worried about partner

I made it through about 2 seconds of JP on YouTube before I had to turn it off. But I got the jist.

I don't think people like JP radicalise men into misogonysts. I think they just validate their ideas. They have always been misogonists but listening to people like JP let's them think their opinions are right and they can therefore now voice them. An awful lot of men secretly hate women, but I think they know these opinions are socially wrong. He is just validating his own ideas by watching the videos and now thinks that he is right, whilst before maybe he knew he wasn't.

This man hates women, it's not a phase he clearly hates women and I suspect has hated them his whole life. Why would you want to stay with someone who hates you? He might like you as a single person but he hates what you are, and how could you be with someone like that.

"Most here have decided he's 'dangerous' " nope, that's your assumption. I would take fighty to mean argumentative and verbally aggressive, unless Nsmum14 says otherwise.

I'm a bit puzzled. Why is it your responsibility to "channel" HIS anger?!

He's making choices to watch these videos. He's making choices to repeat their concepts and language. He's adopting their ideas.

Those choices have consequences.

He may find himself losing friends, losing respect, losing you.

I don't think it's particularly extreme to suggest you reconsider staying in a relationship with a man who hates women. Who possibly believes you are foolish for disagreeing with these ideas. Who is getting more deeply involved with these ideas over time.

If my husband started doing this I would string question whether I could stay. Indeed whether it was safe for me to stay.

I'm sure 'fighty' is open to interpretation. Most here have decided he's 'dangerous' etc. So knee jerk around here, no wonder we never get taken seriously

Oh, did you read what Nsmum14 actually wrote about her partner actually expressing anti-women sentiments, and being "fighty" when challenged, and refusing to talk about it? It's not about just watching some videos.

I can't believe people are saying to end a relationship over watching a few videos on YouTube.

If the male partner stopped the female partner watching, for example, Posie Parker on YouTube, should he leave her too?

My husband has bought the JP book but he doesn't 'hate' women. You lot are hysterical sometimes

Donna Zuckerberg has some interesting observations about this phenomenon of using classics and faux intellectualism to justify the feeling of white male oppression:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3420810-Donna-Zuckerberg-Social-media-has-elevated-misogyny-to-new-levels-of-violence

I don't think I'd agree that he has never had male privilege. He may have not had he privilege that other types of people have had (wealth, class, perhaps) but that doesn't mean he hasn't had male privilege in other areas. Being bullied by girls at school doesn't wipe out all aspects of male privilege.

Same thing happened to my brother. Started reading JP about a year ago and now constantly berates feminism and women - tho he says he loves women (my mum, his GF, and me).

I don't think JP is to blame, tho is a gateway to allowing men to express their misogynist traits. My brother has always been miogynist (like my dad), it's just he was never interested in the philosophy or politics around MRA until now. Or had the language to talk about it. Now he does.

In a way its a good thing, because he can express who he is and what he thinks precisely. I guess it's the same with your DP. He probably, like my DB had misogynist tendencies, but now can express and justify them.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Does he have a sister? Perhaps you could ask her? If my "SIL" (they arent married, just been together for ages) asked me, then I would be willing to divulge and give advice.

My advice would be be. He's still the same person, but he's showing you who he is. What you do with that information is your call. If you can live with that attitude (some women don't care) then do it. If you can't (and I wouldn't) then don't.

Problem is with blokes like my brother and your DP the political isn't personal, so when they talk nonsense about "women acting victims" they don't realise how hurtful and insulting they are being.

OP given the length of time you are with him I would be very very careful.

Honestly I look at my sil and it is very sad - she feels trapped because of her children.

My brother honestly has gone done the rabbit hole with this stuff - and once I let him ramble I saw the true hate he has towards women and marginalised groups.

He even brought up white farmers in Africa and he lives the opposite side of the world.
He spits out this shit about hating affirmative action. He is very angry when challenged.

As to how bad it has got - for him I can tell you it won't be long until he is fired and loses his job. He makes kinda about affirmative action and I sure he will do it at work and get dismissed.

He has been made redundant a few times and I think that made him get into this as he was badly impacted by the recession.

His family is isolated, his children and wife can't have anyone over because of his views.

My own husband thinks he will never change is just a right wing vote for some objectionable party. My own husband and I have decided our children can not go near him.

It is heartbreaking but I have decided to just step away - I told my brother to only communicate to me regarding family stuff and he has stopped communicating with me.

Op I suggest you read some Lundy Bancroft.

The political is personal.

Well sorry we didnt tell you what you wanted to hear but your post says you’ve tried to talk and he gets ‘fighty’ and you fight a lot as it is so don’t sound interested in challenging him at all. Not sure what we can possibly suggest as an action f talking is out of the question. A year is a long time to be watching women-hating videos and I can only suggest what I would do, which is quite honestly: leave.

Ah Jordan Peterson. The messiah of life's dick-owning losers, who, despite having all the odds stacked in their favour (particularly if white and western), still can't make anything of themselves. Instead of looking at their own inadequacies, they prefer to blame the wimmin. LTB.

If he won't talk about it and gets "fighty" then what is there to do? He isn't interested in changing, so the only option you have is to make it clear what the consequences are if he continues like this.

OP, it sounds as if you aren't getting anything from this relationship apart from conflict and distress. He sounds toxic.

I agree with Upstart - separate and maybe review in a few months' time. But I have to say it doesn't look as if there is a future for you as a couple.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who is working on developing a deep hatred of women. Why would he expect you to stay with him when he's making it clear what he thinks of women?

It’s amazing how some men come out with all this toxic bullshit, yet left to their own devices they would be utterly screwed. Personally I’d tell him to drop the incel bollocks, otherwise he’ll be one himself. Obviously I know that’s probably a stupid idea and would potentially lead to all sorts of anger, and if that’s the case, I’d seriously start getting things in place to LTB. Life’s too short to spend it tip toeing around a misogynistic asshat. You really don’t get that time back, and the longer you leave it, the harder it is. Also, once that dam of anger breaks, it’s impossible to plug again, you’ll be for ever waiting and worrying it’ll happen again. Really, once those red flags go up there’s nothing you can do. You can’t save him, so you need to save yourself. Living with an angry man who can flip on a coin is pretty terrifying.

Try and get him to watch hannah gadsby's Nanette

Aside from the fact he watches JP, which is his choice, you don’t actually sound like you’re happy in the relationship. Getting into ‘fighty mode’ when you ask him about it, plus fighting a lot already, doesn’t sound like a happy relationship.

I heard JP say one thing that made me stop and never listen again. He says that he thinks people are ‘more wise than they are foolish’. This is such a dumb thing to believe and say given the endless examples of this not being the case, in any country, that I cannot believe any intelligent person would give him much of their time. I think you should break up with your partner for that reason alone.

Stop worrying about him and think of yourself. He no longer sees himself as your partner, he has chosen to be radicalised and join a misogynistic culture.

I suggest you two have a break, separate, and and see where you are in 6 months time.