Would you still cut your long hair short if your Husband/partner said NO!

Yep. In the scenario you're describing I'd probably do it just to make a point.

Dh shaved his goatee off when he heard someone (i think it was terry pratchet) referring to it is as 'a pubic chin'

He does have a beard now and he is very pleased with it

Not getting how a haircut or beard can "seriously affect a relationship."
I couldn't stand it when my dh decided to shave his head and grow a goatee, looked beyond hideous.
If it affects your relationship though, it's still them inside. Must be more going on to have that reaction of seriously affecting relationship.

Since the time I was old enough (back in the 50s) to get my plaits cut off I've had short hair. I tried twice to grow it, as I like long hair on other people, but mine is very thick and coarse with a tendency to go frizzy and looks a mess once it gets anywhere near my shoulders. Well-cut short hair can be very flattering and if you fancy a change I would say go for it. It's your hair and it isn't as though you'd be stuck with short hair for ever if you find you prefer it long after all.

If it helps, when I first met DH back in the mid-60s it was in one of my messy, trying-to-grow-my-hair, periods and I don't think I made much impression. Our paths crossed again a few months later, after I'd had my hair cut short, and he asked me out that very evening. Six months later we were married! Not all men prefer long hair...

Not read all the replies, just the OP. It's your hair, your choice. He doesn't get to say or guilt trip you into what you do with it!!
Do it for you, not him.
Does he consult you with every trim/head shave/ beard growth or whatever?

My dh has for the last year sported a thick goatee and a shaved head.
I loathe it
He knows this
It has seriously affected our relationship.

Something to consider

Other side - I love long hair on men. DH has short hair and despite me saying I like long hair and suggesting he tries it he keeps it short. He has no interest in growing it. He looks gorgeous with short hair and whatever he decides to do with it is fine by me.

Your DH can express a preference but who is he to bully you into doing what he wants with your hair?

he is allowed to express an opinion, I prefer it... (I did to ex, he ignored it as he liked it different, his choice, as it is his body.) (and no I did not strop or sulk or try to get him to change his mind) and often say it is his hair and as long as he likes it it is ok.

making you feel bad for contemplating it, or changing it or calling you names sound like coercive behaviour.

Blimey.

Is your P having a relationship with you or your hair?

I'd be gobsmacked if my partner said he didn't want me to have a particular hair style (or to wear particular clothes, or look a particular way). It's up to me how I look! And I wouldn't dream of telling him how to dress or style his hair or whether to have a beard, etc. We're autonomous adults, ffs!

In 30 years of marriage it has never occurred to me to 'consult' my DH regarding my hair nor would I expect him to consult me about his. I don't consult him about my clothing choices, either.

Over that 30 years I've gone from bum-length curly black hair to (now) a chin length straight blonde-ish bob and everything in-between. Never has DH said anything other than "You did X to your hair, looks nice". He's gone from long hair to short hair and every iteration of facial hair. He even tried dying when he first started going grey. Did I have preferences? Sure, but it's his face and his hair.

Its your hair do what you like as long as when your husband decides to shave his head or grow a beard you dont complain.

I would get it cut short - probably extra short as a protest vote.
How dare he tell you how you can have your hair.

Definitely get it cut how you want it done, if only to show him who's boss.

I'm lucky. My DH loves my hair super short. It's long right now but I'm thinking about the chop again.

It's very liberating and I think everyone should have at least one radical hair chop in their lives!

I had to take the poor man aside for a moment to explain that - unintended as it might (and would) have been - any bloke would look rather like a neo-nazi

I don't think shaved heads are particularly associated with neo-nazism these days tbh. Maybe 30 years ago. In fact, I'm kind of astounded that you would pull your BOSS aside to tell him that people might think he's a fascist because he shaved his head 😱 Nuts

Do what you like, not what your husband likes or what your hairdresser likes.

It's hair, it will grow back again if you don't like it.

But for what it's worth, your husband sounds like he has a terrible attitude and has been very rude to you. Hopefully an apology will be forthcoming, you are not his doll to style to his taste.

I wouldn't like it if my husband came home with a skinhead so I suppose he would have a right to say something if I was going to do something radical to my hair?

Bear with me ... there's a point to this somewhere, I promise:

A couple of years ago, my utterly adorkable but sometimes not perfectly socially aware boss decided to do just that. Well, he came to work rather than home; we don't live together.

I had to take the poor man aside for a moment to explain that - unintended as it might (and would) have been - any bloke would look rather like a neo-nazi sporting that particular do, but that his distinctively Germanic looks were not precisely helping. Poor sod wouldn't have looked at all out of place at a Blood & Honour event. He rather sheepishly admitted that his wife had said the very same thing the night before and that a colleague deeming the hair situation worthy of a "can we have a chat" moment settled it for him, but that he couldn't exactly grow the stuff back overnight. We spent the next month making excuses for why he regrettably couldn't make client appointment X and introduced the internal "mulled wine & business talk at the Christmas Market - in coats, scarves and, crucially, hats" meeting. The whole thing was pretty hilarious for the rest of us, actually.

The slightly serious thing about the whole Nazi-boss story, though, is this: appearances kind of have meanings. That doesn't mean you're definitely a neo-nazi if you're sporting a shaved head. You're also not necessarily a lesbian if you're a woman with a buzz cut or a hippie if you're a man and your hair is long, greying and frizzy. But people may assume that you are.

In that sense: I get why people might mind somebody else's hair. I wouldn't have been particularly keen on attending a meeting in my capacity as "underling of definitely a Nazi". It made me feel uncomfortable enough to point it out. And I wasn't even married to that man as well as fully aware that he's actually a Labour voter and most definitely not a Nazi.

This is obviously not to say that spouses should get to dictate their partners' hairstyles. They most evidently shouldn't. Spouses get to leave if they're sufficiently unhappy. Or to refuse to be seen in public with the other person until the air is sorted out. Or whatever they deem necessary which doesn't infringe on the other party's self-determination. I'm also not saying that there is not a component of sexism involved in whether or not women should have long hair.

What I am saying is that, yes, your hair can affect the image you project and this may make others more or less likely to want to be associated with you. It probably shouldn't, but that's kind of a moot point.

I'm currently contemplating a short hairstyle. I last had it short a few years ago and I did look awful - it was a cross between Clare Balding and Wincey Willis, and everyone said I looked really butch. DH didn't stop me and won't stop me changing my hair now, even though he prefers it a little longer. The fact he is trying to convince me to wait until after Xmas makes me suspect he has bought me a Dyson Airwrap, and knows I would regret the chop.

The pp who asked about chemotherapy and if your partner lost his hair, how it would affect your attraction to them - I hate DH's hair the day he has it cut, because I think it's too short. It starts to look better a few days in when it starts to grow back. When he was having chemo and it came out in handfuls, the last thing that I was thinking about was his hair. Even though he had bald patches, which he has never had, he was far more upset about it than I was. My attraction never wavered, despite him looking so poorly and much worse than when he has it cut short. It's only now that he has started to cut it again- after his last chemo regime he didn't cut his hair for 6 months because he was so happy it was growing back.

As soon as an OP starts with

"My husband is really loving and a great dad, etc"

I immediately bet my entire life savings on the rest of the post describing ways he is not loving or great, such as

"I mentioned it to DH, I was rather taken aback, he was so against it, he was quite nasty", etc.

That's why I'm a mumsnet trillionaire.

Do whatever YOU want with YOUR hair. It doesn't matter what your dh/hairdresser/hamster or anyone else likes, it only matters what you like.
FWIW I had long hair when dh and I got together and very short hair now. I've no idea which he prefers as I've never asked. He married me, not my appearance,

I know that there are certain things about the way I look that DH prefers (glasses / no glasses, certain style dresses, heel height etc) and sometimes I take that into consideration when getting dressed.

But he also knows that I will wear what I want, and wouldn't dream of trying to stop me (partly because he knows how effective that would be...)

In terms of what to do, yes, I'd just arrange the hair cut and text DH during the day - maybe a photo of the work in progress...?

One day you will look like a middle aged Mum. What happens then?

One day, you'll be a middle aged man with male pattern baldness, so hair care won't be such an issue for you will it?

Not sure what bearing your snide comment has on whether she chooses to cut her hair now, but I'm sure you believed you were relevant.

I’ve never consulted my partner about my hairstyle. It wouldn’t even cross my mind. It’s my hair and I get it done to suit me and me alone.

This is my issue but I find the amount of men who like long hair on women to the point they’d be annoyed if they cut it a bit weird and creepy. Mind you having never had long hair ever it’s unlikely I’d have attracted a man like that in the first place

I can imagine a row if you just go and get it cut and then 'surprise' him.
I'd just talk it through with him, and tell him that's what you are going to do. There is an under-lying issue here - which will have to be dealt with at some time or other.

It just confirms how much is compromising about certain aspects of male/female relationships - that we end up playing roles that don't feel right or natural to the self.

I'm not really aware of the 'older woman short hair' thing...from what I see most women tend to cling to the socially accepted hair/clothes uniforms that they have been adopting since youth.

I first had my hair cut short age 9'ish - and loved the ambiguity, and thought it interesting that some people assumed I was a boy. I then cut it short for my 12th birthday - and loved the feeling of defying convention that elicited.

I've had it long, middling, black, blonde, purple, and all sorts in between, but always have returned to short. It's just me. I'm quite 'shapely' - but do have a long, slim neck, nice ears, and nice shoulders - so have always carried it well, I guess. Don't feel the need for big earrings or anything - but do like pendants and stones.

I like the not-conforming bit the best, though - and for me having short hair says "I'm me". "I am my own person". I don't exist just for men to fancy me. I like the feeling of liberation that comes with that.

I'm 53 now, but most people are surprised when I say that. The short hair and the feeling of personal integrity that helps to solidify, is a large part of the reason for that, I think.

Hair is a very personal thing for most people, and a large part of how we express ourselves and our values.

Do what you fancy. Your husband sounds young and immature in certain respects, but you obviously love and value him. He should also love and value, and even desire you, with short hair too. If he doesn't, then I'd say that there is an issue there which needs exposing.

My DH loves my long hair and would hate it if I got it cut.
That doesn't make him controlling or creepy.
If I did get it cut or it fell out, he would still love me.

I agree with the others

Do it for you and not anyone else