Men who abuse their positions of authority to abuse women and girls

Hestia
It makes me feel sick.
I was a vulnerable teenager in a very difficult emotional place, my world view clouded by eating disorders and self harm - I was perfect paedophile bait, and he sniffed me out a mile away.
When other girls came forward too, they were all similar to me: emotionally fragile, some in the care system, one had recently lost a parent etc.
It was a pretty rough school in an absolutely dire area, and he was quite “posh” in comparison. There’s no way he’d have chosen to work there for any reason other than it being a goldmine of a victim pool

current thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3452784-Coercive-Control-a-need-for-better-awareness

I think it’s a genuine personality trait that a lot of predators have: work to get yourself into a position of power, giving you easy access to potential victims.

Certainly.

What people who claim that a man wouldn't choose a career just to get to rape women or abuse children don't understand is that sexual violence is about power.

Being in a position of authority appeals to predators, they enjoy it even before they can start abusing their authority, so it is not exactly a sacrifice for them.

I think that's why we get so many priests who sexually abuse children. Religion appeals to those types because it is one of the last places in a democratic state where you can wield authority without being questioned in any way, where you can even say completely nonsensical things and have people respect what you say ...

Um, well, that and transgenderism, I suppose.

Just as there are examples of male teachers taking advantage of pupils, there have also been a number of cases where female teachers have had inappropriate relationships with students.

All the cases known to me where female teachers had inappropriate relationships with students, there was no threat or violence involved, and the boys were past puberty. A bit of a difference, there.

With regard to male primary school teachers, I'm not saying we can't have them, but there must be very clear boundaries.
And there needs to be a woman in a position of authority in the school whom children know to have authority over, or at the very least the power to veto male teachers.

We can't completely prevent adults preying on teens who can be lured in with the promise of a romantic relationship, but we can make damn sure that no blackmailing can take place.

Not giving any man or all-male group the power to ruin a girl's or woman's future is the way to do that.

Changing society's views on the importance of keeping children safe is also desirable, but that's something that can happen only slowly.

For immediate improvement, removing or closely supervising the people who commit more than 90% of such crimes, namely, men, is the easiest way.

Quentin my experiences were 2009/2010 - so not even that long ago.
If I remember correctly, the law which make it illegal for a teacher to have sexual relationships with students under 18 was passed in 2002? So that and the associated teacher safeguarding training would still have been pretty fresh in the minds of my abuser and his enabler

our headmistress told him to disappear quietly and he’d face no repurcussions!

I think this is quite common. It came out that the club that hired the sports coach that abused me knew there were rumours about him but "needs must". This was in the 90s. I really hope times have changed.

I think it’s a genuine personality trait that a lot of predators have: work to get yourself into a position of power, giving you easy access to potential victims.
I was abused by a teacher for a year when I was 15. Creepy bastard wasn’t violent or anything - more the kind who makes you believe he has romantic feelings for you and you need him. I was perfect bait for that particular brand of creep.
He just disappeared from school one day without a word. That’s when the other girls started coming out of the woodwork, with very similar stories to mine.
The worst part is, nothing was ever done about out. From what I can piece together from talking to another ex-teacher of mine (amazing guy who actually got me through my gcse’s while unbeknownst to him o was being abused by his colleague), was that our headmistress told him to disappear quietly and he’d face no repurcussions! So it not just men - she’s just as bad as him

All of the above is why safeguarding matters and anyone or any ideology that seeks to undermine it should be vehemently opposed.

No probs TeeJay. It’s early and we’re all knackered by this point. :-)

With safeguarding you have to be prepared to think the unthinkable. It's uncomfortable but in all the cases I was involved with, if staff had been more sceptical, aware of safeguarding and prioritised a child's safety rather than the adult's rights, then the abuse would have been identified earlier and stopped.
This ^^

TeeJay1970
Through my job I have worked with at least 10 schools with teachers / support staff who have groomed and sexually abused children - primary and secondary. All men (but important to recognise that women can and do abuse children). Other staff were generally horrified but in most cases there were staff who disbelieved the child and advocated for the member of staff - despite the evidence and subsequent court cases.

With safeguarding you have to be prepared to think the unthinkable. It's uncomfortable but in all the cases I was involved with, if staff had been more sceptical, aware of safeguarding and prioritised a child's safety rather than the adult's rights, then the abuse would have been identified earlier and stopped.

Oops!
I misread Delirium's first post.
My mind put a not in there.
Apologies to all -especially Delirium.

TeeJay Delirium's first post is an example of a type of sentence called a "generic". These sentences are always problematic, because they can be interpreted in different ways.

She wrote: Teaching does attract men who wish to exploit children.

I read the sentence as "Teaching does attract some men who wish to exploit children."

You appear to have read it as ""Most men who are attracted to teaching with to exploit children.

Unfortunately for good communication, both readings are valid. This confusion over the meanings of "generic" sentences is one of the big sources of misunderstanding and conflict on the Internet.

As a primary school teacher , I can assure your views are a danger to young girls.

No.
There will always be predatory behaviour.
Occupations which enable close contact with vulnerable adults and children will attract some, not many, but those determined will eg teaching, social care, scouting, religious organisations etc

Any professional who denies the possibility is failing to understand key principles of child protection. That they are aware of the reality & risks is an important part of the Safeguarding framework

Kes
Did you read Delirium's first post?

Also, I know someone who had some child protection social work training, and the ignorance around personality disorders and their relationship to predation (at least officially) was frightening. Some of it was clearly deliberate on the academic side - it's still considered politically incorrect by many with influence in the field to accept the evidence that personality disorders even exist. The view is that anyone can be "worked with" to improve their behaviour.

I think the teaching point is harsh. There may be a few but your post suggests that it is a common reason for men to become teachers. Just as there are examples of male teachers taking advantage of pupils, there have also been a number of cases where female teachers have had inappropriate relationships with students. The vast vast majority of teachers have no desire whatsoever to exploit their pupils and to suggest that a male teacher should not be able to teach a class unsupervised is ludicrous.

We can add sports coaches and doctors to the list.

I think/Hope that organisations are getting a lot more no-tolerance than even 10 years ago. I know the police definitely is.

Until men start to see this problem rather than defending the status quo we are a bit stuck though.

This is relevant. Love Hannah Gatsby.

www.theguardian.com/stage/video/2018/dec/07/hannah-gadsby-takes-aim-at-jimmys-who-monologue-about-misogny-video

That doesn't mean there should be no male primary teachers, of course, but safeguarding must be involved.

But TeeJay, there have been numerous scandals and revelations about schools over the last 30 years where predatory men have abused their pupils. Admittedly, they are mostly boarding schools, and obviously it is a very small subset of male teachers. But Delirium's statements are factually correct.

Delirium
As a primary school teacher , I can assure your views are a danger to young girls.

These men are supposed to protect the most vulnerable in society, not prey on them

It needs to be more widely accepted and recognised that there will always be a small but significant number who deliberately target occupations and opportunities to have access to children and vulnerable adults.

Lisa Muggeridge discusses:
'Social work training: Ever present risk of predatory behaviour'

This is why the current wide-ranging threats to, failings and failures of child protection and Safeguarding framework failures are so very serious:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/a3301266-Safeguarding-girls-and-protecting-women-post-Jimmy-Saville-metoo

And whilst I would like to see primary teaching include more males there has to be appropriate measures to keep children safe.

A man in a school isn’t automatically a predator but child safety comes first.

Teaching does attract men who wish to exploit children.

and social workers