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Original poster

Men and creepy banter.

59 replies

TheMatriarch · 13/12/2018 10:20

16 yr old dd works in a local pub. We live in a rural village, have know many of the locals for years.
The pub is mainly used by men, aged 35 -70.
She will overhear comments about her bottom and looks etc, her friend gets constant comments about her boobs. This is often from the older customers, fine upstanding members of the community.
It’s all seen as a bit of a lark, harmless fun for men winding down from a day at work.

Dd thinks this is a village thing.
I suspect it’s a nationwide thing, possibly even worldwide, but the comments are creepier because they’re coming from older men who’ve known her from when she was a baby. Comments and looks from strangers in a large town are more easily dismissed and ignored.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheMatriarch · 13/12/2018 10:49

Hope that doesn’t sound arsey!
I’m so sick of boys and men being defended for their shitty behaviour, and girls not only bearing the brunt of it, but being told it’s ok, and that they’re being dramatic if they make a fuss.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheMatriarch · 13/12/2018 10:47

Why will they stop though when it’s being accepted by the general population as being ok?

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 13/12/2018 10:43

Totally inappropriate, she is a young girl, not a seasoned adult woman (not that it would be right in that case but as we get older, we learn how to divert such comments).

Bra pinging is awful, I remember from my young days. Didn't imagine it was still going on.

The men need to stop!

Badgerthebodger · 13/12/2018 10:41

Urgh. These men are just revolting creeps. It’s worse because they’ve known her forever! Horrible, I’m sorry your DD has to put up with such grim sexist bullshit in 2018. I agree with a PP about the dad comment but the best way I found when I was young and working in a pub was to loudly call it out, every single time, along the lines of “What did you say?” And make them repeat their horrible comments to her face. I used to then pull a face and say something like “Right. I’ll get on then”. They weren’t usually brave enough to say it to my face and it did die down after a few weeks.

I wish I could come down with 20 others from this forum and make these horrible men accountable for their disgusting views on young girls. Just grim.

Original poster
TheMatriarch · 13/12/2018 10:36

Yes, bra pinging and trying to take it off!
At school there was a boy who would jokingly pretend to choke girls, because that’s what they like (no prizes for guessing where that’s come from) - he’s the one person in my life that I’ve had really bad vibes from, and have asked dd to never be alone with him!
School accepted sexual and poor behaviour from boys and would fob us off with “monkey love” (treating girls badly because they like them) and boys will be boys.
Teenagers have very little choice but to put up with it, because it’s so accepted that boys will behave like this. Then people wonder why boys and men often behave like this Hmm

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Squall · 13/12/2018 10:28

Its crazy what you have to learn to accept as a girl and young woman. It took me twenty years to realise that actually boys trying to undo your bra at school was unacceptable. I just shrugged it off as something that happens.

Original poster
TheMatriarch · 13/12/2018 10:28

The landlord doesn’t care.
It’s almost like the 70s and 80s expectation that waitresses will have their bottoms pinched, and that it’s all a bit of fun.

Dd hates it and knows it’s disgusting, but since she was 12 she gets comments about her body, or people stare. At school (and now college), when out and about, even at the supermarket with me, it’s as if boys and men think they have a right to leer and make comments. It’s disheartening.

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SimplySteve · 13/12/2018 10:28

DD (then 18) was working in a bar/nightclub for a few months. She left because (in the bar) the same middle-aged customers thought the young females were appropriate fodder for their sexualised banter.

DS lives abroad. Same shit.

This is definitely a growing trend, along with racism, disablism and BAME trends.

BlingLoving · 13/12/2018 10:23

I think whether these men know her or not, it's disgusting and inappropriate behaviour and I'm sad that your DD seems to think it's just the way it is. A bit of harmless flirting is entirely different to inappropriate commentary on a young woman's body.

If she DOES know all these men, I'd suggest to her that every time she hears one she says, "Would you say that if my dad was here for a drink with you?" But she shouldn't have to. Frankly, the landlord should be putting a stop to it.