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Original poster

Dear Topshop

59 replies

IfIwereMrGreen · 28/12/2018 12:19

I know that last year you changed your changing room policy to gender neutral (mixed sex).

Did you think about the impact of this?

Today, I had to use your changing rooms. I managed to find one cubicle that had a curtain that covered the entire doorway! The others didn't. If I had not found this cubicle I would have had to have left without purchasing anything as I don't feel comfortable exposing my wobbly bum to everyone!

I was really grateful to find this cubicle because after I started to undress I heard a man a few yards down from me persuading his partner to try on clothes. He was very loud and kept insisting that she tried the clothes on even though she kept saying that she wasn't sure and didn't really feel comfortable trying them on. By this point I was really happy that my curtain could fully close because he kept pacing up and down and if it couldn't close then he would have actually seen me in my undies!

When I left the cubicle, I saw a mother with a young teenage girl looking for a decent place to change. I told her about the cubicle that I had found with a good curtain and she thanked me. I said to her that it was difficult to find somewhere to change here with privacy. She agreed with me and went to the cubicle that I had shown them.

When leaving, I walked past the loud man. He was inside the cubicle with his partner still trying to get her to try on those clothes! She didn't look very happy.

The jeans I tried on didn't fit past my wobbly bum so I handed them to the changing room assistant on the way out. I asked her about the policy for allowing men into the changing rooms as I felt a little bit uncomfortable with a man being in there. She said that the policy has not come without problems. She said that they can't really ask a man to leave unless he is going into someone's changing cubicle. She also said that they have had men refusing to use the changing rooms upstairs in Topman as they prefer to use the changing rooms where young teenage girls and women go. I guess this is fair enough though as these gender neutral changing rooms are for everyone now! She said that it sometimes makes her feel uncomfortable when grown men go in there but she can't say anything. She referred to cross-dressers, but I didn't correct her terminology as she was only young and probably doesn't know about the stonewall trans umbrella.

Anyway, back to my point. I know it's nice to be nice and nice to include everyone so they can buy your clothes, but I decided to walk away from your store today without purchasing anything because I just felt so uncomfortable in those changing rooms with the loud man and the way he was treating g his partner. I also didn't like that your young staff have to make decisions about who they can let in to use the changing rooms, so they just let anybody in no matter how uncomfortable that makes them feel.

Regards,

A. Mumsnetter

OP posts:
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MargueritaPink · 29/12/2018 16:11

As an aside, Freddies of Pinewood make great jeans for curvy women. Retro styled, so not to everyone’s taste, and not cheap, but proper, hard wearing denim so last for ages and made in the U.K

I'm a committed non - jeans wearer but those are gorgeous and so stylish.

Juells · 29/12/2018 16:09

I've always thought the best tactic would be to scream in terror and run out of the toilets or changing room shrieking "There's a man in there!". Hysterical over-reaction can work both ways.

Original poster
IfIwereMrGreen · 29/12/2018 16:01

I think I will write to them. I don't think it will have much weight but I will feel better if I do.

I am very busy until the new year, so I will update when I send it and obvs will update if there is ever a reply!

My main line of concern is the lack of privacy and dignity. There was a concerned mother there, a teenage girl, a woman who couldn't make decisions by herself and a member of staff who felt awkward...and me. I would guess that the only person who felt comfortable was the man.

I will be careful not to drop the female staff member in the shit so will not mention our discussion, but will mention how staff could be put in a vulnerable position if they ever did need to ask a man to leave.

OP posts:
Invisible1234 · 29/12/2018 15:50

Bringing to light mixed sex changing rooms by using Topshop as an example is an excellent idea...teenage girls...often shopping alone or with friends...how many men wouldn't want to be in the changing rooms with them?! It would peak some Dads in particular.

BettyDuMonde · 29/12/2018 12:46

Sounds grim. Please send it the letter. Send it to your local paper too?

As an aside, Freddies of Pinewood make great jeans for curvy women. Retro styled, so not to everyone’s taste, and not cheap, but proper, hard wearing denim so last for ages and made in the U.K. www.freddiesofpinewood.co.uk/ladies/ladies-jeans?limit=100

You can usually find second-hand ones on eBay too.

AngryAttackKittens · 29/12/2018 12:41

A Daily Mail story complete with photos of a crying woman being removed from a TopShop for being scared of the hulking brute (dress not required under new rules, if a bloke rocks up looking like he should be running the pub in Albert Square that's just fine) in the women's changing rooms could be excellent peaking material.

MadamBatty · 29/12/2018 12:32

AAK as I’m an unglamorous middle aged woman I imagine that I’d be treated with disgust & removed by security.

I still smile when I think of the Victoria Wood sketch when she remembers trying to enter Topshop, the shutters coming down & a siren alert-Middle aged woman with hips trying enter.

AngryAttackKittens · 29/12/2018 12:27

I wonder what they'd do with a screaming visible terrified crying woman rather than an angry one? Angry women are easily dismissed as being mean to the poor menz, but would they actually force their staff to tell a crying woman her terror is unkind?

If I was near a TopShop I'd be tempted to work out the old acting muscles and find out.

Melanippe · 29/12/2018 12:22

Top Shop is one of a few places that I couldn't shop in any more due to my bigoted amygdala reaction to male bodied people in allegedly safer spaces. Sadly, the list of places where I can no longer go and know that I am unlikely to be assailed by overflowing adrenaline and the shame of my body's reaction to it is getting longer as the entire world bows down to the mighty god of gender.

Juells · 29/12/2018 11:36

SlowNorris

This pointless post could have been aimed at very many other stores.

Speaking of controlling... Grin

ShotsFired · 29/12/2018 09:31

The more and more I think about this, the more I am practising a deliberately loud "I'd like to try this on here please - there is a man behaving very suspiciously in the ladies changing and he won't leave"

Or even simpler:

"There's a man harrassing women in the ladies changing and he refuses to leave. It's not safe there"

Danglingmod · 29/12/2018 09:29

I think the safest place for women is now the men's loos and changing rooms. It's where the decent men are whilst the dodgy ones have all moved to the women's.

Sarahjconnor · 29/12/2018 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarahjconnor · 29/12/2018 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

R0wantrees · 29/12/2018 08:40

Travis Alabanza on Radio 4 Today program this morning (07:30) asserting their want of 'non-binary' rights:
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_radio_fourfm

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3462982-Radio-4-cis-people-who-are-safe-in-the-world

BubonicBudgie · 28/12/2018 21:13

But Topshop Travis isn't a TW, he is a cross dresser. He just complained because

starcrossedseahorse · 28/12/2018 20:27

Yes to M&S - certainly where I live anyway. There are cubicles but they are open at the top and bottom so useless for privacy. I no longer use them or shop there after encountering a cocky teenage boy in what used to be the ladies changing room.

Original poster
IfIwereMrGreen · 28/12/2018 20:20

Slow- I was there today and saw in real life the consequences of this. Other stores have this policy too I believe. I think M&S is another (please correct me if I am wrong).

The reason why I mentioned that the store was Topshop was that they were in the news this year because of a TW who demanded that they change in the female changing rooms.

My point was that some controlling men will use this as an opportunity to never leave women alone. A wife / girlfriend not being able to choose their own clothes. Young girls and women who want privacy searching for a good enough cubicle.

It doesn't matter where it is, but Topshop was discussed on here a while back and I am reporting my first hand experience in the store.

OP posts:
R0wantrees · 28/12/2018 20:19

Ah, but are the men's changing rooms now all access or would a woman get told to leave?

There have been recent challenges to shops preventing females who identify as non-binary using male changing rooms.

AngryAttackKittens · 28/12/2018 20:16

Yeah I suspect that somehow the rule will be found to be flexible if a man complains.

scotsheather · 28/12/2018 20:09

Ah, but are the men's changing rooms now all access or would a woman get told to leave?

Didn't manfriday find umpteen times it matters when men are affected but not the reverse. That may answer that question.

ShotsFired · 28/12/2018 20:09

Come on kittens, you know the answer!

"I identify as a man, please let me pass"

Bingo.

AngryAttackKittens · 28/12/2018 20:04

I'd be heading up to the male changing rooms (if I somehow had no choice but to shop there).

Ah, but are the men's changing rooms now all access or would a woman get told to leave?

starcrossedseahorse · 28/12/2018 20:03

How is it pointless?

SlowNorris · 28/12/2018 20:02

Why just Topshop?

This pointless post could have been aimed at very many other stores.

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