We Can't Consent to This: all the "sex game gone wrong" defences

OP I hope you do not mind my posting.

There are two separate petitions on Change.

Her Name was Natalie Connolly

www.change.org/p/attorney-general-her-name-was-natalie-connolly

Criminal punishment to fit the crime in domestic violence cases.

www.change.org/p/correspondence-attorneygeneral-gsi-gov-uk-criminal-punishment-to-fit-the-crime-in-domestic-violence-cases

Many thanks

WomanDaresTo thank you for all you are doing.

IHATEPeppaPig

"1. How many of the recent murders are young women. Violent porn has a lot to answer for in today's society as well as 50 shades of Grey that glorifies DV and violent sex."

Yes in deed, very true. I've not read '50 shades of Grey' (or as I call it '50 Shades of Shit') but I am pretty sure no one died in it. So this book is, like the rest of the crap, no excuse what's so ever.... I totally agree with you.

and

"2. I can't help feeling that men feel entitled to do this to women as punishment for sexual liberation - you wanted sexual freedom well
Here it is." absolutely.

I think 1 is used as an excuse for the law/society etc to wash their hands of these women by kind of making a 'plausible' (fucking implausible) excuse for these shit bag men. And 2 is the real reason men do it, because they hate women (in the case of Natalie I believe her killer was jealous). But also, 1 affects 2 because if they think they can get away with it, they are probably more likely to fucking do it!

Sorry for swearing

Thanks for putting this together op.

This is a challenging read but necessary to see the stark horror of sexualised violent behaviour towards women that resulted in their death at the hands of a male. The obfuscation of perpetrator's violence into BDSM, kinky sex etc is unbelievable and frankly shocking. Thx OP for compiling this - must have been challenging on a number of levels.

What I noted was the difference in the sentencing.

It's been proven that many people believe rape myths and will not change their mind despite any weight of evidence to the contrary. So either jurors, judges and the like must be psychologically tested or jury trials for crimes against women and children abolished and replaced by an expert panel. There's no other way. Education won't alter that thinking error.

There was a group of cases in the 1990s to do with consent and assault. They ended up in the ECHR (Laskey v UK springs to mind) which ruled that criminalising assault where the victim consented to such assault did not violate art 8 because there was a societal benefit in protecting such victims. How did we get from there to a situation where men are now getting away with murder on the grounds that their victims consented?

There is such a disparity in the length of sentences listed there. Do judges give shorter sentences if the man and woman are in a relationship, rather than either a stranger attack or a one-night situation?

It’s very effective, gathering the cases together like that, OP, it really debunks the ‘tragic accident’ ‘sex game gone wrong’ assertions.

Marking place to come back later x

Such a shocking and heartbreaking read. All absolutely awful, two things stood out to me 1) how many of these men had just met the women they killed. 2) how many killed them by strangulation.

OP can you change the font colour on the section pictured? Viewing on Chrome mobile.

We urgently need an overhaul of the laws around sexual assault.

Of course I'm sure we all remember that Jane Fae led a campaign against the extreme porn law. The same Jane Fae that said most femicide was just domestic violence gone wrong and blamed women for our eggshell skulls.

Funny how that phrase 'gone wrong' pops up again. Such a neutral term but also implies that anything up to murder is just fine. It only goes wrong if the woman dies.

Well quite, Sonic

The CPS needs to be questioned very closely about why it went for manslaughter rather than murder - very violent murder.

Sick at this case and all the others.

WomanDaresTo
Can't Consent to This: all the "sex game gone wrong" defences

Thank you for doing this. It is a totally sick defence.

I might be being stupid, but I don’t understand how legally the “sex game gone wrong” defence actually works? I’m not being obtuse, I genuinely don’t get this.

If I gave someone a lift in my car and cause an accident by driving dangerously and my passenger dies, I can be prosecuted for Death by Dangerous Driving even though the person got into my car willingly.

Surely by entering into a “sex game” which means there’s a use of force, the person in control has a responsibility to manage the situation in order to avoid bodily harm (or worse) to the other party?

It shouldn't be allowed to be used as a defence.
It isn't a defence.
Even if the woman was into BDSM, a man who does her harm must be held completely responsible for his actions.

That was a very disturbing read.

Jeez, that article, Olenna.

the measures appear to take aim at female pleasure.

Then follows a list of things like:

Strangulation
Fisting
Physical and verbal abuse
Aggressive whipping
Humiliation
Role-playing as children ("non-adults")
Penetration by an object associated with violence...

Yeah, that all sounds really pleasurable for women. We'll really miss being able to make or watch porn that include those activities.

And I'd suggest that the fact that these acts are being described as being things females enjoy is why we have such a high proportion of teens and young men who have no idea what enjoyable sex is, and why we keep hearing about incidents where a woman is injured after rape being described as "consensual sex".

Fuck sake.

It doesn't stop it being made, but there are already laws around porn that prohibit filmsthat show things like strangulation and other abuse. I'd argue a strict liability should apply to any banned act that results in real life harm - so it doesn't matter whether the injured party consented or not, if you hurt them, you are culpable.

As an aside, it's interesting reading some of the coverage from the time that the law was changed to ban these additional acts from UK porn - "they're not dangerous, you're just being prudish" seems to be the common theme, such as in this Independent article

Me too Seahorse. A friend of mine worked for Women's Aid and one day she said she fantasized about taking a machine gun and shooting men on the street because they were all guilty of something. She was in no way serious about the gun but I got exactly what she meant.

There's also the fact that women and girls are pressured/groomed into thinking that 'violent sex' is what they have to do to please their (abusive) partners. So often when they are consenting to it, it's not often (usually? Ever?) for their own pleasure.

Heartbreaking to read. I had no idea quite how widespread this defence has become.

I fucking hate men right now.