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Original poster

We Can't Consent to This: all the "sex game gone wrong" defences

134 replies

WomanDaresTo · 24/12/2018 08:12

Hello - doing this under my semi-public NC.

On FWR we've been grimly collating the stories of women killed by men who claim they've died in a "sex game gone wrong". Given Natalie Connolly's killer's sentence has received rightful outrage, and given even the excellent Harriet Harman thinks this is an unusual defence, I thought it time to pull them together in one place:

www.wecantconsenttothis.uk

It's not a fun read, of course. I know it's not also complete - will keep updating but do of course let me know of other cases, and mistakes.

But perhaps we can help get to a place where women are not deemed to have consented to bodily harm, or to death.

Flowers and unmumsnetty Christmassy hugs to the families and friends of these women.

if anyone wants me I'll be having a humungous Gin

OP posts:
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HamiltonCork · 24/12/2018 08:59

Very powerful

IamThereforeIdontIdentify · 24/12/2018 08:49

Thanks for doing this.

NineNine · 24/12/2018 08:39

What freaks me out about these cases is the possibility that men will learn that if they beat and abuse a woman, they are better off raping and killing her than if they left her alive and able to press charges.

Though I suppose that assumes that the living beaten woman would be given any more voice than the dead one...

OrchidInTheSun · 24/12/2018 08:39

Wow. What a horrifying read. I think it would be worth sending it to Ms Harman. When she was interviewed on Woman's Hour, she said she thought that Natalie Connolly was the first case where this had been used as a defence. I know it isn't but I hadn't realised the scale of the problem and I think she should know.

Thank you for doing this. It can't have been easy Thanks

RJnomore1 · 24/12/2018 08:36

That's a chilling read.

So many in the last couple of years and so many of those by men they had just met.

Anlaf · 24/12/2018 08:35

I think I feel less disheartened the more sunlight this gets.

The Mandy McDonald case in 2000 was the first time I'd heard this - in reality she was incredibly seriously assaulted by her husband. The defence QC's comments in court will make your BLOOD BOIL.

This will get better.

SonicVersusGynaephobia · 24/12/2018 08:29

Thank you for doing this OP.

This verdict has been one of those moments that made me want to give up. Everyone I've spoken to thinks it was a terrible decision, but very few seem to really grasp what it means, that murdering a woman is not murder if you do it, or say you've done it, as part of a "sex game".

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 24/12/2018 08:27

Fucking hell.

vicviking · 24/12/2018 08:23

Thanks for this OP. I am at a loss over this. These men are getting away with murder and the criminal justice system doesn't seem to care. There needs to be some sort of judicial review.

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