at all. That is seriously not cool. Whatever your idealogical differences you deserve to be treated a lot better than you are!

I think some men have to be reminded that feminism is about equality, not that women are better than men. Unfortunately there are a minority of "feminazis" who do attack men, so maybe that's what he's getting annoyed about. I've had a discussion about this with my husband where he's told me he sometimes feels undervalued etc. To be honest, I think the bigger issue is that he calls you a stupid bitch! It's healthy to have debates about topics like this, and you don't have to agree with each other. But he should value your opinion more and not dismiss you like that.

Whenever I bring it up against them I'm called a 'dumb' or 'stupid bitch'. I'm just a bit drunk and angry about it all tbh

This says it all and how he reacts to the groping incident. Your with an angry, dumb man child. Good luck! He sounds like an catch.

Marguerita The hinterland of that advice is understandable but shocking: that you might expect the OP's DP to be angry and to express it in an unacceptable way.

Or did you just mean that he might be hurt to know that OP was talking about feminism behind his back? Hmm, suspect not.